The Glades retirement center on Parker Road wasn’t a typical apartment complex. It was a combination of a high-rise nursing home and clustered groups of elegant assisted-living bungalows. There was the requisite golf course, site of an even higher-priced retirement community. There were pools, fountains, and gardens everywhere.
Gran was in the assisted-living cluster … not because she needed that much help but because she wanted to live among women she knew. Ahn Long, Dawna’s bá nôi, or paternal grandmother, lived there, and so did several members of Gran’s church group. Each of the connected single-story townhomes had two bedrooms and a small kitchen. Everything in the apartments could be easily navigated or reached by those using walkers or wheelchairs. Gran’s unit was much smaller than the house she’d lived in for so long, but she seemed happy there. As we walked up the smooth concrete sidewalks that snaked among the greenery, she greeted us with a smile.
“Oh! What beautiful flowers, punkin. Who are they from?”
“Bruno. I think he’s trying to make up.”
Her brows rose and she appraised the flowers again. “As well he should. They’re a start at least. But make sure you let him stew for a few days before you acknowledge them. He needs to know you can’t be bought so easily.”
My jaw dropped. It really did. That was so unlike any advice Gran had ever given me that I was frankly stunned. When boys had given me flowers in school, she’d coo and fuss about their beauty and insist I call immediately to thank the boy.
“That card still gives me tingles,” Emma commented. And I couldn’t disagree. She pulled the small white card from the tall plastic fork buried in the leaves and read it aloud with a dramatic flair, one hand held over her heart: “ ‘Celia, I’m so sorry for everything. I understand now why you were upset. You were right. I was wrong. Is there any way you can forgive me? I’m coming to California and want to see you. Please. Call me. Bruno.’ ” She sighed. “It’s like the next-to-last scene of a romance movie. Yum.”
Yes, there had been little flutters in my heart when I’d read the card and I’d immediately wanted to call him and scream, Yes! Of course I want to see you! Then reality had sunk in.
“It’s not that easy, Em.” I closed my eyes again, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach. Either it was time for another shake or I was just starting to realize the gravity of the problem.
Gran apparently knew what I was feeling. “Emma, honey, life isn’t always like a romance movie. I watched Celia’s whole relationship with that man, just like you. They were engaged, so I watched close. He said all the right things, but his actions spoke different too often. I want to believe that he’s changed. I do, because I truly think he loves her. And this is a good first step. But how long do you honestly believe his understanding will last? That’s what he still needs to prove. That he can accept Celie the way she is.”
Emma’s face crumbled. Dawna reached over and put a hand on mine. “I’m sorry, Celia. I know how much he hurt you.”
That was the crux of the problem. It did hurt. I wanted it to work … desperately. But Bruno was who he was and I couldn’t expect him to change. He was an old-fashioned Italian American who honestly believed in hearth and home. A woman was expected to fill a home with children, laughter, and love. To Bruno, that was a primal thing that was more important than anything else. It was the life he had grown up in and it was what he wanted for himself. I respected that, but that’s not what I see as my role in life. At least not now.
Now I’m about keeping people safe. It’s my business and, more, I’m happy throwing myself into danger. I’m willing to neglect home and hearth when necessary. Those two worldviews don’t mix well. In truth, I wouldn’t want him to change. I know he feels the same about me. Our relationship would always be based on an uneasy truce, no matter how reluctant either of us was to admit it.
“Anyone can change,” Emma said after a long silence. “I truly believe that. If you try hard enough and want it bad enough, you can change.” The words were quiet but impassioned and almost too personal to hear out loud.
She wasn’t just talking about Bruno and we all knew it. The taint of the demonic isn’t easy to escape, and I can’t run from my fangs. The main reason we were going on this trip was as an escape from our own brushes with death and worse.
Gran stepped forward to pull Emma into a hug. “Of course people can change, honey. It just takes time and wanting it bad enough that nothing else is more important. And it takes people supporting you, keeping you on track.” I knew she wasn’t just talking about Bruno anymore, or even Emma. She was talking about all of us but, I suspected, mostly about Mom.
Lord, but we were a messed-up bunch.
“All right,” I said after a long pause, “I’ll call him. I promise. But next week, okay? This is our ‘ladies only’ weekend.”
Emma pulled back from Gran’s arms and beamed at me, while Gran offered me a sad half smile of solidarity. I knew she’d stand behind me, whatever happened. She was the one constant in my life … the only person I could really count on.
Dawna shook her arms, letting out the tension. “So, Emily, how are you liking the tai chi lessons? Bá Nôi says you’re really doing well.”
Huh? Dawna’s grandmother was giving Gran tai chi lessons? She hadn’t mentioned that.
Gran laughed and made a graceful movement of her arm, ending with a flattened palm held toward me. “Oh yes. For several weeks now. It’s really improving my flexibility. Ahn is a wonderful teacher.” She walked past me and started toward the entrance to her apartment. “But we should get those roses out of the sun. Please, come inside.”
I was surprised to see Pili sitting on my grandmother’s couch, holding a cup of tea. Gran didn’t even like tea. There were colorful brochures with pictures of exotic locales scattered all over the table. Dawna clapped her hands in delight. “Oh! You are going away? I know you’re going to have a wonderful time.”
Huh? I didn’t like the feeling that I was completely in the dark. I plastered on a smile and nudged Dawna’s shoulder. “Could you come help me with the roses in the kitchen, please?” She turned, confused, so I gave her one of my patented I need to talk with you. Now. looks.
“Oh! Sure. Yeah, we should probably trim the ends, since they’ve been sitting so long.” Dawna always had been quick on the uptake.
Gran sat down at the table and picked up her cup. “Do sit down, Emma, and have a cup of tea. Celia, the flower snips are in the drawer next to the stove and the trash can is under the sink.”
“So what’s up?” Dawna asked softly as we began to shorten the rose stems under cool running water. “Are you upset about something?”
I let out a little frustrated puff of air and whispered a reply: “I don’t know. I’m trying to figure out what’s going on. I didn’t know about the tai chi and you did. And you seem to know all about the travel brochures. I guess I should be asking what’s up.”
She shrugged. “You’ve been really busy lately and she’s been lonely. Sometimes she calls the office just to chat. I suggested the tai chi lessons to Bá Nôi. Emily needed something to do, since most of the events here aren’t things she enjoys very much. Pili’s been spending time with her and so has Bá Nôi. They’ve all gotten really close in just these few weeks. I think Pili’s probably empathic as well as a seer. She’s been encouraging Emily to plan for the future—not just live in the past.”
I started arranging the trimmed flowers in the vase. “Why hasn’t she told me any of this?”
Dawna sighed and turned around to lean on the counter. “Honestly? You should talk to Pili about it. She knows a lot more than I do. Let me get your gran to show me and Emma the gardens. I’ve actually already seen them, but it’ll take a while.”
Without giving me a chance to reply, she walked back into the living room. “Emily, could you show me and Emma the rose garden? I’m sure Celia and Pili would like a chance to catch up with things on the siren island.”
And just like that, Pili and I were alone. I sat down on the floral tapestry couch cushion Gran had vacated and looked at the small ancient Polynesian woman. “So … Pili. How are you liking retirement?”
She smiled so calmly and gently that my muscles relaxed. “We have no need for small talk, Celia. I know you’re wondering about your grandmother, and that’s understandable. She hasn’t wanted to worry you because she knows you already carry such great burdens of your own. You speak so little of your problems that it makes others reluctant to speak of their troubles with you. Please don’t take that as any sort of criticism. But you must remember that your grandmother has been affected by her minister’s death, the revelation of the death curse, and everything that’s happened to you and to her daughter. And now she’s had to leave the only home she’s known as an adult. She’s needed time to adjust. Time to find a new way of living, just as you have.”
My face felt hot and my stomach was roiling. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t put all that together before. My poor gran!
“I don’t know what to say. Do you think I should cancel my trip and spend some time with her?”
Another soft smile as Pili touched my hand. “Not at all. You need time to heal as well, just as Emily does. I’ve become a bit concerned that she’s attached to Ahn and me so completely in such a short time, which is why I suggested she explore herself a little more … meet new people, do things she’s never done before. She’s very healthy and may outlive many of her peers. To balance the continued loss of friends and family, she needs new friends and new experiences.” A quick pat of her fingers didn’t make me feel much better. “Please don’t worry. I’m working very hard to get her to a place where she’s not spending all her time worrying about you and Lana. To keep her heart light, we must make her mind and hands busy.”