But he could not fault her for shunning his company. Whatever blame there was lay in him, not her.
Shannah wandered through the city, the ache in her belly spreading, burning through every nerve in her body like liquid flame. She had never felt such agonizing pain before. It was like her blood was on fire, as if her bones were melting. She needed to feed, and soon, she thought, before the pain consumed her and there was nothing left of her at all.
She didn’t want to feed off of humans. She didn’t want to consume blood to survive. Perhaps, if she resisted, the pain would go away. Ah, foolish hope. Even as it crossed her mind, the hunger clawed at her insides. Her body screamed with agony until she couldn’t bear it any longer. She needed nourishment, and she needed it now.
Glancing around, she saw that she had traveled far from the city. Instead of houses and shops, she was surrounded by hayfields and pasturelands. Farmhouses and barns and corrals lined both sides of the road.
It scared her that she had no memory of how she had gotten there.
She moved toward the nearest pasture, drawn by the scent of blood. Several dark shapes were clustered together in the middle of the field. They lifted their heads as she drew near, their ears twitching, their nostrils flaring.
She called one to her, waited while a small brown horse trotted toward her. Slipping between the fence rails, Shannah put her arm around the horse’s neck.
“I can do this,” she said, and with tears of pain and revulsion coursing down her cheeks, she bit into the horse’s jugular and satisfied her hunger. The horse didn’t seem to mind. Oddly enough, neither did she.
With the hunger assuaged, she felt content, almost joyful. Quiet power thrummed through her veins. She had never felt better in her life.
Later, at a loss as to what to do to fill the long, lonely hours until dawn, she tried to transport herself across the road, but no matter how hard she concentrated or thought about what she wanted to do, nothing happened. How had Ronan managed it? Maybe zapping from one place to another was something only older vampires could achieve.
Walking back toward the city where she had spent the previous night, it occurred to her that she had no cash and no credit cards. She needed her wallet and a change of clothes. And a shower, she thought, wrinkling her nose. And then she laughed. Of course she smelled. She had been in these same clothes since she died. How long ago had it been? Two nights? Three? She couldn’t seem to think straight.
She had almost reached the warehouse when she heard Ronan’s voice whisper through her mind.
Shannah, my love, please come home.
The sound of his voice brought hot tears to her eyes. Ronan. In spite of what he had done, she missed him dreadfully. But she couldn’t forget how he had betrayed her trust. She could never, ever forgive him for what he had done.
Shannah, are you all right?
She was back in the city now, her senses again flooded with sights and sounds and the scents of those around her. How did Ronan keep from going mad with so much sensory input screaming in his mind?
With a little practice, you can block it all out, love.
She refused to answer. Doing her best to ignore him, she gazed in the shop windows as she passed by, admiring a pretty blue sweater, a black velvet dress, a pair of silver high heels. She felt a sudden lurch in the pit of her stomach when she realized she cast no reflection in the glass. Sickened by the reminder of what she had become, she turned her face away from the shop windows.
Shannah? Answer me, dammit!
She pressed her hands over her ears.Get out of my head!
His soft laughter filled her mind.Come home, Shannah, let me help you.
Home…the very word spoke of solace and belonging. Clinging to her anger, she thrust the thought from her mind.You’ve done enough, thank you very much! Now go away and leave me alone!
I miss you.
Just three small words, but they were filled with love and longing. She swallowed past the lump rising in her throat, then shook her head defiantly. She would not be swayed by the soft yearning in his voice or by the sadness in his words. She had trusted him with her heart and soul, with her very life, and he had betrayed her.
I can feel your confusion, love. Please come home. Let me answer your questions. Let me help you learn how to use and control the powers that are now yours.
It was tempting, oh, so tempting. To see him again, to be in his arms and see his smile, taste his kisses…No! With a resolute shake of her head, she continued on down the street. If, as he said, she could block out unwanted sights and sounds, then she could shut him out, too!
You’ll have to come back sooner or later,he said, his voice quiet in her mind.Your belongings are here.
Drat the man! He was right.
And you belong here, with me.
No, but I do need to come back toyourhouse to gather my things. She emphasized “your.”If you care for me at all, you won’t be there when I return.
She felt the pain her words caused him as if it were her own. In her mind’s eye, she could see him standing in front of the fireplace in the living room, his hands braced against the mantel, his head bowed, his eyes dark with anguish and regret. She hardened her heart against him, refusing to feel pity or sorrow. He had stolen her mortality, stolen the sun’s light from her, turned her into an inhuman monster condemned to exist by partaking of the blood of living beings. She ignored the voice in her head that reminded her that she hadn’t wanted to die, that she had gone to his house hoping to find a vampire who could give her immortality. And now she had it.Be careful what you ask for , her mother had always said,lest you get it . Well, she had asked for it, but she had never expected to find it, nor had she truly wanted to be a vampire. If she was lucky, she might exist for hundreds of years, as Ronan and some of his friends had, but no matter how long she existed, she would die anew each time the sun went down.
It was a frightening thing, tumbling uncontrollably into that abyss that was darker than dark.
Last night, hiding in the creaky bowels of the deserted warehouse, she had sensed the blackness creeping up on her, felt herself being dragged down into oblivion. She had fought against it but to no avail. She had told herself there was nothing to fear, that it was normal for her now, but she couldn’t stave off the panic that had swept over her as she felt herself sinking into a pool of darkness as deep and wide as eternity. Trapped in oblivion, she had felt nothing at all until the sun went down and she woke from a long and dreamless sleep.
Shannah…
I’d like to come for my things tonight, if that’s convenient for you.
Very well, love.
Love. The word slipped past her defenses and arrowed straight into her heart. She remembered the night she had asked him if she was truly his love. “Do you doubt it?” he had asked, and when she reminded him that he had never said it, he had replied, “No, I never have. I’ve never said it to any woman, but I love you, Shannah, more than you can imagine.”
She thrust the memory away. If he had truly loved her, he would have respected her wishes.
I’ll be gone when you get here. Stay the night, if you wish.
Where will you spend the night?
Don’t worry about me, I’ll find a place.
Thank you.
There was a long silence and then his voice whispered ever so softly and sweetly through her mind again.I love you .
Chapter Thirty
Ronan’s house was empty, as he had promised, when Shannah arrived later that night. She stood in the middle of the living room, her mind filling with memories of Ronan. His scent was here, so strong in her nostrils that she glanced over her shoulder to see if he had suddenly appeared in the room.
She looked around, somehow expecting to find the house to be as changed as she was. Had it only been two nights ago that her entire life had turned upside down? It seemed an eternity had passed since then. When she had first come here, she had been deathly ill, weak, and afraid. Now, only a few short months later, she was healthy and whole, with the strength of ten mortal women, but she was still afraid. Afraid of what she had become, afraid of the future.
How was she to survive? Where would she live? Eternity stretched before her, filled with eons of loneliness and separation from the rest of mankind. Why would anyone want such an existence?
Knowing she couldn’t stay here, she wandered through the house, remembering how she had come here that first day, looking for a vampire. Well, not only had she found one, she had become one! She wondered again what her parents would think if they knew. Would they still love her, or would they turn away from her in horror and revulsion? And what of Judy and her other friends back home? Would they notice the difference in her? If she hadn’t seen the proof with her own eyes, she would never have guessed that Ronan was a vampire, although now that she knew what he was, it seemed obvious in so many ways.
Climbing the stairs, she went into the bedroom. Pulling her underwear from the dresser, she piled it on top of the bed, thinking that all the beautiful clothing and nightgowns that Ronan had bought for her would never fit in the one suitcase that she owned.
She paused in the act of folding one of her nightgowns. She had no right to take the things he had bought for her…she was no longer pretending to be Eva Black, no longer living under his roof, no longer in his employ. Nothing in the house belonged to her. Even the suitcase she had taken from the closet was his.
Everything is yours, love. I bought it all for you.She heard his voice in her mind, saw him smile wistfully as he added,Anyway, the dresses aren’t my size.
His wry comment made her smile and then, suddenly, she was crying. Sinking down on the bed, she cried for the life she had lost, cried because the man she loved had betrayed her trust and thrust her into a new world that was strange and scary. She cried because she would never marry and have children and grandchildren, never be able to go to the beach and work on her tan. She would never be able to sit and enjoy a Thanksgiving dinner with her family again, or open presents on Christmas morning. Never drink hot chocolate on a cold winter night, never again eat ice cream or drink a thick chocolate malt, or gobble down a double cheeseburger and fries. She refused to listen to the small voice of her conscience that reminded her that in a week or a month, death would have put an end to those things as surely as did her new lifestyle.