Clay lay suspended between what he knew he should do and what he wanted to do. He had to warn her at least. There was a condom in his wallet from the box he'd bought at the gas station.
But if they made love, he didn't want her to be sorry about it later, didn't want to feel responsible for her regret.
"Allie?"
"What?"
"I--" Her ni**les grazed his chest again, causing a reaction powerful enough to silence him.
His determination to restrain himself kept him from reaching out, from taking what she offered.
But he couldn't push her away. Especially since she seemed a bit tentative, as if she imagined he might not be interested.
"Can you go back to sleep?" she asked.
Not a chance. "No."
"Am I...disturbing you?"
"Hell, no."
She seemed relieved, but that didn't help his situation. He couldn't think of anything except the softness of her skin. He wanted to bend his head and take one nipple in his mouth while his hands wandered elsewhere, eliciting the responses he craved from her...
Don't think about it. He didn't want her to be ostracized later just because she'd been with him.
But he couldn't help thinking about it. Remove her hand. The command came with authority, but the pleasure of her touch was too intense. And then her tongue slid invitingly over his bottom lip and every cell in his body rose up against him. He longed to move decisively, aggressively. To roll her onto her back and kiss her as he buried himself inside her--and to forget all the reasons he shouldn't. But he merely parted his lips and met the tip of her tongue with his.
She made a sound that told him she liked it and arched into him. What they were doing couldn't possibly be good for her, though. He wasn't husband or father material. And she had a child.
"Clay?" she said. The quaver in her voice meant that his earlier response hadn't completely squelched her insecurities.
He didn't answer. If he explained what he knew to be true, he'd have to act on it. But he wasn't sure how long he could hover between yes and no.
Finally, he pulled away.
He could sense her embarrassment and confusion. He hated that, but what could he do?
Rejecting her advances was the lesser of two evils. Especially since it would encourage her to keep her distance from him in the future.
They lay in silence for minutes that felt like hours.
"I'm sorry," she said at last. "I know you're in a lot of pain."
He was too aroused to care about the wound in his arm. He'd have to be unconscious not to want her. "It's not the pain."
She didn't say anything.
"I don't want the people you know and love to look at you the way they look at me," he explained, because he couldn't take her thinking that she'd made a fool of herself by approaching him.
His heart beat several times before she responded. "You've slept with other women in Stillwater."
"No one like you."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You're different. You know that. You're a cop, one of them."
"I'm also a woman."
"Expectations are different for you."
"So you're doing me a favor?"
"I'm trying."
There was a slight pause. Then she said, "I'm not sure I'm able to appreciate that right now.
When you were shot, I--" She didn't finish, but he could hear the huskiness in her voice, the worry and concern. The shooting had really shaken her, made her want to reassure herself in the most primitive way possible.
He let go of a long breath. "It's not easy for me to say no," he admitted. "It's...harder than you know."
Her finger began tracing a line through his pectorals and down his stomach. "How hard?"
He guessed she wasn't talking about the difficulty of the situation. "Hard enough," he told her gruffly, but he didn't move. He held perfectly still.
"Maybe I should decide about that." Her finger had reached his navel. She was moving slowly, giving him plenty of time to stop her. But he didn't. He couldn't wait until she touched him.
His heartbeat radiated throughout his entire body as she drew closer and closer--and then her hand curled tightly around him, and he knew trying to resist would be hopeless.
With his good arm, he brought her into full contact with him. "You're making a mistake,"
he said, taking her mouth in a harsh, hungry kiss.
"Good thing you're worth it," she said and buried her face in his neck as he used his hand to make her tremble.
Chapter 13
It'd been more than a year since Allie had made love. She missed the physical intimacy of having a man in her life. But being with Clay was nothing like what she'd experienced in the past.
Clay's lovemaking was full of an urgency she'd never known, as if it wasn't enough for him to claim her body--he wanted her soul. The crazy thing was, she knew better than to give it to him, yet she did so eagerly. With every kiss, with every touch, with every thrust of his hips, she gave up a little more of herself. He was alive, and somehow that was all that mattered in this cloistered cabin.
The rest of the world could not intrude.
She was making a mistake, she dimly realized. She was letting him spoil her for anyone else. But she was too caught up to care. With one hand he angled her hips so she could take more of him.
Euphoria, combined with raw, desperate need, caused every muscle to quiver. Allie moaned as Clay's mouth closed over her breast, suckling her just hard enough. He knew how to amplify every sensation, how to take it to the extreme.
"What are you feeling?" he murmured, his voice ragged, breathless, as he kissed her mouth, her ear, her neck.
"You. I feel you. You're in me, around me, everywhere."
"Then let go. Give me what I want, okay? Trust me."
Worry lingered in some distant corner of her mind. "Be careful of your wound," she said.
But he didn't act as if he had an injury. Pinning her hands over her head, he nuzzled her neck. Then his mouth trailed back down to her br**sts.
Allie had never felt so alive, so hyperaware of another human being. As the rhythm intensified, she was no longer sure where Clay's body stopped and hers started, and she didn't care.
The separate parts didn't matter, only the unified, glorious whole. They were nothing without each other.
Her muscles tensed, then several spasms rolled through her so hard her whole body shook.
Clay chuckled softly as she shuddered in his arms. "That's it. One more," he said, but she could sense him struggling to hold back and wanted to relish a little power of her own. Pressing him onto his back, she made sure he lost all control.