"They need a mother," she said.
"Don't say that!"
"Why? It's true. Who wants to be raised by a bunch of servants?"
"It's not that. I don't want to believe Paul is just looking for a care giver for his kids."
Suzie paused. "You've got it bad, little sister. This guy has rung your bell. Do you want my opinion? No, delay that. The last time I gave an opinion on your love life, we didn't speak for twenty years."
"Don't go back there, Suzie. Please."
"Okay, okay. I'll just cross my fingers and tell you anyway. Go for it; that's my advice. Let him seduce you. Sleep with him. Agree with him. Move in with him. Do whatever it takes. You love him, so who cares?"
"I never said I love him!"
"Do you?"
"I can't. I've just met him! I don't even know him. Maybe he beats his girlfriends, cheats on them; perhaps he's a monster, a drunk! I don't even know if he snores, has bad breath in the morning . . ."
"Sleep with him. At least you'll know if he snores and what his breath smells like. Sarah, honey, trust your feelings. Don't listen to me. I just want to see you happy."
"I'm a mixed up mess . . . I don't know how to have a relationship and I don't trust my feelings." I added, "Because my feelings have a shitty track record."
I knew Suzie agreed. I could picture her nodding. "You're older now sister, and hopefully wiser." She added, "I guess I should check him out. Maureen can help; she's good at that stuff. God, I can't wait to tell Maureen! She'll love it!"
"Don't!"
"Why not?"
"It wouldn't be . . . fair."
"You can bet he's checked you out." I didn't dare to tell her she was on the mark. She continued, "I'll do it and not tell you. No, I did that the last time and it was a disaster."
"Suzie!"
"Okay, I'll leave him alone. Just get on with it and see where it goes."
"Where can it go? We're so different, Paul and I. He has children. I don't know beans about raising a family. His world is eons away from mine. I think he has feelings for me, but how can I tell? I'm such a creep I can't picture why anyone with a lick of sense would want a jerk like me."
"Stop beating yourself up. Set you own terms. If he loves you, he'll play by your rules."
"And if he doesn't?"
My sister sighed. "Sarah, to use your own words, It's only been a few days. Take it easy but don't be foolish and slam any doors."