He immediately thought about Luke and how close him and Sierra had gotten since Hannah’s birth. He knew they hadn’t done it purposely, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty for some of it. Luke seemed to be reattaching himself to Sierra as though she might slip through his hands. Cole wouldn’t say so, but he was pretty sure it was Luke’s way of compensating for the fact that he wasn’t Hannah’s biological father.
When the three of them discussed having children, it hadn’t been a simple discussion. Knowing that the three of them couldn’t legally solidify their relationship, they had to settle for doing it for love. Because Sierra wanted to know, for the sake of the baby’s health, they’d gotten a little creative with their love making, which had surprised the hell out of Cole. When they decided that Cole would be the father, more from Luke’s unfounded concerns about his family’s health issues, he’d been beside himself with joy. There had been no sense in arguing with Luke even though Logan had confirmed there weren’t any health issues that he knew of, so they moved forward as planned. From that point on, until the pregnancy was confirmed, Luke had used condoms with Sierra while Cole had not.
Truthfully, Cole hadn’t expected it, but as he lived and breathed, he was grateful for the gift every single day. Although Luke treated Hannah like his very own daughter, Cole wondered whether his own insecurities were pushing him to try and strengthen his relationship with Sierra. Not that the man had anything to worry about.
And it didn’t seem to matter because even though Cole was Hannah’s biological father, his name on the birth certificate, he still had plenty of his own insecurities. The same ones he was getting damned tired of fighting all the time. There wasn’t a single reason either of them should be questioning their relationship, but it seemed they both couldn’t quite grasp the concept.
When they were together, during those remarkably few instances when life wasn’t pulling one or more of them in a different direction, it could only be described as combustible. The three of them together was like a raging wild fire, and if Cole actually looked at it with rational eyes, their relationship was stronger than ever. Probably most of it could be attributed to the little girl in his arms.
Then again, Cole questioned why Luke wasn’t trying to bring himself closer to Cole. Was he doing something wrong? Was he inadvertently pushing Luke away? When it came to sex, the heat was there, so was the intensity in what they were feeling for one another, but it was as though they were both holding themselves back at this point. Sierra always attempted to bring them together, even offering to watch, but Luke was shying away from him more now than before.
Cole knew without a doubt that they were going to collide one of these days. In more ways than one. The emotions that he continued to lock down were going to find their way out, and he would have no choice other than to confront Luke about them.
Whatever happened, he had to remind himself that no matter what, he loved them. All three of them. Every ounce of his heart belonged to them equally, and he knew he’d never be able to live without them.
He only prayed it never came down to that.
Chapter Eighteen
It was late by the time Luke finally made it home. After a rather heated discussion with Trent and Xander, he’d finally decided to call it a night. He left Lucie in charge of the bar and Kane was there to assist. Not because he had to, but because he wanted to be where Lucie was. Those two were going to make it, Luke knew.
When he walked in through the garage entrance, he noticed that all of the lights in the house were off. He’d gotten used to coming home from time to time to Sierra or Cole feeding Hannah in the living room. He glanced over at the monitor on the counter and saw on the video screen that Hannah was sleeping soundly in her bed.
At the moment, he was thinking Hannah had the right idea. Sleep was obviously on his short list of things to do, and he hoped to get to it sooner rather than later. He just wanted to shuck his clothes and fall into bed and not wake for at least eight hours. He’d be lucky to get four, but he wasn’t going to complain.
As he moved through the living room, he noticed the light on the back porch was on, so he headed that way to turn it off. That’s when he noticed Cole sitting at the patio table drinking a beer and staring out at the pool. He took a minute just to drink in the sight of him.
For some reason, seeing Cole sitting there alone saddened him. He had noticed recently that Cole seemed to be pulling away. For a man with the patience of a saint, Luke didn’t understand what might be sending him in that direction. They were all three in this relationship together and as far as Luke was concerned, it was forever.