But what about her real life? The one she wanted so desperately?
It was hard right now to picture herself in a boardroom, going over production figures and profit/loss statements. That was where she belonged, where things made the most sense, but that seemed so far away from where she was now. How was she ever going to get back there? And if she did, how was she ever going to put the past behind her?
She had no answers, and for now, it was a moot point. For as long as she wore Iain’s luceria, she was tied to his world. And while she was here, her only real option was to kill as many demons as she could.
It was time to go and see exactly what she was capable of.
Iain wasn’t sure what Tynan had done, but whatever it was, he was no longer screaming inside, fighting the constant need to kill. He could think clearly for the first time since Jackie had taken his luceria. The emotions he was feeling weren’t gone, but they were quieter, giving him space to think. Even the monster slept soundly.
His first reaction was that he wanted to share his good fortune with Jackie, but then he realized that he couldn’t say a word. Not even to her.
Tynan hadn’t been able to break their bond, which meant there was only one way to free her. He was going to have to die. The question was, how long would he keep up this charade before he accepted his fate? How long would it take him to convince her to choose Cain?
He felt a tug on his power and knew that Jackie was awake. He followed that strand of power outside to where a pair of Sentinel Stones sat at the side of the training field. They were taller than a man and carved with intricate runes. One had been there a long time, and was covered in lichen, while the other had recently been transported here. It had been found in the basement of an old building in Kansas City, and there was a dark stain creeping several feet up from the bottom, where the Stone had been sitting in water.
These monoliths served as gateways between worlds, and keeping them safely behind the walls of Dabyr was vital in keeping the Synestryn from spreading their evil out beyond Earth.
Jackie was dwarfed by the Stones, standing still under the night sky.
“Why aren’t you asleep?” he asked.
She kept her back to him. “Something woke me up. I couldn’t get back to sleep.”
The moon shone down on her glossy hair and highlighted her delicate bone structure. A long leather coat skimmed her curves, keeping her warm. She stood between the two Stones, staring up at the stars.
“What are you doing out here?”
“I like it here. I’m alone, but I don’t feel lonely, you know?”
The idea that she was lonely bothered him. He took a step closer, catching her scent on the night breeze. “I’ll keep you company, if you like.”
She nodded absently, staring at something, reaching her hand up near one of the Stones. “Can you feel it?” she asked.
Iain looked and saw nothing. Felt nothing. “No. What are you talking about?”
She took his hand, curling her fingers around his palm. Then she guided it into the air. “It’s warmer here.”
“I don’t feel any difference.” Except the way his cells perked up at her touch.
“Neither could Helen. It must just be me.” She sighed in disappointment and her hand fell to her side. Iain kept hold of her fingers, because he wasn’t yet ready to give up touching her.
“Do you want me to have it investigated? It could be some kind of Synestryn weapon.”
Jackie shook her head. “It doesn’t feel sinister. It feels…familiar, like the hug of an old friend.”
“Maybe that’s what they want you to feel.”
She gave him a pointed look. “I lived with them for two years. They wouldn’t know what it was like to hug a friend even in their wildest dreams. They’re not like us, Iain. They’re evil, soulless monsters.”
He barely stifled a flinch at her words. They shouldn’t have hurt him—he shouldn’t have even been able to feel hurt. But he did.
He untangled his fingers from her slender ones and shoved his hands into his pockets. If his true nature was ever revealed before he died, she wouldn’t thank him for making her touch a soulless monster.
“You should go back inside. You need your rest.”
“No, what I needed was to find my spine, which I have. I’m going with them.”
“Going where with whom?” he asked.
“Hunting. With the others. Joseph is right. I know more about those caves than anyone. I should be out there, searching for the source of all this evil.”
He started shaking his head before she’d even finished speaking. “It’s too dangerous. You’re not ready.”
She held out her hand and a brilliant little flame sprouted up from her skin. “I’m ready. The magic stuff is simple. Exhausting, but simple.”
“The connection between us is too new and small for you to do much.”
“I feel it growing. Don’t you?”
He did. Too fast. Soon, he wouldn’t be able to block her from his thoughts and she’d know he was soulless. He didn’t want that to happen. He wanted to die with what was left of his honor intact. “Have you been suffering any ill effects?”
She frowned as if trying to puzzle something out. “I keep getting this odd feeling, but it’s not bad.”
“What kind of odd?”
Jackie hesitated for a moment as if trying to find the right words. “It’s like I’m surrounded by this black void, and every once in a while, a little light flickers to life. It happens right before I learn something new I can do.”
Iain had never heard of such a thing, and that bothered him. She’d been at the mercy of Synestryn for so long, there was no way to tell what they might have done to her. “We should tell Joseph and Tynan. Gilda would probably have had some answers….”
“But she’s dead now.”
He nodded. “She and her husband died the night we freed you. They were the oldest bonded pair among us. Now that honor falls to Helen and Drake.”
“And they’re not exactly experts.”
“There’s a couple in England and another in Australia. They’ve been together for nearly as long as Gilda and Angus were. They might know something.”
Jackie shook her head. “I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. It’s not like I’ll be dealing with it for long.”
At first he thought she knew of his plans to end his life, and then he realized she thought he only needed to get over a bad case of heartache. He couldn’t lead her to false belief. It wasn’t fair. She had to know the score. “Tynan wasn’t able to break our bond. If he can’t, I don’t know of anyone who can.”
She offered him a sad smile. “How do you mend a broken heart?”
The urge to blurt out that it wasn’t his heart but his soul that needed mending pressed at his lips. “I don’t want you to worry that you’ll be trapped, tied to me.”
“I miss my old life, and I really do want it back again, but first I need to do this. Being tied to you gives me more power than I’d ever imagined possible. And if you never get over Serena, then I’ll learn to live with it, somehow. I’ll move on with my life, and you can do the same. We’ll go our separate ways. At least you won’t die now, right?”
His gaze skittered away from hers. He couldn’t look her in the eye while he lied. She deserved better than that. “What will you do when we’re no longer bound?”
“Go back to my life, of course. I’ve never hidden the fact that that’s what I want.”
“What about the other men? Could you save one of them while you did so?”
Jackie’s mouth flattened. “I don’t know, Iain. I want to be the kind of person who would help, but I feel like I’ve already given too much of my life to the demons. If I accept another union, then what’s to keep me from being pulled back into your world?”
“It’s your world, too. You belong here.”
“I know you think so, but I have to do what’s right for me. I’m trying really hard to be a good sport about our accidental predicament. I didn’t even freak out when you said Tynan failed to free me.”
“Because you’ve already made up your mind to move on, with or without our bond.”
“I’m going to help you find these breeding sites, but once the threat is gone, I have to move on. I’ll go insane if my whole life ends up being a series of terror and pain.”
Like it had been for the past two years.
He tried to hide his sympathy for her, knowing it would come across as pity. His Jackie wouldn’t want anyone’s pity. She was too independent for that.
“Are you serious about helping find these nests?” he asked.
“I am. We’ll do this one thing together, and after that, I need you—all of you—to let me go.”
This was likely the only gift he’d ever be able to give her, and he didn’t want it to pass him by. “I will. I’ll let you go.” One way or another.
Chapter 14
Jackie went through the photos Nicholas gave her, searching for something that looked familiar. Many of the caves’ entrances were shielded by brush, but only one of them was a gaping hole that went straight down into the ground.
As soon as she saw it, she remembered that—remembered staring over the edge, knowing that once she went down there, she’d never be able to crawl back up. The drop was too steep, her arms too weak from hunger and loss of blood.
“This one,” she said, handing Iain the photo. “This looks right.”
He nodded, his expression hard. “We’ll need rappelling gear. And you’ll need warm clothes. A cold front is moving in.”
“When do we go?”
“As soon as you’re ready. You should get some sleep first.”
There was no way she was going to be able to sleep, knowing that as soon as she woke, she was headed back to the source of her nightmares. “I’ll sleep in the car,” she lied. “I just want to get this over with.”
“I’ll meet you at the garage in twenty minutes. You’ll find everything you need in the storage room. I’ll drop you off there on my way.”
Twenty minutes later, she had an overnight bag packed with a change of clothes, toiletries, and a fully loaded gun with spare bullets. She stood by the door to the underground garage, watching Iain stride down the hall. His long, thick legs ate up the distance, and his arms bulged with the weight of the gear he carried.
He surveyed her up and down, his black eyes sparkling with respect. “You were fast.”
“It’s easy to pack when you own nothing.”
Her flippant comment made him frown. “We’ll fix that when we get back. You should have the things that make you happy.”
“Things don’t make a person happy.”
“It’ll make me happy to see you with them.”
She tried to picture him smiling, and the only image she could conjure was the one of him smiling down at Serena, love filling his gaze. She would have liked to have him look at her with half as much emotion. Hell, even a fleeting grin would be miraculous.