"So, who was with you today?"
"Kye. He saved my ass."
"And then you had sex." It wasn't a question. He could no doubt smell him all over me.
"Yes."
"Do you think that was wise?"
I snorted softly. "Brother, you have no idea just how unwise that little event was."
My voice broke in the middle of it, and Rhoan wrapped an arm around my shoulder, hugging me close. It felt so safe and warm-like everything would be okay, no matter how bad things got. Which is everything I should have felt with my soul mate, and everything I didn't.
"Tell me," he said softly.
I took a deep, shuddering breath, then said, "Kye is my soul mate."
For several seconds, he didn't react, but I felt his surprise as sharply as if it was my own. Then it burst out of him. "What? Are you sure?"
I laughed, but it was a harsh, almost crazy sound. I gulped back the anguish and rubbed my free hand over my eyes. They still ached, though the tears had yet to come. "As sure as you are that Liander is yours."
"Fuck."
"To put it mildly."
"But..." He paused, as if to gather scattered thoughts. "How can your soul mate be someone you don't actually like?" He glanced at me. "Or do you? Like him, that is?"
"He's the last man on this earth I would ever want to be linked with." Although I guess he was better than someone like Gautier, the rogue guardian who'd hated me as much as I'd hated him. At least he was dead and out of the picture. Hell, the way fate loved playing with my life, I'm surprised she didn't pick him as the one.
"Then how the hell can he be your soul mate?"
"It's not like anyone has ever tried to sit down and examine the rule of soul mates. It just is."
"But I've never heard of anyone actively disliking her soul mate. Surely there has to be some sort of connection between you both that attracts?"
Another bitter, edgy laugh escaped. "Oh, there's plenty of attraction."
So much so that I very much doubted that Kye would actually stay away for long. He couldn't, not if he was feeling what I was feeling-a cold emptiness that seemed to clutch at the heart and make it ache. Make me ache.
"I didn't mean physical attraction-that's obvious. I meant you've got to have a lot more in common than just physical attraction."
I took a drink of coffee and looked up at him. "And where in the rule book does it say that?"
He frowned. "Well, it only makes sense, doesn't it? Why else would the bond be a lifetime one? There has to be at least some common ground between the two parties involved."
"There's lots of cultures around the world that still believe in arranged marriages, Rhoan. In such situations, the families pick the mates, and often it's without input from either person." I paused for more coffee. "And a lot of the time, it's done purely for social or economic gains for the family."
"That's different."
"No, it's not, because either way the participants have no choice, whether the decision is being made by the parents, or by the moon and fate."
"Damn it, it's wrong. He's a killer-a cold-blooded killer. He can't be your soul mate!"
I smiled, and again it was bitter. "We're both killers, Rhoan."
"But we kill for the right reasons. We don't hire ourselves out to the highest bidder."
No, but we still killed, and innocent people sometimes did get hurt because of our actions, and maybe that was our meeting place. The one thing Kye and I had in common.
I rubbed my eyes again. "None of this really matters, Rhoan. It is what it is, and now we have to deal with it."
"How did Kye deal with it?"
"About as well as me. He doesn't want it any more than I do."
"So where is he?"
"I have no idea." And despite the coldness deep within, I didn't really care. I didn't want to care. Not about him, not ever. "He's probably off somewhere shooting someone in frustration, for all I know."
"If he did, we could hunt him down and-"
"And what?" I interrupted. "Kill him? You know the lore, Rhoan. Kill him, and you kill me."
He gave me a glance. "Ben didn't die when his soul mate died."
"But he wanted to. It was only his sister who kept him alive."
"And you think I wouldn't do the same for you?"
I placed a hand on his knee and squeezed lightly. "I know you would. But I don't ever want to face that decision or that situation. It's better if he's alive and out there somewhere."
Just not in my face. Or in my life.
But would fate let things go on like that? I had a bad feeling the answer would be no.
He blew out a breath and took another sip of his coffee. "So what do we do?"
"Right now?"
"Right now, and later on."
"Well, the first thing I need to do is go talk to Quinn."
"Oh, fuck."
"Yeah," I said, keeping my voice even though everything inside seemed to hurt. Or everything that wasn't half frozen, at least.
"What the hell are you going to say to him?"
I snorted softly. "Why do you think I've been sitting out here for the last two hours?"
"You've got to tell him. You owe him that."
"But he doesn't deserve this." Neither of us deserved it. Not when everything was finally starting to fall into place between us.
He hugged me harder and for several minutes, we didn't say anything. Just sat there contemplating the evilness of the universe. Or at least, that's what I was contemplating.
I drained the remainder of my coffee, then said, "There is one tiny spark of hope."
"Of what?"
"Of me and Quinn not being totally over."
Rhoan snorted. "You may not want Kye as a soul mate, and he may not want you, but trust me, he's not going to be interested in sharing, either."
"Quinn's old enough and powerful enough to take care of himself, even against the likes of Kye." Hell, Quinn had once been a professional killer himself, and for far longer than Kye had been. "Besides, Liander shares you."
"Liander is an amazingly patient and loving person. I get the feeling Kye will be neither of those." Rhoan drained his own cup, then plucked mine from my fingers and tossed both into the nearby trash can. "Besides, what makes you think that Quinn will want to share you with your soul mate, knowing that at any moment he could lose you? You ask a lot of him."
"But what if he's my soul mate, too?"
Rhoan looked at me like I was crazy. "What are you talking about?"
I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "Dia once asked me if a wolf with two souls can have just the one soul mate. What if she's right? What if both men are meant to be in my life?"
"I think you're asking for a whole lot of trouble even contemplating that."
"It's not like I actually want both men."
"No, but you're a wolf in all but blood. That means one soul mate, not two."
"So, I can't have two soul mates," I retorted, pulling away from his arm, "but it's okay for you to have a soul mate and play around?"
"It's different, sis."
"No, it's not."
"Liander won't be driven to kill because he knows, without a doubt, that he is the only one that means something to me. There's no shared emotion with anyone else. No danger that I will ever want to stay with anyone else." He touched my chin gently and made me look at him. "How can you possibly promise that to Quinn when your wolf soul mate is out there? When we all know just how desperate you are to have children, and that's the one thing that Kye can give you and Quinn can't?"
"I'm never going to have kids, Rhoan-"
"Maybe you can't carry them, but you have viable eggs frozen and there are always surrogates. Kye gives you an option. Quinn doesn't."
"I know, but-"
"No. You have to consider these things now, before you make any decisions you'll regret."
I stared at him for a moment. "You want Kye in the family?"
He snorted. "God no. I just want you to be fully aware of all the implications before you make any lifetime decisions."
"Kye isn't a lifetime decision." He was a problem I might never get around.
"Realistically, he's more lifetime than Quinn right now. He's your soul mate. How can you promise anything to Quinn when Kye is out there?"
"I can't, but-"
"You cant," he cut in. "So you're left with the possibility of two men who won't share, one of whom who has already proven he will go to great lengths to make you his."
I jerked away from his touch again and thrust to my feet, taking several steps away from him before I stopped. I breathed deep, but it still didn't do anything to ease the turmoil within me.
"This might be all a moot point anyway," I said eventually, "because I might not be like you. I might not even want anyone else now that my wolf has found her soul mate."
Hell, Ben had been like that. He might take other lovers now, but certainly not when his soul mate was alive. And with the games fate was playing, it'd be my luck to be more like Ben than my brother-and the result would be the loss of a man I really wanted over one I didn't.
"Then this arguing is pointless. You need to uncover all the facts before you worry about the consequences."
I closed my eyes. It was a moment, a discovery, I really didn't want to make. Because once I knew, I would face the hardest decision of all.
"It's only going to get harder the longer you leave it, sis," Rhoan said softly. "Just do it. Now. Then you'll know, one way or the other."
"Okay, okay." There really was no point in putting it off any longer, and sitting here stewing over it certainly hadn't gotten me any closer to a solution. He was right. It was better to know than to worry over what might or might not be. I turned around and held out my hand. "I need your keys."
He reached into his pocket, then tossed the keys to me. "You don't want company?"
I smiled, though it was a pale shadow of its usual self. "I think this is something I'd better do alone."
"Be careful then, won't you?"
"Quinn's not going to hurt me."
"I meant, be careful driving. I don't think you're in the best frame of mind for concentrating on the roads."
This time, my smile was warmer. "I won't dent your car, bro. I promise."
He snorted. "I'm more worried about you denting yourself."
"I won't do that, either."
"Good. Then get."
I got, but with a whole lot of reluctance.
I went home to shower and change first. Luckily for me, Liander wasn't there, because the last thing I needed was to go through the whole explaining thing again. I just wanted to get over to Quinn's, discover what I had to discover, and then make any decisions I had to make.
It was still very early in the morning, so the traffic hadn't yet reached its peak. I parked in the Langham hotel's underground lot, then made my way up to Quinn's suite.
One there, I dug the key card out of my wallet and swiped it through the slot. The lock clicked and I pushed the door open. The suite was dark, but I could hear the soft timbre of breathing coming from the bedroom. I doubted he'd be asleep. Not now that I was in the room. The beat of my heart was a cadence that would have woken him immediately.
I took a deep breath, trying to ease the tension that was rolling though my body. It didn't help-nothing would. Not until I had my answers. I forced my feet forward, stripping down as I went, scattering shoes and clothes haphazardly across the lush carpet.
He reached for me the minute I slipped in beside him. Every muscle was so tightly wound that his caress felt like a blow. I shuddered a little and tried to relax. But how could I do that when what happened in the next few minutes might be the end of a relationship that had barely begun to blossom?
"You're later than I thought you might be," he said, kissing my cheek, my neck, my shoulder. "Were there problems with the job?"
"Let's just say there were some discoveries made that have caused monumental problems."
I ran my fingers down his cheek and lightly across his lips. He kissed each fingertip gently. And again, it felt like a blow.
"You're very tense," he commented, his dark eyes on mine. "Would you like me to draw you a scented bath?"
"No." Because how on earth could I relax until I knew? "I'd much rather be kissed senseless until everything else just slips away."
Please let it all slip away.
Please let it be like its always been.
"That I can also do." A smile curved his lips as he gathered me in his arms.
For the briefest of moments, something within me fought his touch. Fought him. And the fear surged.
No, I thought. No.
Then his lips were on mine, and I forced myself to relax. Thrust away the fear, and concentrated instead on the kiss, on his scent, on the heat of his body pressing so close to mine.
The tension within seemed to ease a little, and while the ice didn't melt, I didn't have any immediate urge to reject him, either.
But was I supposed to have such an urge?
Ben had never really explained the finer points of sex once he'd met his soul mate. All he'd said was that he simply didn't want another partner when she was alive.