I took a breath, steeling myself. ‘I did this.’ I echoed, still staring at the wreckage, getting more real by the minute. All year, I’d been cleaning up other people’s messes, but this damage? It was all mine.
I swallowed, the sick guilt receding, replaced with a curious glow. It took me a moment to figure out what it was I was feeling, it had been so long since I’d felt the sensation: a boldness, a sharp victory that made me clench my fists at my sides.
Power.
I’d done this. I’d pulled the trigger. I’d taken this life, because I wanted to.
‘Welcome to natural selection,’ Oliver told me, his lips curving in a conspiratorial smile. ‘The strongest survive, the weak are culled from the pack. It’s all just a part of this beautiful thing we call life.’
I looked at him, my heart pounding. I wanted to be like him, so sure of himself, somebody who made the decisions and left other people to deal with the fallout. I wanted to be reckless and brave, the way I felt I was, deep down inside.
I took two quick steps towards him and reached up to take his collar.
‘Easy, tiger,’ Oliver smirked, stepping back.
I stumbled, off-balance, but he caught me, his hands closing around my wrists. I felt a damp stickiness and, when I looked down, I saw the blood on his hands.
He released me. ‘Your first kill,’ he murmured. He pressed his fingertip against my mouth and I felt the smear of blood, wet on my lip.
A shudder of revulsion trembled through my body, but then his mouth was on me, capturing my lips in a kiss, pulling me closer, tight against his body. I tasted metal, and him, and then there was nothing left in my mind but the dark heat, and the bright, cold snow, and the feeling that I could do anything, anything at all.
Annette and Derek Reznick arrive at the hospital in a fluster of thick winter coats and panic.
‘Chloe? Chloe, thank God!’ Derek races down the hallway, grabbing on to both my arms. ‘What happened? They said there was a fire. Where is he?’
Annette hangs back, her eyes flicking to the deputies Weber left waiting in the hall with me. He’s gone for now, out to examine the wreckage now that it’s not just a fire site, but a crime scene too.
I don’t need the official report, I already know what they’ll find.
How much is left? I wonder. What could be standing now, after the flames? The fire was raging by the time I dragged his body out; the fire crew might have doused the flames, but by now, there would be nothing but charred remains of the brother I’d left behind.
Would there be enough to identify him? To tell what we’d done?
‘Chloe?’ Derek’s voice is hoarse with fear. ‘Where’s our boy?’
I snap out of it. ‘He’s just out of surgery,’ I manage to reply. ‘They operated, I don’t know what exactly, but it seemed to go OK.’
‘Dear God,’ Annette breathes, and then her legs give way and she slumps against the wall. Derek goes to her immediately, steering her into a waiting-room chair. Annette’s shoulders shake. ‘I thought . . . ’ she stutters, hysterical. ‘I thought . . . ’
‘Shh . . . shh . . . Everything’s going to be alright.’ Derek soothes her. At last, her sobs fade. He looks up to again to where I’m standing, stranded.
‘You’re sure he’ll be fine? The doctors said so?’
I nod. ‘He lost a lot of blood, but, they think he’ll make a full recovery.’ I pause. ‘We just don’t know when he’ll wake up.’
Derek closes his eyes a moment, his lips moving in a silent prayer. ‘I’m going to try Oliver again,’ he tells Annette. He pulls out his cellphone. ‘I don’t know why he’s not picking up. I’ve left half a dozen messages.’
They don’t know.
My heart catches. Oh God, they don’t know.
I wait there, my mind racing as Derek makes the call.
‘Son, I don’t know what you’re playing at, but this isn’t the time to go off the grid. You need to call me back, as soon as you get this.’ He paces back and forth on the faded linoleum floor, leaving another message that will never be received. ‘We’re at Hartford Memorial, third floor.’
He hangs up with an exasperated sigh. ‘What’s the name of the boys he was staying with?’ he asks Annette. ‘Maybe we could find a direct number.’
‘I don’t know.’ Annette’s glances over at me and I quickly look away.
There’s silence.
When I look back, she’s still watching me, but this time I’m caught in her gaze, guilt flushing on my face.
Her eyes suddenly widen, flickering with realization. She knows, Oliver’s not staying with friends. She knows, he was a part of this too.
I’m sorry, I want to tell her. I’m so, so sorry.
‘I should get out to the site,’ Derek says, still pacing. ‘Insurance will want to know what happened. I don’t understand, Chloe, was it a gas leak, do you think? Or were you playing around with candles. You can tell me, I won’t be angry, I promise,’ he adds, looking haggard. ‘I’m just glad everyone’s safe.’
I close my eyes. Not everyone.
‘Honey.’ Annette finally reaches out, and tugs on Derek’s arm. He stops pacing.
‘What is it?’
She looks at me. ‘Tell us, Chloe,’ she whispers. ‘Who do they have in surgery?’
‘What are you talking about?’ Derek looks between us.
‘She didn’t tell us,’ Annette says, her voice rising, high and desperate. ‘She didn’t say who they brought in. Is it Ethan or Oliver?’
I can’t say it. I look down, clutching my hands together. I’m still wearing the ring Ethan gave me, the silver promise band, and I twist it on my finger, over and over.
‘Chloe!’ Derek’s voice rises. ‘What happened? Where are they? Who was in the house with you?’
‘Yes, Chloe, tell us.’ Another voice enters the fray. Sheriff Weber is coming back down the hallway, brushing the rain off his coat. There’s no sympathy on his face now, only suspicion.
Fear clenches in my chest, sharp as ice.
Weber comes to a stop in front of me, eye to eye. ‘We found a body.’ he says quietly. ‘We haven’t identified him yet, but you know who it is, don’t you?’
I nod. A sob rises in my throat and I feel tears, hot on my cheeks.
‘There’s a body?’ I hear Derek let out his breath in a whoosh. Annette reaches for him, trembling.