"That may be true in part, but my feelings for your father are far stronger than anything I felt for my first husband, ever."
"Why did you marry Doug?"
"I was adrift and he was a very persuasive person. I wasn't near as strongly willed then as I am now. Getting married seemed like the thing to do. Silly, huh? All the wrong reasons."
"Grandma didn't like him very much, did she?"
"No. Nor did Suzie. I should have listened to them instead of shutting them out."
"Why didn't you listen to Grandma and Aunt Suzie? You loved them and you were very close to them."
Her question hurt and generated a wave of guilt. "It was a bad time for my mother. It took her a long time to accept the death of my father; her husband and soul mate. She wasn't the same person during that period. Suzie was involved with her own life and struggles. I don't mean that as an excuse. I know now I should have listened."
"Did you love him when he got killed?" When I didn't answer, Karen said, "I guess it's okay to claim privacy."
"No. Actually, I want to answer. There are things I want to explain, to someone. It's just that I feel guilty as shit; pardon my expression, spilling my problems on you. You're just a child and I'm not being fair."
"I'm not a child!"
"No, you're not and I'm sorry. You're wise far beyond your years."
"So tell me. I won't blab. I can keep a secret."
I tilted back against the head rest and wished I could close my eyes. "Doug was a bastard. He cheated on me for years and treated me like shit. By the time he died, I hated him, and I think he felt the same way about me. So, there. I spilled my guts." I tightened my eyes but I could feel a tear slide down my cheek anyway. I pulled the car to the shoulder of the road; my vision was so blurred I was afraid to drive.
Karen stretched out her seat belt and hugged me. "If you say shit again, I'll make you spend the night in the love chair."
I laughed in spite of myself. "God, I love you, Karen." I said. "What did I ever do to deserve someone so wonderful?"
After I'd pulled myself together, we rode in comfortable silence for several miles but Karen wasn't finished. "Why did you stay with him?" she asked softly after a time.
"Inertia. I had little or no options. I was working as a lowly clerk on a military base in the middle of nowhere. I had no money; half the time I was in a foreign country. Doug controlled everything. I just plodded along wasting too many years."