She began to cry. It turned into a snarl. "I wanted to beat the shit out of the bastard like he was beating me! There, I said it!"
"But you don't hate him. You love him. Honesty."
"I wanted to hate him. I really did."
"That's a gut reaction. Maybe you should talk it out."
"I did. In my diary. I wrote seven pages."
"Good. Maybe that's better than saying it out loud."
"If he read what I wrote, he'd beat me again."
We discussed feelings and anger. I explained more about her father's brother . . . her uncle; how his drowning affected her dad. She listened attentively and seemed to understand his reaction.
"Your parents spanked you. Didn't you hate them?"
"No. We talked it all out ahead of time with rules and punishments so there were very few surprises. We knew if we lied, stole, hurt someone or directly disobeyed an important rule, we'd be spanked, at least while we were young."
"How old were you?"
"Until I was about your age, or a little older. When it happened, we knew the reason was what we did. Your father and I discussed punishment last night and we agreed we will not to strike either you or Timmy."
She thought for a few seconds. "Why not, if we deserve it?"
"Your father had some very traumatic experiences with his father and their relationship still isn't good. While my parents occasionally spanked Suzie and me and it worked out okay, I personally don't condone it as a form of punishment."
I moved away from my past. "I saw red marks on the top of your legs so I know it must have hurt. Let me see your bum . . ."
"God no, Sarah!"
"Don't be so modest."
"I don't want anyone looking at me. I won't even change in front of the other girls at school. I don't care if sometimes they laugh."
"Good. Stick by your guns. It's your body."
"I guess maybe I deserved what I got."
"We need rules around here and you and I are going to develop them. We have to establish acceptable penalties for misdeeds. Your father left it up to me to come up with standards and consequences and I'm electing you as my assistant."
"We should do what Grandma; both your parents did. You said they were fair."
"We were assigned extra chores or the offender was prohibited from doing something they really enjoyed. Maybe it was just not playing games or going on a picnic but on occasion it was something really important. The punishment depended on the offence."
"That seems right."
We discussed specific offenses, real and imagined, and proper parental responses for each. It was well past Karen's usual bed time before we finished but we reached a common consensus. We discussed serious matters like lying, or stealing or putting oneself in harm's way. I stressed following the rules in the first place as the far better practice. I emphasized that if punishment did become necessary, there were to be no recriminations. Penance served, on with life and love. No grudges held.