I turned around, sucking in a sharp breath. Up close, the black eye was worse, but there was something glinting in his one good eye. Something that chilled my insides, made me want to run.
“We need to talk,” he said, voice low.
I shook my head. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
He leaned in, his head inches from mine. There was a minty scent on his breath. “You at least owe me a chance to explain, especially after what your brother did.”
Any feelings of dread I had were quickly replaced by irritation, and I tore my arm free, not caring what people thought. I owed him? “I don’t owe you anything, Del.”
He exhaled. “I know you’re mad, and I get that, but all I want to do is talk to you. You can’t just break up with me and have that be it. You don’t get to make a call like that without giving me the chance to fix it.”
My mouth gaped as I took a step back, hitting the edge of a glass case full of plaques and metals. “Look, I’m sorry. Maybe Scott shouldn’t have hit you, but this is my choice. I don’t need your permission.”
His jaw popped out. “That’s not what I meant. I know you don’t need my permission. You’re twisting what I’m saying.”
Across from us, a few kids had their phones out, texting away. My heart sank a little, knowing that by the beginning of first period, this would be all over the damn school. “Del, I don’t want to talk about this. Maybe later—”
“Later? You promise?” He grabbed ahold of my hand again. “Tell me you promise, and I’ll believe you. Okay? Because out of everyone, I have your back, Sammy. You just don’t realize that.”
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. The desperation he threw off covered my skin like a slimy, dirty substance. Why was he so frantic to salvage this relationship? It wasn’t great before, and it sure as hell wasn’t something worth fighting for now that I’d lost my memories.
“Is everything okay here?” Mrs. Messer’s voice came out of nowhere. “Samantha?”
Del dropped my hand, and I turned, swallowing. “Yeah, everything is fine.”
Her dark eyes settled on him. “And you?”
He nodded, taking a step back. “Everything is great.”
“Then I suggest you get to class,” she responded coolly.
With him facing me, Del’s one-sided smile looked wrong with the black eye. “Later.”
I said nothing as he pivoted and stalked off. The icky feeling was still coating my skin, seeping through. Clenching the strap on my bag, I shuddered.
“Is everything really okay, Samantha?” Mrs. Messer asked softly, coming to stop beside me.
Nodding, I worked to keep my voice level. “Yes. We were just talking.”
Her gaze didn’t miss anything. “Is the condition of his face something I should be concerned about?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I have to go.”
Mrs. Messer nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
There was no escaping our meetings, but it was better than the alternative—an honest-to-God real psychiatrist. Hurrying to homeroom, I slid into my seat seconds before the bell rang. The first two classes weren’t bad. It was the next class, English, that I was dreading.
Veronica was waiting for me when I walked in and headed for where I’d been sitting since I returned to school. She stuck out one thin arm, blocking me. “You can’t sit here.”
For a moment I entertained the idea of grabbing her by her overprocessed hair and dragging her to the floor. “Why?” I demanded.
She twisted her lips into a frigid smile that was oddly familiar. Candy snickered from her seat. “Mr. Dase?” Candy raised her voice, waving her arm back and forth. “Mr. Dase?”
The teacher looked up from the stack of paper on his desk and let out a loud sigh. “Yes, Candy?”
“Can you make Sammy sit somewhere else?” she implored. “We don’t feel comfortable sitting here with her.”
Fire scorched my cheeks as a dozen or so faces turned to me. One stood out the most—Goth Boy. I expected him to look pleased that I was getting paid back for the years of abuse I’d put him through. Instead, his almond-shaped eyes just looked sad behind the spikes of black hair.
Mr. Dase raised his brows. “Why don’t you feel comfortable, Candy?”
“It’s okay,” I said, hating the way my voice trembled as I headed to an open seat in the back. “I can sit back here.”
Satisfied with the resolution, he went back to shuffling his papers, but out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Veronica shoot Candy a pointed look.
“Mr. Dase,” Candy whined, waving her arm again.
Taking my seat, I gripped the edges of my desk.
“Yes?” Mr. Dase sighed.
Candy sat up straight, pushing her chest out and arching her back. “I don’t like that she’s sitting behind me.” Her voice dropped to a stage whisper. “You do know she was the last person to see Cassie alive, right?”
My knuckles ached from how tight my grip was on the desk. Okay. That was it. There was a good chance I would hurt one or both of them.
Our teacher’s expression remained bland. “I am sure you’re perfectly safe where you are.”
He then moved on to roll call, and that quieted Candy down, but the damage was already done. Stewing with anger and embarrassment, I had no idea what was covered in class. When the bell rang, I had to force myself to walk out of the class without confronting them. Their laughter followed me through most of my classes.
In bio, I figured Candy would keep quiet without Veronica being there, and I wondered if that had been me once—calling the shots like Veronica. Making the other girls do terrible, mean things out of spite and boredom.
I was now a strong believer in karma.
My crappy day got a little better when Carson came into class. The smile on my face wasn’t forced or weak. It was big and stupid—real.
He didn’t smile back as he sat beside me, and I felt the happy little feeling deflate. “Why did Scott give Del a black eye? He won’t tell me why.”
“Oh.” Not what I’d expected. Glancing up at the front of the class, I could tell that Candy was trying to listen. Squeezing my pen to keep myself from turning it into a weapon of mass destruction, I kept my voice low. “Del didn’t really do anything.”
“He didn’t?” His voice was dangerously soft. “Because I’m thinking the worst here, and if so, he’ll have a matching eye by the end of the day.”
My eyes widened. “No—no, nothing like that. I broke up with him, and then I had this memory about something he did. We kind of got into it after that, and he wouldn’t leave. Scott sort of took care of that.”
“What do you mean, he wouldn’t leave?” Anger shone from his blue eyes, along with a fierce protectiveness that had me wanting to smile like an idiot.
“It’s not a big deal, really. Everything is fine now.” With the exception of Del thinking he could somehow renegotiate our relationship status.
Carson didn’t look too convinced, but he scooted closer, pressing his knee against mine. “What did you remember?”
“Uh, it’s really embarrassing.”
“I can deal.” He grinned.
My lips twitched. “I’m sure you can, but I’m not confident that I can.” I watched him as he waited, sighing when I realized he wasn’t going to let it drop. “I’m sure you already know. It has to do with…photos on a phone.”
One brow arched, and then he leaned back as he figured it out. “Would this be something that happened around seven months ago?”
I nodded as my entire face turned warm. “Yeah, well, I had no idea he’d taken those photos when…it was happening.” Focusing on the back of Candy’s head, I continued almost painfully. “I don’t know why I forgave him when it happened. I can’t even wrap my head around it. It’s disgusting.”
“So you weren’t okay with it?”
“Not from what I do remember. I was pretty pissed.” I peeked at him from underneath my lashes. “So…you saw them?”
He watched me for a ridiculously long time. A brief, indiscernible emotion flickered across his face. “I saw them.”
“Great.” I tucked a strand of my hair back, searching for a much-needed change in subject. “I got another note last night, after Del left.”
“What did it say?” He sounded relieved by the topic change, too.
I pulled the note out, showing him. Again, another unclear expression appeared as he read it. “It would be nice to know who ‘him’ is,” he said, folding it and handing it back over. “Who do you think is leaving these notes?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered, shoving the note back into my bag. “It would have to be someone who has access to my house. That really limits the whole pool of suspects.”
Carson agreed, and we didn’t have any more time left to discuss potential candidates. Class started, and we had to examine cell growth in plants under a shared microscope. Tingles shot up my arm every time our hands brushed when we exchanged slides.
After class, he walked to my locker with me, waiting until I was ready to head to the cafeteria. I wasn’t sure if he was keeping an eye out for Del or if he had been as unwilling as I’d been to leave bio.
As we neared the doors and crowded room, I stopped. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“Okay.” He looked reluctant to head in, but I smiled and then he nodded, went around me, and disappeared.
I waited for the one person I’d hoped would be up-front with me, ignoring the looks of those passing by me. I spied Julie up ahead. Her long skirt flowed around her ankles as she strode down the hall. Her lips spread into a smile when she saw me, but it quickly faded when I grabbed her arm.
“Hey,” she said, glancing around. “What’s up?”
“Can we talk somewhere private?”
Julie’s ponytail bobbed as she nodded. “We could go to the computer lab. No one is in there during lunch.”
Perfect. I followed her down the hall, past the library, and into the cold, silent lab. She dropped her bag in a chair. “What’s going on?”
I took a deep breath and then said something I should’ve said days, if not weeks, ago. “Not to be all twelve-step program on you, but first off, I’m sorry for whatever I might have done or said to you.” I felt the heat creeping across my cheeks. “It wasn’t right for a multitude of reasons, and I have this feeling that you were probably the only true friend I had and I screwed that up.”
Julie hesitated. “Sam, I could take up an entire week listing all the shit you’ve pulled, but seriously? You’re not the same. When Scott first told me you…you changed, I didn’t believe him, but I saw that it was true the day you sat at the table, and it’s still true. In the way you talk, how you carry yourself and look at people. You remind me of how you used to be, and that’s good enough of an apology. Anyway, it’s in the past. I’m over it.”
Tears rushed to my eyes. It wasn’t much of a forgiveness speech, but it was close, and I’d take it. “Okay. I want to ask you something, and I want you to be honest.”
Taking ahold of her ponytail, she started twisting the end around her fingers. “All right.”
“I remembered something last night, about Del and me. He’d taken these photos of me—”
“The ones where you were giving him a bl*w j*b like a p**n star?”
I grimaced. “Yeah, thanks, but I hadn’t known he was taking them. I must’ve heard about them after the fact and blown up.”
“You didn’t know?” She leaned against the edge of the desk, eyes narrowed. “What an ass.”
“My thoughts exactly.” I propped myself against the table beside her. “But I forgave him, and I don’t know why I would have. I was hoping you could tell me…what I was like when I dated Del.”
“Oh, wow.” Julie blinked. “Honestly?”
I nodded.
She gave a short laugh. “I’m not even sure if you really loved him or if you two were sort of expected to be together. Your families are, like, the richest in the county. You both were popular and good-looking. It was assumed you two would get together….Well, either you or Cassie when her mother moved back, but I don’t think anyone really thought that until she got older.”
“Did she want to date Del?”
“She wanted everything that you had, if you ask me.” She continued winding the hair around her hand. “It was freaky, honestly, how much she tried to be like you. I always thought she was two seconds from going Single White Female on your ass. So did Scott.”
“So you think I was with Del only because everyone expected us to be together?” My brain rebelled against the idea. All the reasons she’d listed were so damn shallow it was pathetic.
“I think so.” She twisted toward me, tilting her head to the side. “When we were younger, in middle school, you had the biggest crush on Carson.”
My stomach tightened at his name.
“You two hung out so much, but then Cassie came into the picture,” she said, almost sadly. “And then Del.”
Shame and guilt swirled in my stomach, and I lowered my chin. “I don’t understand where I went wrong. How I could just dump people and be okay with what Del did?”
“I don’t think you were ever okay with it. You acted like you were.” She sighed. “But I knew better. You were embarrassed when the pics started getting sent around. And it pissed me off so much that you acted like it was okay. It was so passive, and I wanted to hit you. Seriously.”