I was to see him the next evening; and it would behove me to
lose no time in telling him all the various matters I had
wished him to understand. It seemed to me there was something
to reconsider in my proposed communications. I had to tell him
that our correspondence must be stopped. Would he agree to
that? I had thought he would agree, and must, to anything I
desired. To-night assured me that he had a will in the matter
too, and that his will was strong. Further, it assured me that
he had a right; and knew it. Yet it was impossible that we
should write to each other without my parents' leave; and
impossible that we should gain the leave. Mr. Thorold would
have to see the matter as I looked at it; but a doubt came
over me that to make him do so might prove difficult. That was
one thing. Then about my not being an heiress. I suddenly
found a great dislike in myself to speak to him on the
subject. There was no doubt that it would be right to tell him
what I had thought to tell him; wrong not to do it; the right
and the wrong were settled; my willingness was not. A little
inner consciousness that Mr. Thorold would relish any handling
of the matter that savoured of the practical, and would
improve it for his own ends, made my cheek hot. Yet I must
tell him. The thing stood, with only an addition of
disagreeableness. And what chance should I have, in the
street?
I meditated a good while, before there suddenly started into
my mind a third subject upon which I had meant to take action
with Mr. Thorold. I had thought to qualify a little the
liberty he had assumed upon our first betrothal; to keep at a
somewhat more reserved distance, and make him. Could I? Was
Mr. Thorold under my management? He seemed to take me under
his. I pondered, but between laughing and rebellion I could
make nothing of the subject. Only, I resolved, if
circumstances gave me any chance, to act on my proposed
system.
The next day was swallowed up in like thoughts. I tried to
arrange my subjects and fix upon one to begin with; but it was
a vain effort. I knew that as soon as I began to get ready for
my walk. Things must come as they would. And my cross tides of
purpose resolved themselves into one long swell of joy, when I
discerned the figure I was looking for, waiting for me on
Pennsylvania avenue; too soon, for it was near the place where
we parted the night before.
"This is very dangerous -" I said, as we began to stroll up
the avenue.
"What?" said Mr. Thorold, looking down at me with his eyes as
full of mischief as ever.