Had she been reckless in making the reassurances and declarations she'd made, in giving him hope?
She cringed at the thought. He'd lived his life in a certain way because that was how he could bear it. She had no business mixing things up, making him vulnerable.
And yet, they deserved to fight for what they felt, didn't they?
Taking a deep breath, Allie started her car and continued home. She couldn't change anything now. She cared too much about him to even try.
Once she arrived, she crept into her room and into bed. Whitney occasionally spent the night in Evelyn's room, but tonight she slept in Allie's bed.
Allie was glad to have her there. She needed to hold her daughter close. Gathering Whitney's small body into the curve of hers, Allie kissed her temple.
"I love you," she whispered and prayed she was making the right decision about including Whitney in her relationship with Clay.
Chapter 21
Allie could hear her father's voice in the kitchen.
"No. Please, tell me he's not here!" She groaned and rolled onto her stomach to bury her head beneath the pillow. But she could still hear the argument between her parents and knew she had to get up and play referee or there was no telling what kind of scene her daughter might witness. Whitney had to be out there. She wasn't in bed.
Allie put on her robe and marched into the kitchen. Her mother stood against the counter in her own robe, arms folded stubbornly across her chest. Her father faced her mother, wearing his police uniform. According to Grace, the town had given Dale his termination papers, so he wouldn't be wearing the uniform much longer.
Allie wondered what he was going to do then and almost felt sorry for him. Some people can't avoid a brick wall even when they see it coming.... She agreed, and yet she found it difficult to forgive Dale. Maybe it was because he'd always set himself up as an example, so when he made a mistake it was more shocking than if someone else had. Especially a mistake of this magnitude.
"Is there any chance I could persuade the two of you to take a drive together?" she asked, nodding meaningfully toward Whitney, who was sitting at the kitchen table downing a bowl of cold cereal while staring up at them with wide eyes.
"Don't leave," Whitney said. "I want to hear."
Allie raised her eyebrows at her mother.
"There's no need," Evelyn said. "Your father was on his way out."
"No, I wasn't," he retorted. "I just got here."
Evelyn stiffened. "I want you to go."
Dale sighed heavily. "You have to talk to me sometime, Evelyn. Whether you like it or not, you're still my wife."
"Not for long."
He looked crestfallen at the vehemence of her response. "Please...I--I know I deserve the way you feel about me, but at least hear me out."
Allie hated to see her father, who'd always been so confident, humbled to such a degree.
But he'd brought it on himself. There was nothing she could do to help him. Right now she didn't even want to help him. Or maybe she did. It was all so confusing.
"What's there to say?" Evelyn asked.
"I'm sorry. I've been trying to tell you that since--" he glanced nervously at Whitney
"--since you found out. But you wouldn't let me."
"You think that's enough?" Evelyn marveled. "I'm sorry? "
For the first time, the expression on her face revealed how truly devastated she was. "We had forty years together, Dale. Forty years you threw away for--"
"Mom!" Allie interrupted, afraid of the word she might choose to finish that sentence.
"Can't you at least step outside? If nothing else, you can talk about the division of property."
"I'll get half of everything," her mother said. "I've been a loyal wife since the day I married him."
"I made a mistake," he said miserably.
Evelyn clamped her shaking hands together. "Are you telling me--" she hesitated "--you saw her only once?"
Dale didn't respond.
"No, of course not." The emotional strain was taking its toll, and Evelyn was beginning to break down. While Allie thought that was probably good--her mother needed to deal with her grief instead of denying it--Allie really didn't want this happening in front of her daughter. It could make an indelible--and damaging--impression.
"Never mind, Whitney and I will go for a drive," she said.
Evelyn held up a hand to stop her. "No, your father's the one who has to go."
"But Grandpa's sorry," Whitney said. "Can't he stay, Boppo? Can't you make him breakfast like before?"
Evelyn didn't answer. She was too busy staring at her husband. "You must care about her,"
she whispered. "I can't believe you'd do what you did to me unless you cared about her."
His gaze fell to the floor. "I do care. I won't lie about that. But I care a lot more about you."
Silence filled the room as tears began to slip down Evelyn's cheeks.
Allie felt more torn and confused than ever, but she reached out to console her mother.
Evelyn resisted her touch and managed to blink away her tears. "Then why?" she asked Dale. "Why did you do it?"
He hung his head. "I--I'm getting old and falling apart. I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to diet and check my blood pressure and see myself in the mirror as I really am, to acknowledge that I've lost more hair and gained more weight. Irene made me forget all that. She fed me cheesecake and wine and...and I felt like a younger, stronger version of myself. I know that's not much of an answer. It doesn't really make sense to me, either. But it's all I can come up with."
"You look good to me, Grandpa," Whitney said.
He smiled sadly at her.
"I don't know what to say," Evelyn replied. "I don't know how I feel or if we can get over this."
"Will you at least try?" he asked earnestly.
Allie knew that, in a town the size of Stillwater, the embarrassment alone had to be overwhelming. And that was only one of the emotions her mother must be feeling.
"I'll think about it," Evelyn said. "That's all I can promise."
"Thank you," he said. "Would you come home?"
Evelyn shook her head, and he backed off right away. "Just think about it."
"She will," Allie said. "And now you should go."
He started for the door. Allie followed to let him out. She wasn't sure how she felt toward her father, but she knew there was love for him inside her somewhere. It was just mixed up with everything else.