“You’ll decide what?”
“If he’s a decent guy or another one of your losers.”
“And what the hell would you know about a decent guy, Amanda? You’re twenty-eight years old and you’ve never been in a serious relationship.”
She sucked in her breath, hurt flaring in her eyes.
“Shannon,” Mum warned. “If you want us to start over we need to know you aren’t going to bring a whole new load of trouble into your life and, subsequently, ours. We’re not going through this again. Your brother hasn’t finished dealing with the consequences of your last disastrous romance.”
“It’s not up to you to judge Cole,” I continued to argue, hating the idea of anyone believing he somehow had to prove himself. “He deserves better than that.”
Amanda grunted. “No offense, but you’re not exactly known for being able to distinguish a good guy from a loser. You want us to mend fences. Then you’ll introduce us.”
* * *
Reconnecting with Logan ended up burning out something inside me that I’d gotten so used to I hadn’t even realized it shouldn’t be there. Until it was gone.
It was this emptiness in my gut. A horrible space that couldn’t be filled no matter how happy Cole and my new life in Edinburgh made me. It was a feeling that had grown to become a part of me, so much so I’d grown resigned to the idea of it always being there.
It had disappeared. With such sweet, sweet relief, that emptiness was gone.
The remorse was a different story. That might never go away and it certainly wouldn’t be going anywhere anytime soon. Not as long as my brother was in prison. Maybe once he got out I’d have a fighting chance at battling that guilt, but for now it was a part of me, and yes, I was reconciled to that no matter my brother or anyone else’s reassurances.
After talking round in circles with my family, I’d left them with my contact details and told them that we could talk once we’d all slept on it. Then I went straight to Cole and cried in his arms until I fell asleep.
The next day I told him everything that had gone down and he listened without interruption. But I could feel the tension mounting around him.
He was pissed off at my family.
“You don’t have to deal with that shit,” he had said. “Not after the way they’ve treated you.”
“But I do,” I’d insisted. “I have to do this for Logan.”
For now we were agreeing to disagree. As were Rae and I. I’d told her everything too and she was of the same mind as Cole. And although Cole did agree to meet Logan (I’d already arranged for us to go in a couple of weeks on our day off), I discovered upon my arrival at work that not only was Cole being a little distant, but Rae was too.
“This is going to be a fun day,” I muttered after having had the coffee I’d handed each of them snatched out of my hands without even a thank-you. With Cole I knew it was because he’d gone inside his own head to brood over the matter. With Rae it was because she was just really annoyed at me.
Thankfully, as always, we were busy on a Saturday and I could pretend Cole’s quietness was due to his professionalism.
However, I knew with sinking dread in my stomach that all the pretending was about to fly out of the shop door when my sister opened it and stepped inside.
Frozen to the spot in surprise, I watched as her eyes roamed the tattoo studio, her upper lip curled in distaste. Amanda was pretty much my opposite. She hated tattoos, piercings, hair dye, or anything that modified your body from its natural state. She didn’t have a creative bone in her body and she’d never felt the need to enhance or change anything about herself or express who she was through her appearance.
She equated body modification with a deficiency of character.
Amanda finally caught sight of me standing behind the reception desk, and, ignoring the people sitting in the waiting area, she strode over to me with her eyebrow quirked. “This is the famous INKarnate?”
Feeling defensive, I stiffened. “Yes.”
She rolled her eyes. “Only you would think working at a place like this was cool.”
“No, actually hundreds of people would. It’s well respected for its art and it pays well because it gets a lot of business.”
She harrumphed and waved my comment away. “Look, I’m here because we all agree we want you back in our lives. You may have it in your silly little noggin that we could give a shit, but that’s not true, Shannon. We love you. We just . . . We know what you’re like. You have bad judgment. I’m here to make you see some sense.”
I’d gone from being amazed that she’d said the L-word to being indignant at her condescension. “I told you we’d discuss this. You can’t just walk in here, expecting to pass judgment on Cole. One, you just can’t. And two, he’s working. It’s a Saturday. We’re really busy.”
“I just want to meet him. I’m not going anywhere until I do.” She smirked. “Or don’t you want to make good on that promise to Logan?”
I gritted my teeth in frustration. Sometimes my sister was just pure evil. “Wait there.”
I hurried into the back, knocking on Cole’s door.
“Come in,” he called over the buzz of the needle.
I opened the door to find him tattooing a very detailed Minotaur onto a wannabe biker chick’s arm. Her name was Vik and she was a regular. She’d come in for a tattoo way back when I first started working at the studio, and she’d been three other times since then.
Cole looked up at me and stilled at the sight of my expression. “What’s wrong?”
“My sister is here.” I grimaced. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. And she won’t leave until she meets you.”
Cole’s features hardened. “I’ll be out when I’m finished with this tat. She can park her arse in the waiting area.”
I nodded and moved to hurry out when he called my name.
“Yeah?” I asked over my shoulder.
“Don’t offer her coffee, water, anything. She’s not welcome here, and the only reason I’m not throwing her out on her arse is you and your brother.”
Uneasiness moved through me, but I gave him a quick jerk of my chin in agreement and hurried out. I had a feeling this meeting wasn’t going to go too well.
* * *
Amanda made a face as I introduced Cole. I’d taken her into his room for some privacy. Cole hadn’t offered her his hand. He’d just given her a nod of his head and pulled me protectively into his side.
I scowled. “Amanda, you two haven’t even exchanged a word yet.”
“Look at him.” She waved her hand at me. “Like he’s going to stick around you for long.”
“What the f**k is that supposed to mean?” Cole snapped.
Amanda snorted and shot me a pointed look. “Charming.”
Impatience sizzled in my blood. I stepped forward. “Amanda, quit it. You’re supposed to give him a fair chance.”
“I don’t need to. Look at him. I think your first instincts were right on this one, Shannon.”
Realization hit me. “You were never going to give him a chance. You like this. You like me being the black sheep.”
She rolled her eyes at me again. “You did that to yourself. You pick these losers. These big nothings—”
I shot toward her so fast she stumbled back in fright. “Don’t you ever call him that,” I hissed, fists clenched at my sides.
“Shannon,” Cole murmured, but I ignored the placation in his tone.
“You don’t know anything about him or me. Why?” I pleaded. “Why are you being like this? I’m trying to fix things because Logan wants his family back, and you’re playing your petty games.”
“I’m not playing. This is serious. This doesn’t look like trying to me.”
I shook my head, feeling immensely sad all of a sudden. “You said you love me, but I’m not sure I believe that. You and me . . . we’ve never gotten along and I still don’t know why you’ve always had it out for me—”
“Oh, for God’s sake! If only you’d been this paranoid about your boyfriends, maybe Logan wouldn’t be in prison.”
I felt Cole’s heat at my back and I pressed a hand out behind me to stop him from saying or doing anything in retaliation. “Cole does not need to prove himself to you or to anyone. Now, you’ve insulted him enough. I want you to leave.”
Face red, eyes suddenly filled with a surprising amount of emotion, Amanda whispered, “I don’t know what you think or why you think it, but I do care about you. I just don’t trust you and I’m trying to save you from making another huge mistake. I’ll never forget what you did to Logan, but I was willing to try to forgive. Please, Shannon. You let me walk out that door, then you’re cut off from this family.”
As I was almost paralyzed by her words, it was only the touch of Cole’s hands on my h*ps that reached me. Fear of disappointing Logan again kept me from saying anything.
Amanda took my silence as rejection and with wounded eyes and a disapproving grimace she hurried out of the studio before I could figure out how to make it all work.
CHAPTER 24
I felt sick.
Logan wanted one thing from me, one thing, and I’d already mucked it up.
I spent the next few hours trying to push past my emotions and think rationally. I needed to come up with some way of making this situation work out for everyone.
I just didn’t know how.
“Are you going to speak ever again?” Cole said.
He sat across from me at Rae’s kitchen table. Rae was out. After having heard the commotion at work, she’d decided we probably wouldn’t be great company that night. Why she couldn’t just say she was giving us some space, I didn’t know, but that was Rae’s way. You would think being thoughtful was something to be ashamed of the way she tried so hard to hide her considerate side.
“I’m sorry.” I pushed my plate of egg noodles and red Thai chicken away. “I just keep thinking things over and over and I still don’t know what to do.” I bit my lip and then suggested softly, “Perhaps we should take a step back.”
Cole froze for a second before his fork clattered to his plate. “Excuse me?”
I continued thinking out loud. “Just until I breach the distance with my parents. You know . . . ease myself back into the fold, show them I’m trying, and then when they see that, you and I can pick up speed again and they’ll see for themselves what a good guy you are.”
The air in the room turned arctic. I knew immediately I’d made a huge error in judgment by thinking out loud. Anger, incredulity . . . and hurt blazed in Cole’s eyes as he shoved back from the table to tower over it and me. His voice was almost a whisper, it was so choked with emotion. “After everything, after the way they’ve treated you, neglected you, you want to put us on hold to appease them?”
I slid back from my chair, desperately trying to think of a way to calm the situation, to articulate this correctly, because clearly I was messing it up. “No! I mean, just temporarily.”
Wrong thing to say! My eyes widened as his whole being seemed to expand with anger. “You cannot be serious?” he said.
“Cole, please. Try to see it from my perspective. This is my family. And yes, they’re not a great one, but they’re still my family. They’re hurt and scared and I’ve been running from them, it all, for too long. It’s time to fix things. It’s what Logan wants and what I think I need.” I took a step toward him, placation in my eyes. He flinched back from me. I was royally screwing this explanation up. “Cole . . . you of all people have to understand. Your mum was a crap mum, but you never abandoned her. Not completely.”
A muscle flexed in his jaw as he nodded with teeth gritted. Finally he expelled his breath in a hoarse voice. “But I would never have chosen her over you.”
“I’m not choosing anyone over—”
“I can’t do this right now.” He held up a hand to interrupt me. “I need to walk out of here before I say shit I’ll regret.”
Wondering how the conversation could have taken such a bad turn, I pleaded with him. “Don’t. I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m just trying to think of—”
“Not trying to hurt me?” He pushed the chair he’d been sitting in hard against the table. It was my turn to flinch back. “You’re asking me to f**king prove myself. If anyone has to prove themselves it’s them!”
I pressed my lips closed, realizing with a heaviness in my gut that that was exactly what I’d just asked him to do. After telling my family that I would never do that to him, I’d done it without thinking. “I didn’t mean that,” I promised. “I really didn’t. I just don’t know what else to do.”
But my apology didn’t even penetrate his anger. He leaned forward, eyes narrowed, and hissed, “Here’s a hint: You should never have said you wanted to take a break. You should never have asked me to prove myself after all the shit you’ve put me through.” He cut me another disgusted look and strode out of the room while I recovered from his furious attack.
Hearing the front door open, I snapped out of my stupor and raced down the hallway. “Cole!”
He spun around. “And to think I was going to ask you to move in with me. What a huge f**king mistake that would have been.”
Oh heck, this was not happening. “Cole, please—”