“A fancy-dress night sounds a little too tame for your tastes.”
“If you think that, then we obviously need to go. And it will be my extreme pleasure to teach you otherwise.”
“One step at a time,” I said, trying not to smile. “Let’s meet with Lauren, and see how that goes first.”
“So you can get here by five?”
I glanced at the clock. It was close to five now, but it wouldn’t take me that long to get there by taxi. I could travel by Aedh form, but even though I felt a whole lot stronger after eating and sleeping, I wasn’t about to waste energy uselessly. Lucian and his dark sorceress would just have to wait if I was late.
“Depends on the traffic,” I said. “But probably.”
“Good. See you soon.”
I hung up, then tossed the phone in my purse and walked to the bed to retrieve Amaya from under the pillow. Happy, not, she said, as I slung her over my back. Should not leave alone.
It wasn’t my choice to get snatched without you, I replied, then wondered why in the hell I was justifying myself to my own damn sword. Maybe I was going crazy—which would not be surprising given the mess my life was in at the moment.
I made the bed, then slung my purse over my shoulder and headed for the door.
“Risa, don’t go,” Azriel said softly.
Fuck it, Azriel, don’t do this. I stopped. “Why not?”
“Because I do not want you to go.”
I flexed my fingers, and found myself reeling between the desire to do what he asked and the knowledge that what he was asking was wrong. “You were the one who said this quest was more important than anything else. If talking to this dark sorcereress gets us closer to the keys, then we have to do it.”
“I am not talking about the keys. I am talking about you and Lucian.”
“Lucian has his place in this search, whether you like it or not.”
“It is not so much his place in this search that I object to.”
“Damn it, you can’t say things like that. Not after everything you said last night.” And while a deeper part of me rejoiced at the admission, it mostly only added to the deepening well of frustration.
“There have been a lot of things I should not have said or done, Risa.”
Yeah, and showing me just how truly amazing we could be together, then snatching away the possibility of it ever happening again was certainly one of them.
“You said last night that I wasn’t understanding the seriousness of the situation. Well, this time you’re the one not understanding.” I turned. There was very little in the way of emotion to be seen in his face. “I might be part Aedh, but I am also werewolf. Sex may not be the necessity for me that it is for others of my kind, but by the same token, I do not want to live my life without it.”
“I am not asking—”
“Yes, you are.” I said it fiercely, my fists clenched. “You’re asking me to stay out of Lucian’s bed, and right now he’s the only sexual partner I have. And don’t suggest I seek out others, because I can’t afford to bring anyone else into my life with all the shit that is happening. At least Lucian is fully able to protect himself.”
“But he is not to be trust—”
“Maybe not,” I cut in. “But then, who the hell am I supposed to trust in this whole debacle? Every single person involved in this quest is using me for their own reasons—you, Lucian, Hunter, my father. Hell, even Jak’s doing it to get a story, but at least with him it’s a mutual thing.”
“What about Tao, Ilianna, and Stane? They are not—”
“They’re my friends, and only part of this quest because I’ve dragged them into it. They’re not using me; they’re trying to keep me alive.”
“I’m trying to keep you alive.”
“But only because you need me to find the keys. If it came to a choice between saving me and gaining the keys, we both know I’d be a goner.”
He didn’t say anything. And whatever he was feeling, whatever he was thinking, he was keeping it all locked down very tightly.
I sighed. “We can’t keep doing this, Azriel. We can’t keep arguing over this same point. Either you and I take the risk of deepening our relationship, or you accept the fact that I will take other lovers, be that Lucian or not.”
He made a sharp “whatever” motion with his hand. “You are right. I will not mention it again.”
“Good.” I spun on my heel and headed for the door.
But as I reached for the handle, he added, “I told you once that reapers are sexual beings, that we mingle energies and recharge ourselves with other energy beings.”
I paused, my fingers still on the door handle as I glanced over my shoulder. “Yes, so?”
His expression was as remote as ever. “So, we can only recharge with those who possess a harmonious frequency, and such compatibility is not widespread. When a connection is found, it is to be cherished.”
I frowned. “I’m not getting the link between this and what we were discussing.”
“The connection,” he said softly, “is the fact that I can recharge with you.”
I blinked. To say I was surprised was an understatement. Hell, I was flesh and blood, and he was energy. How was something like that even possible?
“I’m not a reaper. I’ll never be a reaper.”
“No, you are not.”
My confusion deepened. “So what exactly are you trying to say?”
“Nothing. I merely explain what you see as unreasonable behavior.” He hesitated, and something flashed through his eyes, something that resembled pain. “I once had a recharge companion, but she was killed while escorting a soul through the dark portals.”
“I’m sorry—”
“There is no need for your sorrow. She died long ago, and was not my Caomh. While I regret her passing, it was not a life-altering event.”
Caomh was the reaper equivalent of a life mate if I’d understood the little Azriel had said about them. “So, is the fact that you can recharge through me a sign that the assimilation threat is greater than you were admitting?”
“No. I am, as I said, merely explaining why I react to Lucian’s presence in your affections.”
Because he wanted to protect something that was rare and precious in his world. And yet, at the same time, he was desperate to avoid it because he feared that it might cloud his judgment when it came to his task here. No wonder he seemed all over the place when it came to the two of us.
“What happens to reapers who do not find someone who is compatible energy wise?”
He shrugged. “Their life span is shortened. Even energy beings eventually need some means of sustaining themselves.”
“So recharging is as much about food as sex?”
“Yes.”
“Then how did you survive so long without your recharge partner?”
“I survive because recharging for a reaper is not the everyday necessity that it is for flesh-and-blood beings. We can go eons before the lack affects us.”
Thank god I wasn’t a reaper, then, because I actually enjoyed the daily necessity of food and sex.
“Look, I’m sorry you’ve been put in this position, Azriel, but I can’t stop living my life because you and I share what is rare in your world—especially when it’s something you fear will endanger us both.”
“I understand this now and, as I said, I will not mention it again.” He hesitated briefly, and again emotion flashed through his eyes. This time, though, I couldn’t really define what it was. “I just wanted to explain why I react as I do.”
“Thank you,” I said softly. “But you haven’t actually explained why you can recharge with me, when I’m not a full energy being.”
“No.”
I waited for him to continue, but when it became obvious he wouldn’t, I turned and walked out of the room.
It was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do, given that all I really wanted to do was to wrap myself in Azriel’s arms and let the rest of the world go to hell.
Which was still a very real possibility if we didn’t get to the remaining keys first.
I was half an hour late by the time I got to Lucian’s. Even though we’d been going against most of the traffic to get into the city, it was still peak hour, and that generally meant madness no matter which side of the road you were on.
I climbed out of the taxi and stared up at the old Victorian building. There were still workmen on-site, despite the fact it was nearing five thirty. Maybe they were making use of daylight savings and trying to get ahead of schedule. My gaze swept the top floor, but I wasn’t sure what I was searching for. The windows were covered by heavy plastic, so even if Lucian had been standing at one of them, I wouldn’t have been able to see him.
I took a deep breath, then released it slowly, but it didn’t do much to ease the tension slithering through me. And standing here wasn’t doing a whole lot for it, either. I waited for a tram to pass, then crossed the road and made my way through the scaffolding into his building.
The old lift rattled upward and came to a bouncing halt at the top floor. The doors groaned open, but it took me several seconds before I could force myself out.
And I wasn’t entirely sure whether the reluctance stemmed from not wanting to meet with the dark sorceress or not wanting to have my suspicions about Lucian confirmed.
Damn it, I liked sex. I especially liked having sex with Lucian. I didn’t want a return to the nun-like state I’d been in before this madness had all begun.
Of course, confirmation that he’d placed a compulsion spell on me wasn’t exactly a deal breaker, but it would worry me. If he was being dishonest about that, then what the hell else was he being dishonest about?
I walked through the clouds of dust that filled the room, my footsteps echoing softly in the vast emptiness. There were no workmen on this floor, just the sound of their jackhammers and whatnot echoing up from the floors below. Lucian’s lemongrass and suede scent filled the sub-layers within the dusty air, but it was entwined with an energy that was uneasy and shadowed. His dark sorceress was here.