“Do whatever your heart tells you to do, Jim. But I’m not ever coming back. I’ll check the classifieds in the Times newspaper on the first Monday of every month…if you ever need me…if you ever want anything…leave me a message under the name Lilly Blu,” she said.
“I don’t need you for anything, Pen…after all, you’re dead,” I shouted. At once I regretted what I had said, but once those words had escaped my lips, I couldn’t pull them back. They just tossed, floated and got lost amongst the falling snow.
We looked at each other one last time and then she turned away, disappearing into the snowfall, the only sign she had ever been there, was her footprints in the snow. I turned and made my own as I headed slowly away in the opposite direction.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Murphy
I walked all night. I couldn’t go home. I was in shock. I knew what I had to do but didn’t know if I could do it. Could I give up Pen? If I didn’t, could I live with myself, knowing that I let an innocent man die?
I felt like screaming until my soul exploded. What had I ever done to deserve to be put in such a situation? I would have given my own life to be free of this burden.
I thought of Pen and all the misery Marc had put her through, and although I hated him for that, I still couldn’t find in any part of my being a voice that said he should pay for that with his life.
I had been in law enforcement long enough to know what happened before and during the beheading. I knew by now, Marc would have been moved from his cell. He would be on constant suicide watch, his only visitors Vampyrus prison guards, and a Black Coat – perhaps my brother – who would ask to pray with him. I looked at my watch and realised that in a matter of hours, Marc would be given the opportunity to choose his last meal. What would he chose? I wondered.
An hour before his execution, Marc would be woken. His legs and arms would then be manacled and he would be walked slowly to the block.
As these thoughts twisted inside my head, I lurched forward and vomited violently into the curb. Sick swung from my mouth in long, ropey streams and I wiped it away with my sleeve. I continued to walk for hours in the falling snow.
Around and around in circles, with no direction, lost inside myself. I desperately felt the urge to share my burden, to share it with someone else, to give it to them – dump it on them and let them make the decision for me – then I could blame them – whatever the outcome – it would be their fault, not mine.
But in my heart, I knew it was my burden, and however heavy and painful, I had to carry it on my own. What was I to do? If I told Rom or the Elders about what Pen had done, she would be hunted down by them. She would face jail deep in The Hollows and I knew that would kill her. But if I said nothing and the truth were ever discovered – I too would be imprisoned or worse. I had already been warned by the Elders and Rom about any feelings I might have for Pen. If they discovered we shared such a dark secret, then I too would be executed. So my dilemma, save Marc and condemn Pen, or say nothing, sending Marc to the block and as a result of my silence, destroy myself.
I looked at my watch and knew I had only a few hours to save Marc or destroy Pen. The urge to share the agony of my nightmare was overwhelming, but who could I share my burden with, without destroying them also? Who could I trust to never say a word, whatever my decision?
Who could I tell who would sit and listen and not judge me?
I then heard Pen, whispering inside my head, There’s no place like home! There’s no place like home!
So that’s what I did, I went home, to the place where I was first given life, to the arms that first cradled me as I took my first breaths of life. I went home to my mum.
Her room, in the temple where she was being cared for, was small and smelt of peppermint and urine. I walked silently over to where she was seated, motionless and grey, staring blankly at the wall.
I kissed her cheek gently and said, “Hello, Mother.”
She didn’t respond, not even her eyelids flickered. It was as if I wasn’t there. I hunkered down at her feet, took hold of her hand, pressed it against my cheek, and began to sob. It was the first time I could recall ever truly needing my mum. The need for her love and understanding now was so great and overwhelming, I thought it would crush me.
As I sat there, her hand held in mine, I told her everything. I told her the story of my life, which she had missed so much of. I told her about my love for Pen, of everything we had been through together and the terrifying decision I was now faced with. All the while, she did not so much as flinch. Even as I cried and struggled to find the right words, she sat and stared blankly at the wall, her eyes wide open and her mouth ajar.
I looked at my watch and knew by now Marc would be eating his last meal.
“What should I do, mum?” I implored her.
“Mum, help me!”
She remained silent, a small silver stream of drool sneaking from the corner of her mouth.
I pressed myself against her brittle legs and I ran her hand through my hair, pretending that she was gently soothing my pain away.
“Please tell me you’ll love me, mum, whatever decision I make,” I whispered.
Again she remained silent, locked in her own pain and loss.
I glanced at my watch again and knew Marc would now be dressed in a diaper and having his legs and wrists chained.
“Help me, mum,” I sobbed, a deep well of anger now growing inside me for Pen. How could she have put me in this position? But hadn’t I put myself in it? I had been warned about the Lycanthrope. I had been told that they were never to be trusted. I had promised I would never mix with a wolf.
In my mind’s eye, I could see the observation tower filling up with those Vampyrus who liked to watch a good beheading of a wolf. I knew Rom would be there, jostling and shoving himself forward, so as to guarantee himself a front row seat.
“Please, mum, what should I do?’” I beseeched her.
Silence.
I could see Marc being slowly and methodically strapped in place over the block.
Then once fully secured, being asked by the Vampyrus official if he would like to make a statement.
“Mum, I can’t breathe!” I cried.
Silence.
By now they would be placing the black hood over Marc’s head. The Vampyrus official would look once over at the Elders to see if a last-minute stay of execution would be issued.
“Mum…” I whispered, closing my eyes, knowing that by now the axe would be slicing through Marc’s neck.
Silence.
I continued to sit at my mum’s feet in a trance-like state, until I was dragged from it by a sound. It was faint but indisputable. I turned towards the noise to discover it was the sound of my mother gently sobbing.
“Mum, what have I done…?” I asked her.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Kiera
Murphy sat across the room from me, his dead brother – my father – at his feet. I looked up and out of the window. The snow had stopped at last, and the sky had started to lighten in the distance. Dawn was only about an hour away.
Murphy had been talking most of the night, as Potter and I sat and listened in silence. Potter sat on the opposite side of the room from me. In the light of the lamp, I could see that, although he still looked battered and bruised, the dark purple and black bruises which covered his face had paled to a dark green and sickly yellow. He sat forward in his seat and lit a cigarette. He blew smoke from his nostrils like a dragon. I looked away and back at Murphy. I was still angry at Potter. He had hurt me and still had a lot of explaining to do – but I wasn’t yet ready to listen.
“Did you ever see her again?” I asked Murphy.
“Huh?” he said, looking up at me.
“Pen, did you see her again?”
“No,” Murphy said with a gentle shake of his head. “But I did hear one last time from her.”
“When?” Potter asked, flicking ash on the floor.
“About seven or eight weeks later,”
Murphy said, running his thick fingers through his unruly white hair. “I woke one morning to the sound of crying. It was soft, kinda muffled. I climbed out of bed in search of where it was coming from. It was still dark outside, but I followed the sound of the crying to my backdoor.
Outside was a cardboard box, and the noise of the crying was coming from inside. Quickly, I took the box into my kitchen where it was warm. I opened it up, and to my shock, I found two babies. Both were no older than just a few weeks. They were wrapped together in one thick blanket. Placed on top of the blanket was an envelope, and across the front was written my name. With a pair of trembling hands, I tore it open. Then, almost falling onto one of the kitchen chairs, I read what was written on the sheet of paper tucked inside. It read:
Dear Jim, Please find help for our twin daughters. They are both very weak and sick.
I’m so sorry to do this to you. Please let me know that they are okay by leaving a message like we agreed.
Forever in my heart – Pen. ”
Murphy stopped talking and lent forward in his seat. He looked older and tired.
“Meren and Nessa?” Potter said. “Your daughters are...”
“Like me,” I whispered, looking opened-mouthed at Murphy.
“Yes,” he nodded without looking up at me. “I took the two little baby girls from the box and held them in my arms, knowing they had been conceived in the forest the night Pen had come back. I knew that Vampyrus and Lycanthrope gestate for only six to eight weeks, and looking at the two babies in my arms, I knew that the timeframe was correct. Pen had been right, both our daughters were very sick. Their cries were weak, no more than gentle mewing. Their skin was so pale it was almost translucent. At first I didn’t know what to do. Who did I turn to for help without giving up my secret that I had mixed with a wolf, and that the two babies were a result of that union? It was forbidden, remember. I couldn’t bring them up. I didn’t know how to make them well, and even if I did, how did I explain away the fact I was suddenly the father of two daughters?
The Elders had said they would be watching me.