Derek stands up and so do I, but my gaze lands on the empty spot where Emily no longer sits. I forget about my brother and my father, cutting around them to find Emily is not in the room. Nor is she with my mother, who is standing by the fireplace. She lifts a finger to point toward the door, the look on her face warning me that Emily had reacted to the exchange that just took place. Exiting the library, I search the foyer and the kitchen, my gut telling me she’s outside. Sure enough, she’s standing under a tree in the center of the yard, and she hasn’t even bothered with her wrap. Concerned, I walk to her but she doesn’t turn when I know she must hear my steps.
“Emily,” I say, stepping in front of her, my hands settling against her neck, under her hair. “What’s wrong?”
“Your brother threatened to kill me.”
“I don’t think that’s what he meant.”
“Your father did. What are we doing here? What is happening?”
I press my forehead to hers. “We’re okay. You’re okay.”
“I think I need you to promise that right now.”
“I promise.”
In that moment, I know I should offer to send her away again, but I can’t find the words. I can’t send her away. No matter how selfish it makes me, I need her too much to let her go. And if I have to use the tape I made to protect her, even at the expense of Derek’s life, I will. Without question and for the first time, I can say it without guilt. I know that means that this war has changed me. I know that winning it—which I must—will change me even more. But I am also certain that I won’t lose myself, as long as I don’t lose Emily.