We stayed close to a stone wall that lined the length of the jail. I clung to Sebastian but I could faintly hear Kiran move his hand along the wall and use it as a guide. My feet stumbled over the uneven terrain and I struggled from the long, exhausting walk.
I felt Sebastian slump from the effort of moving without his magic and then shiver involuntarily. I wondered if being down here reminded him of the months he lived without magic or if it was the thought of so many tormented souls that bothered him now.
We turned a corner and the invisible oppression grew worse. I could hear the moans of the prisoners in their cells, crying out for reprieve or water. If Titans were down here, they did not make their presence known and so the deeper into the prisons we walked, the louder the cries for help grew.
I shuddered from the chorus of voices that rang out in a unified agony. Tears streamed down my face as I recited Sebastian's instructions in my head over and over again, remembering my purpose, remembering the greater goal. I could not help them now, but soon, very soon, I would set them free from this tyrannical bondage. Sebastian tugged on my hand, pulling me along with him, passed the desperate voices both young and old, and through the heavy air of the prison physically weighing me down.
Sebastian squeezed my hand tighter, as if preparing me for something extra terrible. The air began to thin, but just barely. I could feel the other side of this torment only steps away but not before we walked by the last cell.
I could hear him inside, the soft whimpers of a little boy. His faint cries for help and his childish voice joining the crowd of others asking for relief. The Guard gave him some mercy and placed him on the outer border of the cells, but still his suffering remained evident and his helplessness heartbreaking.
My hand flew to my mouth, stifling the scream that so desperately wanted to escape. I looked back, into the darkness, determined to rescue the small child that no more deserved to be down here than any of the innocent Immortals living under Lucan's inhumane reign.
Sebastian grabbed my arm before I could take a step toward the little boy, my feet moving without my permission, unwilling to walk by that level of disgusting suffering. Sebastian shoved me through another arched passageway and I stumbled forward, falling into Kiran's arms. He leaned against a cool stone wall finding his breath and reached out his hands instinctively to catch me.
The knowledge of what was down here and the memory of that little boy's soft crying were suddenly too much. I buried my face in Kiran's chest, simply because he was the nearest warm body, and my emotions boiled over. He held me to him and patiently let me cry. I stayed as quiet as I could, but I couldn't escape the haunting depression that consumed me.
After a few minutes, Kiran straightened up, coming back to himself and recovering the extent of his magic. He put his hands on my arms as if to comfort me, but then instead, pushed me into Sebastian as if depositing the burden of caring for me to his cousin.
Sebastian caught me, but I was over the raw memory of our journey by now and stood up to find my composure. We stayed there for an awkward minute more, while I wiped my eyes and cleared my throat and the boys counted the seconds waiting for well-rehearsed timing.
And then at exactly the same moment, Kiran and Sebastian walked through another archway. A few feet into the corridor, Kiran pressed against the stone wall in movements that reminded me so clearly of Amory that I had to catch my breath and work to stay the sweeping grief.
My heartache over my dead grandfather was not as constant as it used to be, but when it did come, it was violent stabbing to a broken heart. The sorrow came swift and consuming, memories suddenly too painful to hold.
I recovered by repressing the thoughts and focusing on Avalon and the task at hand and then followed Kiran through a secret doorway that opened from his touch. Once Sebastian was through and the secret passageway closed again we were left in utter darkness. The quiet of the room was so still that it rang irrationally in my ears.
A soft glow of gray magic, an orb barely brighter than the darkness of the passageway, lit up our surroundings for just a moment before it was used to light a torch. The fire burst to life at the end of a stick and was then used to light two others that were passed to me first and then to Sebastian.
I lifted my torch to take in my surroundings and realized we stood in familiar territory. We had entered the cave where a rushing river once flowed. A river that, until my destruction of the tunnel entrance over a month ago, would have had to be paddled against backward for several hours for us to escape.
Sebastian and I followed Kiran to the ledge of the platform and to the rusted ladder that led down into a dried riverbed. Kiran jumped over the side of the platform, not bothering with the ladder, but I was too nervous to follow suit without my magic.
I handed my torch to Sebastian and then swung my legs over the side, turning around and crawling down the shaky ladder that creaked against my weight. My feet reached the bottom of the ladder, and with no other place to step and the darkness obscuring how far the jump down would be, I hesitated nervously in place.
I heard an aggravated sigh and then in a curt British accent, “Just hang on to the last rung and I'll help you down.”
I followed Kiran's instructions, holding weakly to the last rung while he reached up and placed his hands on either side of my waist. Once I was confident he had me, I let go of the ladder and he gently placed me on the ground, his hands not lingering on me for even a second longer than necessary.
After Sebastian jumped down to join us, we started walking upstream, or what would have been upstream if the river had not drained. I found it very surreal to be walking this same ground, without magic and with Kiran. It somehow felt contradictory to anything else I experienced yet.
“This used to be a river,” I commented quietly after what felt like hours of quiet walking. I was tired of the silence, the loneliness, and felt like I should be giving Sebastian and Kiran the tour.
“I know,” Kiran remarked dryly.
“What happened to it?” Sebastian asked curiously, and suddenly I was too embarrassed to explain I was the one that destroyed the entrance so that I wouldn't lose my resolve in offering myself in place of my brother. I annihilated any chance of escape because I convinced myself I was marching to my own death and I couldn't give myself an option of turning around. Then all my plotting, all my planning backfired.
“You know, obliterating the cave was absolutely ridiculous,” Kiran scolded, turning to me with a look of pure irritation on his face. “It has really made my life unnecessarily complicated.” He was so annoyed with me that I actually found him entertaining.