“Kyler,” I say quietly again. He doesn’t acknowledge my presence. Instead he places his palms against the cool glass, and leans against it, hanging his head between his shoulders. He might not want to hear me out, but I’m going to tell him anyway.
“I didn’t say no,” I start. “I was just caught off guard. I didn’t mean for it to come out the way it did, but you surprised me,” I wait for a response, and when it doesn’t come I continue, “We’ve been through so much, and our relationship is still far too new to be jumping into more so quickly. I just want to enjoy what we have now, before taking that next step.”
“You don’t have to explain Cass, I get it. I shouldn’t have asked.” His words knock me off kilter, and I feel hurt blooming in my chest. It’s silly, considering I didn’t exactly give him the answer he wanted. I still stand by it though. The past few weeks have been taxing on both of us, especially the week following Robert Knight’s death. I never left Kyler’s side, and if he was up late, unable to sleep, then I was right there next to him. It was difficult, experiencing all of that with his father. I felt as if I’d lost a father too. It didn’t help that news of Robert’s death spread like wild fire. Kyler and his mother were barely able to go anywhere without being swarmed by paparazzi who asked a thousand questions. I put my unease aside, knowing it was my life in the media too, and did what I could to be there for Kyler and his mother. I’m still not used to seeing my picture in the newspaper or in the tabloids, but over the past week, it was inevitable. I’m the new woman on Kyler Knights arm, and he’s just taken over his father’s company. It’s big news, or at least the paparazzi seem to think so.
I close the space between me and Kyler, and press my chest to Kyler’s bare back as I wrap my arms around his waist. He doesn’t move, but I feel the sigh that leaves his chest. My hand rests over his heart, and I feel the steady thump thump, thump thump, of his heart. I’ve found that it’s centers me, reminds me that no matter what’s going on around us or between us, as long as I hear that sound I know we’ll be okay.
“We’ve been through so much,” I whisper against his skin.
“I know,” he sighs, resting his hand over mine.
My eyes flutter shut, and our breathing synchronizes, like we’re breathing as one person. It’s strange, to feel so connected to another human being in such a short space of time.
“I didn’t say no,” I tell him gently. “I just meant not now. We’ve just started figuring all of this out after our previous…” I swallow, wondering how to word what it is we had before. Saying we were fuck buddies, or even friends-with-benefits doesn’t feel right to me anymore, “arrangement. Don’t you think we should take our time, settle into our new relationship, and just take our time?”
Kyler pushes off the glass windows, forcing me to drop my hold on him. He turns to face me. “Yeah.” He leans in and presses a gentle kiss to my forehead. It feels like both a comfort and a dismissal. “Go back to bed, baby. I’ll see you in the morning.”
My insides are screaming at me to argue, to fight, to make sure he understands where I’m coming from. Instead, I listen to him. Pressing a soft kiss to the side of his mouth, I say goodnight and make my way back to his bedroom, where I crawl back under the covers. I can’t marry Kyler now. It’s way too soon, and Kyler still has so much left to deal with after his father passed away. But I can compromise. That much I can do for him.
~ Kyler ~
Cassey is still asleep when I leave my apartment. It’s a Saturday, but I have a few things to do in the office after my father’s funeral. I left her a note, telling her I’ll be back later. I don’t quite know what got into me last night, and if I’m being totally honest with myself, Cassey’s rejection stung. But after brewing over it for a little while longer I realized that she was right. It is too soon. Our relationship has been nothing but a whirlwind of lust, sex, and a stupid arrangement that flipped my world on its head. What was I thinking proposing to her now?
I’m afraid to admit to her that proposing out of the blue like that was the wrong thing to do, simply because my head is a screwed up place to be right now. I’m mourning the death of the man I idolized, the man I wanted to be when I grew up, and helping my mother grieve the loss of her soul mate and best friend. Needless to say I’m not thinking clearly.
After spending four hours in the office, I check my phone to see that Cassey hasn’t called or texted, and decide to take a walk back to my apartment. The streets bustle as people do their usual Saturday shopping, but I barely notice it. I walk in a haze, thinking about everything and nothing.
When I make it back to my apartment, it’s quiet, until I hear noises coming from my bedroom.
“Cass?” I call out, walking down the hallway.
“In here,” she responds.
I find her standing in my closet, hands on her hips, a proud smile on her face. “What are you doing?” I ask, a light chuckle in my voice. I’m happy to see her, despite my inner turmoil.
“Notice anything different?” she asks, taking the few steps to where I’m standing.
I look around, and then start noticing little things. Her clothes are hanging next to mine, her shoes too, and her perfume bottles line my chest of drawers. I go to the bathroom, and find all her girly face products, body lotions and make-up taking up most of the space on my bathroom counter. “What is all this?” I ask, turning to face her again.
“Well,” she sighs. “I thought about last night, and decided that we could reach a compromise. I want to marry you, and be your partner in every aspect, give myself to in every way, but just not yet. So,” she gestures to everything around us, where all her belongings now take up residence in my home, “this is me giving you what I’m ready for.”
It all clicks, and my mouth turns up into a shit eating grin.
“You moved in.”
“Is that okay?” she asks, suddenly unsure.
I press my lips to hers, and smile against her mouth. She giggles, and I swallow the sound, revel in it, in the way this woman is able to breathe life into me, into my soul.
“It’s more than okay,” I reply. I pull away and look into her beautiful, understanding and compassionate eyes. “Welcome home baby.”
Epilogue
~ Cassey ~ ~ 2 years later ~
I stare at myself in the mirror. My long brown hair is pinned to the side and hangs down past my breasts. My white gold drop earrings shine in the sunlight, reflecting shards of color on every surface. I’m wearing a white dress with a beaded lace bodice and tulle skirt that flares mid-thigh. I feel like a princess.
I turn my head when the door opens and Quinn walks in.
“Cassey,” she whispers, her eyes welling up with tears. “You look perfect.” I smile. “Thank you.”
“We’re almost ready,” she says. “Are you sure you still want me to walk you down the aisle?”
I nod, knowing I wouldn’t want anyone else to do it.
Sure, it’s unconventional, but nothing about my life has been conventional from the day Kyler Knight blew into my life like a tornado.
Quinn smiles and checks her watch. “Okay, girly, time to go.”