I speak clearly and concisely. I don't think I miss anything important, though I have to backtrack a few times when I recall bits that I overlooked. The others listen in silence, their faces lengthening as I reveal the direness of our situation, the belief of the Old Creatures that the universe is doomed.
There's silence when I finish. Everyone's brooding. Even Grubbs looks troubled-his face has altered and become more human.
"I wouldn't have returned," Dervish finally says. "I've faced a lot in my time, stepped up to all sorts of challenges. But in your position, I'd have stayed on the ark. I wouldn't have had the guts to come back with so much at risk. I'd have gone with the safe option."
"Coward," Kirilli laughs.
"I don't like being the practical one," Meera mutters, "but what if he imagined it all? Traveling to the center of the universe... life starting with a chessboard... aliens nudging us up the evolutionary ladder... an ark world. That's pretty far-fetched, even by our standards. What if he's crazy? No offense, Kernel."
"None taken." I sigh. "I wish it was my imagination. But I'm sure it wasn't."
"The Kah-Gash told me I was the trigger," Grubbs says slowly, and he has that shifty look in his eyes again. "In the hospital, when the three of us were together, it said I had the power to unite and direct it. So that part of the story's true."
"It's all true," Bec snaps. "Let's not waste time pretending otherwise. Our world is doomed. The universe is damned. Unless we defeat Death."
"No one ever cheats death," Dervish says.
"I did," Bec reminds him.
I say nothing of Raz's suspicions about Bec. We need to work together, not abandon ourselves to paranoia.
"We need a plan," Meera says. "Mr. Trigger Man-any ideas?"
Grubbs shrugs. "Track Death down and rip it to pieces. Easy."
"You almost sound like you believe that," Dervish snorts.
"I do," Grubbs insists. "Death made a mistake when it took a body. That puts it on par with us. From what you told me, Beranabus gave as good as he got when he went up against the Shadow. He sent it screaming back to the foul realm of the Demonata. We're stronger than Beranabus. We can inflict more damage. I say we reassemble the Kah-Gash, hit Death hard, and end this."
"I don't know," Bec murmurs. "The Kah-Gash frightens me more than Death or the Demonata. They can only kill us, but the Kah-Gash can wipe out the universe, so we never even existed in the first place. I don't think we should unleash its power unless we absolutely have to."
"Do you have any idea if we can control it?" I ask. "You're the Kah-Gash's memory. Is there anything you can tell us about how it functioned in the past?"
Bec shakes her head. "I've always had a perfect memory, and now I can absorb the memories of others. This explains why. But I can only recall the memories of my own life or the lives of those I touch. Perhaps, if we joined, the Kah-Gash would reveal more to me, but the dangers..."
"What dangers?" Grubbs snorts. "We're wrong to be afraid. This is our weapon. We own the pieces-hell, we are the pieces. We're the Kah-Gash's masters."
"No," I correct him. "We're its hosts. The pieces have been in thousands of other creatures before. We have no more claim over it than any of them did."
"Let's just do it," Grubbs groans. "It wants to be used. I feel my piece straining to link with yours."
"I feel that too," Bec says, "and it scares me. Why is it so eager to be restored, now, after all this time, with Death on the loose and hordes of demons bearing down on our world? It could be plotting against us."
"It did what we wanted when we linked before," Grubbs protests. "It took us back in time so that we could stop the tunnel being opened."
"What if that was a mistake?" Bec argues. "What if we join again and it takes us further back, to when this universe was born? What if it stops that?"
Grubbs scowls and looks away impatiently.
"I share Bec's concerns," I tell them. "Even the Old Creatures don't know what the Kah-Gash is really like, and they've been studying it for billions of years. We can't know its true intentions."
"Can we afford to wait?" Dervish asks. "If we're as close to the end as the Old Creatures predict... I think we should test it."
I sigh. "If it goes wrong, we'll be condemning all those creatures on the ark."
"This will sound callous," Meera says, "but I don't care. If our world ends, for me everything ends. I'm not concerned about other planets, Old Creatures, or aliens. You feel that way too, Kernel. You wouldn't have come back if you didn't."
"But there are so many worlds... so many species..."
"Tough," Meera snorts. "They're not our problem. You came back to help save Earth, not the universe. Am I right or am I right?"
I smile weakly. "I can't argue with that. OK, I'll give it a try. But if I start to think we can't beat Death-if it looks like we're fighting a losing battle-I will return to the ark. I won't go down with a sinking ship."
Dervish claps my back. "I think you were crazy to return, but I like your style! Here's what I suggest. We move on to the city where the next crossing's going to happen and we let the window open. You three link and test yourselves against the demons. If you don't wreck the universe, we'll take that experience forward and confront the Shadow. If you do wreck the universe... well, we'll all be dead, so we won't have to worry about it. How does that sound?"
"Good to me," Grubbs grunts.
I shrug.
"I suppose," Bec says hesitantly. "But assuming we pass the test, I'd like to try and learn more about Death before we attack it, find out if it has any weaknesses, if there's a way to defeat it."
"How are we supposed to do that?" Grubbs sneers. "Send it a questionnaire?"
Bec licks her lips nervously. "We might have an inside man who can help us."
"What are you talking about?" Dervish frowns.
"It's something Beranabus said before he died." Bec shudders. She was close to the old magician. His death hit her hard. "In the hold of the ship, after I told him about Death, he said to tell Kernel to find him."
"He wanted me to open a window out of the hold," I mutter, feeling guilty even though I know there's nothing I could have done to help him.
"That's what I thought," Bec nods. "I assumed he planned to escape or knock the lodestone through the window. But the more I think about it, the more I doubt that assumption. He knew he couldn't last long against the Shadow, that it would take us several minutes to climb the stairs. He knew you were part of the Kah-Gash and that the Shadow wanted to get its hands on you. Why would he ask you to risk capture? He was doomed and he accepted his death. His only concern was that we evade the Shadow and live to fight another day.
"I don't think he was asking for help." Bec licks her lips again. "I think he was looking ahead. Once he knew what the Shadow was, he resigned himself to dying. But he didn't give up the fight. Juni and I are proof that death isn't the end. When he found out who his enemy was, I believe Beranabus saw a chance to learn more about it and share that information with us.
"Death uses souls to create its body. Maybe it held on to Beranabus's soul when it killed him. Part of him might be alive inside that monstrous mass of shadows."
Bec looks at me and grins shakily. "You can locate anything in the universes of the living, Kernel. Do you think you could find a ghost in the realm of the dead?"