Thunder crossed his face. “Don’t fucking think that. I’ve been here for you in all the ways that count.”
Anka couldn’t argue with that, so she just nodded and silently pleaded with him not to breathe a word about the banshee in the room. “We need to talk to you.”
He gave her a slight nod. “We?”
“You know I’ve thrown my lot in with the Doomsday Brethren.”
“You’re bloody serious?” Shock pushed his way past Bram and entered the house.
“Come in, then. Don’t wait for me to invite you,” Bram snarked. “We’re willing to negotiate with Mathias about ending Morganna.”
No emotion crossed Shock’s face. “I’ll get word to him.”
“Of course you will,” Lucan sneered.
Even behind the sunglasses, Anka knew Shock’s eyes narrowed. She felt the anger radiating from him. Lucan wasn’t any less seething. The need for violence shimmered off of him. She turned, frowned, wondering what had gotten into him. Could he be…jealous? Did he still care? She didn’t want to hope so. Hope hurt too much when reality crushed it. But the truth was, she was jealous of Sabelle and every other woman Lucan had touched. Maybe—
Very aware of Shock’s growl and his charge toward her, she broke off the thought and tiptoed back.
Lucan stepped between them, as if he meant to buffer her from Shock’s anger. “She is a grown witch who can make her own decisions.”
“I can also speak for myself.” She gently pushed Lucan aside. “I’m sorry, Shock.” And she was. He’d done so much for her, yet she repaid him by pining for her former mate every single day. “Yes, I’m serious. For my sanity, I need to be a part of sending Mathias to hell, of stripping him of his sense of power and personal safety the way he stripped me of mine.”
Shock stared at her for an uncomfortable minute, probing, penetrating her thoughts. She winced as he intruded. He wasn’t subtle or careful, and it hurt more than a little. But she allowed it. She allowed him to know that she wasn’t here, intending to dangle herself in front of Lucan with the hope that he would take her back. She gave him the peace of mind of knowing that, no matter how badly she wished otherwise, she intended to be nothing more to her former mate than a trainee.
Finally, Shock turned to Lucan, brows narrowing into a vee as he thrust his way into Lucan’s face. “Hell, no. This bleeding arsehole isn’t training you. He isn’t touching you. I know exactly what he’s thinking. What the fuck could he teach you except to neglect your responsibilities and turn rabid when danger strikes?”
Fury rumbled across Lucan’s face. “You know nothing about mate mourning or the lengths I would go to in order to see Anka protected. So fuck off. You manage to be conveniently absent whenever there’s a battle. What do you think you can do for Anka? Ignore her for a bottle of scotch, then beat her arse blue for the hell of it? You’ve kept her in that ramshackle place you call home. It’s falling down around your ears, and have you taken proper care of her? Do you know that she’s allergic to shellfish and coconut? Do you care that she prefers a very particular brand of silk knickers? Did you bother to find out that she likes to be held when she’s sleeping and that she’ll have nightmares and wake crying, needing to feel that you care?”
Anka closed her eyes. With every word, Lucan was reminding her of so many of the reasons she’d loved him. Yes, she had given herself to him—heart, body, soul, and free will—but he’d given her so very much in return, particularly the kind of understanding she wasn’t certain she could ever find with another man. But that yearning made her weak. She could no longer afford the deepest wishes of her heart, not with Mathias still on the loose.
“Oh, boo hoo,” Shock spat. “Anka doesn’t need that anymore.”
Lucan turned a glare full of burning anger on her. “Is that really true? Have Mathias and Shock really gutted your heart so much that you no longer seek the love and reassurance you once craved? Or do you simply keep telling yourself that’s the case?”
“I don’t need any of that anymore.” And I can’t afford to need you. The words sat on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t make herself say them. They burned every inch of her flesh, all the way to the deepest part of her soul. “I was a stupid, fragile princess who knew nothing about protecting myself. Mathias taught me that in the most vicious way possible.”
Lucan looked like he wanted to argue, but Bram cut in. “We are here to discuss Mathias and negotiate an agreement under which we will all hunt Morganna jointly. Anything else now is petty and pointless. I won’t have you wasting my time whilst you two squabble like children. Are we going to save magickind or not?”
Lucan completely ignored his best friend’s pretty speech. “You’re going with the china doll excuse again, Anka? Can you stand here and tell me you don’t need anything we once shared?”
She swallowed down a searing lump of need, struggling against the lonely, hungry part of her that still yearned for him. “I’ve said I don’t need any of it.”
Defeat crossed Lucan’s face, slumped his shoulders. A surge of blistering fury followed. “Then it’s a damn good thing I don’t want them, either.”
He lied. Because she’d hurt him. Anka didn’t dare blanch, but his words gouged her, emptying out a hole in her heart and pouring pain inside.
“When did your period start, then?” Shock challenged Lucan before turning to Bram. “Got a tampon for him, mate?”
Lucan stiffened, blistering hatred seizing him in a single lunge, complete with a look that could kill. “You’ve changed her. Ruined her. You’re going to pay. I will kill you if it’s the last thing I do.”
Shock smiled like a shark, all teeth and bad attitude. “Not if I kill you first.”
“Shut up!” Bram yelled.
Beside her, Shock raised a hand, looking like he intended to hurl a lethal dose of magic right at Lucan’s chest. He let it fly with a snarling battle cry.
Nothing happened.
With a curse, he looked up to find Felicia standing there, wearing a Mona Lisa smile. “Simon suggested that you might be having a bit of difficulty finding your way back to the office. Shall we?”
Shock flung his hand down and grabbed her by the elbow, dragging her toward Bram’s lair. Behind her, Lucan followed, a carrot Fate dangled in her face, offering her everything she still wanted—but kept just out of reach.
~ ~ ~ ~
She no longer wants me. She no longer wants me. She no longer wants me.