When I wouldn't say anything, she continued. "Ben knew from the start, more than any of us. Doug slept with everyone he could grab." I could hear the sob in my sister's voice. "Everyone."
"He was a soldier. I knew he was experienced . . ." I couldn't believe I was defending him.
"He screwed everyone, Sarah. Even me." I was flabbergasted.
I jerked her to a stop. "You slept with Doug?"
"God help me. It was in our house, with you studying down stairs. I know I fooled around a lot back then; before I met Ben, but Doug . . . was different. He didn't let you say no. He was . . . forceful."
"Are you saying he raped you?"
"No. I don't know what I'm saying but I know I didn't like what he did to me. He wouldn't take no for an answer long after I told him to stop. I didn't like Doug. I never encouraged him. God, he kept at me even after he dated you and proposed to you! Even that didn't stop him."
"You used to sleep with a lot . . ."
"I know, I know, more guys than I should have, but I was afraid of Doug. I didn't dare get caught alone with him, even after I was married. Ben didn't know it back then; he would have killed him. When you had Doug home for dinner one time, he kept trying to reach up my skirt under the table. He would grab my tit or grope my ass if Ben was just looking the other way. He thought it was funny. Mother saw what he was doing, but she didn't want to hurt you by telling. She just hoped you were smart enough to see the truth."
"So you just pretended not to like him but wouldn't tell me why? How was that better?"
"Would have you listened to us or believed us?"
"You could have tried harder!"
"It tormented Ma so much she confronted Doug. He dragged you away to Texas before she could talk to you, and then he told you lies about us."
"I loved him . . ."
"I think he hit Ma. She wouldn't admit it, but she had a red bruise on her cheek . . . and could hardly lift her arm for days."
"Suzie . . ."
"So help me God, Sarah, I'm so sorry. We should have spoken up or done something! He lied to you; I know he did and dragged you away. I missed you so much." She stopped and put her head on my shoulder." Please forgive me."
My mind was in such a turmoil I didn't respond. She repeated, "I missed you so much, little sister."