But she only smiled, her eyes lighting, her expression so giving and generous that it humbled him.
“I promise,” she said solemnly. “But Hancock, just so you know? Getting to touch you and give you even a tenth of the pleasure you gave me will never hurt me. I want it too badly for pain to even register. Give me this. Give yourself this,” she added gently, almost as if she knew he felt he didn’t deserve it but that he also wanted it like he wanted to breathe.
Then her eyelashes fluttered and cast downward, her cheeks a dusty pink as though she were embarrassed.
Once more he slid his fingers underneath her chin, coaxing it upward so he could see into her eyes and see what bothered her.
“Tell me what is frightening you, Honor,” he said, injecting every ounce of patience and tenderness he was capable of into his voice.
She swallowed and then took a deep breath. “I’m not sure how to please you, and I want that very much, Hancock. You gave me so much. I never imagined it could be like that. I don’t deceive myself into believing I can give you even a fraction of what you gave me, but I want you to feel good. I want what I do to you to feel good. But I don’t know how.”
The last came out in frustration, almost anger. Self-directed anger.
“Can you show me how to please you?” she whispered. “Can you show me what to do and how to do it?”
Already moisture beaded the tip of his dick, and her gaze was drawn to the pearls, seemingly fascinated. Almost as if she couldn’t help it, drawn to the sight, she leaned down and delicately licked one of the drops away.
His entire cock jerked and his hips bucked, curses tearing from his lips. His fingers formed tight fists, gathering the sheets in his hands as he held on for dear life.
She immediately pulled away, her eyes stricken, tears welling in her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she rushed to say, as if fearing she’d made him angry. Then she pounded her fist against her leg, causing him to instantly catch her hand to ensure she didn’t reopen the stitches at her wrists. He rubbed his thumb caressingly over her skin and then brought her hand to his mouth and kissed each knuckle. Every fingertip, drawing each into his mouth and suckling them.
Then he allowed each finger deeper entrance, licking at the tip and then the underneath of her smooth fingers, taking it to the back of his throat and then swallowing around it.
Her eyes widened in sudden understanding. He was showing her how to please him. How to take his cock in her mouth and please him.
“Honor, you did nothing wrong,” he said, not recognizing the tender caress that suddenly became his voice. He sounded throaty and seductive, like he was wooing the most important female in the world. One he must make his or die.
“God, if you did anything righter I’d shatter. Look at me, baby. See me. Really see me.”
Reluctantly, she lifted her eyes to meet his.
“Do I look like I’m not pleased with anything you’re doing? See me, Honor. See what you do to me. I’m as naked and as vulnerable as a newborn babe, and believe me, I do not like feeling that way. Except,” he said, drawing it out, “for you. With you. Only with you.”
She smiled then, relief lighting her deep brown eyes until they warmed him to his very soul.
“There is nothing you can do that I won’t love and be begging—yes, that’s right, Honor, I said begging—for more. You’ll have me on my knees and at your mercy for just a touch from you. Your mouth. Your nipples. Your body. I want it all.”
“You don’t mind my inexperience then,” she said in a pleased tone.
He gathered her face in his hands, tangling his fingers in her hair as he took her mouth in a breathless motion. Then he pulled back, still running his fingers through the silken strands of her hair as if he simply couldn’t get enough of touching her.
“I love that I’m the only man who’s ever touched you this intimately. I’m glad that I’m the only man you’ve ever touched so intimately. The only man who’s had his dick in your sweet mouth and felt the touch of that velvety soft tongue. God, what you do to me, Honor. Damn me to hell for taking such a precious gift when I have nothing to give you in return except heartbreak and betrayal.”
Tears burned his eyes and he did nothing to shield his emotions from her, something he would have never done in the past with anyone. No one saw into him. Not even his family. They caught glimpses, but only what he wanted them to see. Just enough so they’d know he did love them.
But Honor got all of him. Every single thing he’d spent a lifetime suppressing. Building impenetrable fortresses around the things that mattered to him until they simply no longer existed. He became what he set out to become. The ultimate assassin. No feelings to muck things up. No emotions to interfere in a mission.
But he’d known for a while now that his heart was no longer in it. That he no longer had a heart or a soul. Honor had been the final nail in his coffin and after this—her—he’d walk away and never look back. He’d live the kind of life Honor would have wanted him to have—or try. How could a man ever live with peace knowing he’d destroyed the very essence of good? Even if it was to take out the very face of evil and save thousands of innocent women, children and men?
Was it really worth it?
Was it?
Honor’s eyes narrowed as she stared back at Hancock. “You do not have the look of a pleased man right now.”
He smiled. Really smiled, allowing the demons and shadows that haunted him and would haunt him the rest of his life to slip away, because nothing would interfere in this one brief shining moment in the sun. He’d wrap himself in Honor’s light and goodness and keep it always.