“I think we got carried away.” He smiles lazily.
I smile back, feeling my hot skin tingle from his touch and a ride full of memories. “Maybe we did.”
He leans down and places a soft kiss on my nose.
“What was that about?” I ask.
Ronan smirks, running his hand through his hair and disheveling it a little. “Just felt like kissing your nose.”
“Weirdo,” I tease.
We stare at each other in silence as all traces of a smile slowly disappear from his handsome face. Then he steps closer to me until his front touches mine and places his hands on the door, enclosing my head. “I want to see you again, Blaire,” he whispers against my mouth. “Go out with me tomorrow night.”
I shake my head no. “Ronan … don’t. Please, I can’t go there. Today was probably one of the best days I’ve ever had. The party … the train ride … it was all …” I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. “I shouldn’t have kissed you, but I couldn’t help myself. But we can still let the night end on a high note. Don’t ask me for another date, or to see me again. I’m not good for you. I’m really not.”
He frowns. “Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?”
I want to stamp my foot in frustration because he’s making things so difficult for me. He isn’t supposed to fight back. He’s supposed to accept my answer without asking any questions. He’s supposed to leave.
“I just got out of a relationship, Ronan. I’m not ready to date.” Lawrence’s green eyes flash in my head. After taking a deep breath, I push all thoughts of Lawrence into the dark recesses of my mind and focus on Ronan. I can’t let him seduce my thoughts with his memory and what it promises.
Ronan smiles and lifts his hands to cup my jaw tenderly. “Blaire, I’m not asking you to date me. I’m just asking for another chance to see you again.”
“I don’t know—”
“Don’t be scared of me.”
“I’m not scared of you. I’m scared of myself, and of the things you make me want, and—”
He shuts me up with a kiss that I feel all the way in my bones. When he pulls away, he’s totally rocking a smug expression on his face. The asshole knows the power of those lips of his, and knows exactly how to use them to his advantage. “Fuck me … it just keeps getting better and better.”
“Huh? What? What keeps getting better?” I ask, fluttering my eyelashes open.
Ronan lowers his face and begins trailing kisses on my neck. Every time his lips come into contact with my skin, little shockwaves spread through my body, over and over again. “Kissing you, Blaire. It keeps getting better and better.”
I swallow hard, my legs turning to jelly. “You really need to stop doing that.”
“What? This?” he whispers roughly before kissing me once again.
“Oh …” I sigh into his mouth before I realize that he’s done it again. I smack him on his solid chest. “And you did it again! You better stop it, Ronan, honestly. I can’t think when you do that.”
He grins. “Good, I don’t want you to. Go out with me, Blaire.”
I shake my head, fighting a smile. “I know I’m going to regret this.”
“Maybe … but live a little.”
“I like my life to be planned and uncomplicated.”
“It’s better to live a life full of regrets than not live at all.” He lowers his voice and adds huskily, “Let me show you how it’s done.”
“What makes you think you have what it takes?”
After he roams my face hungrily with eyes that burn with passion, he leans down to whisper in my ear, his breath tickling my skin, “I’ve got what it takes. Trust me on that.”
“This is crazy, but fine. You win.”
He smirks like the sexy man that he is, charm oozing out of his every single pore. “Aren’t the best things in life the ones that make us feel a little crazy? A little reckless?”
I bite my lip and let his words sink in, wondering if he’s right. “I don’t know about that …”
“I guess we’ll just have to find out, won’t we?” He moves away from me, my body already missing his warmth. Eyes on me, he starts to walk backward toward the elevator. “And in the meantime, stay away from the streets.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re a heart attack on legs, beautiful.”
I laugh and cover my face with my hands as I stare at him through the gaps between my splayed fingers. “Oh my God. That was so bad.”
Ronan smiles a sweet smile that emphasizes how beautiful he is, but that isn’t what makes my heart leap. It’s the way he’s staring at me. What I see in his eyes. “It made you laugh, didn’t it?”
“Yes, but—”
“But nothing. I wanted to hear you laugh.”
I roll my eyes and laugh, the sound free and light as I let the moment sink in.
Ronan … it could be so easy to fall in love with you.
I TAKE A DEEP BREATH, FLIP ONTO my stomach, the fluffy pillow underneath my cheek soft and comforting, and stare ahead. The shadows of the night disappear as rays of sunlight bathe the room in a golden glow. Ronan dropped me off sometime after midnight, but I haven’t been able to fall asleep. When I try to close my eyes, my mind replays my entire day with Ronan over and over again, sending my heart into overdrive. My body still hums with energy and giddy excitement, forcing sleep away.
I watch the morning breeze coming through the open window, making the white curtains dance lightly against the windowpane. The movement is fluid and free—so peaceful to watch, so different from the storm brewing inside me. Not even the frenzied fluttering in my stomach, or the slow burn between my thighs as I remember his touch, can keep my thoughts at bay. The angry voices shout inside my head that he’s bad for me and that I should tread carefully, but I try to quiet them for as long as possible. I just want to pretend for a little longer that I’m normal; that someone actually likes me for who I am, and maybe that someone could grow to care for me.
My heart rate accelerates as I recall what it felt like to kiss him. What it felt to have his arms wrapped around me like he was never going to let go. What it felt whenever he smiled at me and only me. I try to distinguish the feelings coursing through me in the Ronan aftermath.
Is it happiness?
Awe?
Satisfaction?
Hope?
Desire?
Fear?
I think it might be a little bit of everything. How can I describe the exact feelings that reign my body after what could possibly be the best day and night of my life? I’m giddy. I’m confused. I’m scared. But I’m so damn happy. For a day, I lived to the fullest.
Ronan showed me that there’s a difference between living and living. And it wasn’t that we were reckless or that we did anything outrageous … no. It’s odd, but I felt every second tick by. Every laugh was real, every word we spoke meant something, every touch of his etched itself on me, and every kiss we shared embedded itself in my soul. There were no wasted or trivial moments.
Every single minute counted.
Every single second breathed new life into me.