Chapter 25
The rest of Thanksgiving break didn’t seem real—everything was great. It was like I was in some fictional dreamworld and in the morning, I’d have to go back to my real life. And in a bizarre twist, on Sunday morning, Cromwell handed over the keys to my Jeep.
I lifted my head and stared down at Hayden. My fingers itched to touch him, but he looked so content in sleep I didn’t want to bother him. So I brushed my fingers over my lips instead. They felt swollen and plump. We’d kissed a lot before he carefully tucked me against his chest, a sweater and a sheet separating our flesh.
We’ve been kissing a lot. It seemed like that was all we did. Oh. Well. We didn’t just kiss.
We did other things. Like talk. Touch. Practice with plants. Kiss. Eat. Sleep. Practice with plants some more. Every night he snuck into my room, kind of like the way things had been in the cabin.
Ah, I did miss the cabin.
Hayden shifted, his arm curling around my hips, pulling me closer. I placed my hands on his chest so I didn’t topple right on top of him. Not that I would’ve minded, but we couldn’t go longer than a minute. Which was an improvement over twenty seconds, but who knew if it was Hayden’s gift that had added the additional time?
There was no way to really test it unless I touched someone else.
“Out of the question,” I murmured, placing my cheek against his chest, where his heart beat. I closed my eyes and let out a little sigh.
The only thing we hadn’t done was talk about the accident. And I didn’t want to bring it up. My mind went back to the files in Cromwell’s office. I had no plans to tell Hayden about them. Things were just too perfect right now to ruin them. Well, almost perfect.
If only I could get rid of the nagging thought that when things are this perfect, they usually come to an end in one big, messy ball of flames.
“What have I learned from Catcher in the Rye?” repeated a student from the front of the class.
Mr. Theo pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yes, that is the question.”
The same student leaned back in his seat. “Well, I’ve learned I’m probably going to fail English this semester.”
An eruption of laughter followed. Mr. Theo looked like he was nearing the end of his patience, showing a splinter in his easy manner. He’d looked that way since class had started.
A smile cracked my face even though it felt like someone was pounding an ice pick into my temple. When the bell sounded, I think Mr. Theo and I both breathed a sigh of relief.
I coasted through the rest of my morning classes. My chest swelled unexpectedly when I spotted Hayden slouched against my locker, waiting for me. Like it was nothing, he dropped his arm over my shoulder and grazed his lips over my temple.
Several kids glanced at us—mostly girls who looked like they’d trade their knock-off Prada shoes to be in my position.
“Hungry?”
“Always.” I tucked my hand into my sweater. “Diner?”
“If you don’t mind that Phoebe and Gabe join us?”
“That’s cool.” Not a total lie, but it also meant we had to act like we weren’t doing whatever we were doing. It wasn’t like we’d become official or something.
Then again, Hayden hadn’t skipped the PDA a few seconds ago.
Phoebe and Gabe were already at the diner when we walked in. I slid in first, then Hayden. The entire length of his thigh pressed against mine. I pulled a curl from behind my ear and started fiddling with it.
Phoebe’s bright gaze slid between us before settling on Hayden. She and I still weren’t talking, obviously. And I was making it a habit to not feel anything when I was around her. I wasn’t sure if it was working or not.
“Are you going to Charleston with Jonathan tomorrow?” she asked. “Parker’s going with him.”
“Nah, I’d rather sit in class.” Hayden stretched and dropped his hands in his lap.
“I think I’d skip class.” Gabe frowned at the menu.
“Is he going to be gone all day?” I asked, visions of files dancing in my head.
“Most of the day,” Hayden answered. “Probably won’t be back till late evening.”
“Oh.” I took a drink of my soda. Hadn’t Olivia mentioned at dinner that Liz would be going to class with her tomorrow? Something about a field trip involving a play. That meant no one would be home.
Gabe said something, but I’d stopped listening and was suddenly cold—shivering beside a boy who threw off boiling-level temperatures. Tomorrow would be perfect. No one would be home besides my mom— and let’s face it, she didn’t count. Who knew when I’d find another opportunity to see those files?
But did I want to know what was in them? What if I found something that changed everything? What if there was evidence that Cromwell had been behind the accident?
Hayden’s hand on my thigh brought me out of my thoughts. I kept my face straight and kicked him under the table. He squeezed in return.
If I did this—which I already knew I would—I needed to prepare myself for the possibility that Hayden would hate me forever for outing his father or another member of his adopted family. Phoebe’s locker stuff hadn’t done it, but this would be different, worse.
I glanced at Hayden, and a small, secretive smile graced his lips. That kind of smile usually set my skin aflame, but ice was building in my stomach.
Later that night, I talked things through with Mom. That went well— meaning I had a twenty-minute long conversation with myself—but I no longer held it against her. This wasn’t just about my dad, or me, or even Olivia.
Mom would never talk to me again. She’d only see Olivia, and from what I understood, she hadn’t been doing much of that lately. Olivia didn’t understand why and honestly, neither did I.
Before supper, I drew with Olivia. Besides absolutely refusing to stay on the paper, the kid had talent, more than I’d had at that age. Then again, Olivia’s talents were more than just her gift. She was sort of perfect.
I checked my email, more out of habit than anything else, and straightened my room while I waited for Hayden to show up. Yesterday, he’d removed all the plants from the room, except the snake one. I kept that one on my desk as a reminder of my success.
It still hadn’t died and well, I sort of loved that plant.
The soft sound of my door brushing over the carpet drew my attention. I turned off the computer and swiveled around in my desk chair. My stomach did the weird fluttery thing at the sight of his lopsided smile.
“No plants?” I asked.
Hayden shook his head and shut the door. “Thought we’d do something normal for a change.” He pulled a DVD out of his waistband and tossed it to me.
I caught it and flipped it over. “Didn’t this just come out in the theaters?”
“I cannot answer that question.” He tugged off his hoodie with a sly smile and dropped it on the floor. The long-sleeve shirt he wore underneath rode up a couple of inches. “Em, if you keep looking at me like that, we aren’t going to watch any movie.”
Blushing, I jumped up and busied myself putting the DVD in. It wasn’t my fault that I stared a little. He had that kind of effect. We started off watching the movie—honestly. But it was way too hard to pay attention from the moment Hayden tugged my ponytail down and started messing with my hair.
“I like your hair down.” He twisted his fingers through the curls.
My eyes drifted shut as I relaxed next to him. “It’s a mess. I need to get a haircut.”
Hayden’s fingers stilled. “No. You shouldn’t cut your hair. It’s beautiful.”
I would never cut my hair. Ever. “Pay attention to the movie.”
“I am.”
No, he wasn’t. He left my hair alone, only to circle his arms around my waist and tug me back against him. I let my head fall back against his chest and tried to focus on my plan. “Can I ask you something?”
He made some sort of affirmative sound. His breath stirred the hair at my temple.
“Do you mind if I drive to school tomorrow?” I held my breath.
“No.” His arms tightened. I warmed in a lot of places.
“I thought I could drive myself, you know? I haven’t in a long time and I thought it would nice to do it… by myself.”
Hayden turned me around in his arms in about a nanosecond. I put my hands on his shoulders to steady myself. He looked incredibly serious. Oh no, this didn’t look good. “What?” I asked, a bit transfixed by how the different colors from the TV swayed over his face.
“If you want to drive yourself to school, Em, you don’t have to ask for my permission,” he said, tucking a curl behind my ear. “You can do whatever you want.”
“I know. I didn’t ask for that reason.” I felt terrible for lying. Terrible for what I planned to do tomorrow. Terrible that everything could change if I found something.
“Okay.” His dark gaze searched my face. I felt my stomach drop. “Em, do you like this? I mean, we haven’t really talked about this.” A faint blush stained his cheeks. “You know, about what we’re doing.”
Relief swamped me, but then I realized this was also a serious conversation. Like, the conversation. Were we moving to “title” territory? Somehow that seemed just as important as the files in Cromwell’s office.
I sat back. “What are we doing?”
Hayden ran a hand over his head, and then dropped his arm to his knee. “I really don’t know how to put what we’re doing into words.”
“Me, neither.”
“You know I… like you?”
“Like” was such a lame word. “Yeah.”
“For awhile now, and well, I don’t want how I feel about you to influence how you feel about me.”
I frowned. “Uh…”
A tiny grin appeared. “What I mean is—I don’t know what I mean.” He laughed self-consciously and shook his head. “I’m not very good at this. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I don’t know if what we have between us is because you can touch me, or something else.”
I’d never really looked at it that way, but I could see how he would. My options were painfully limited. “Hayden, are you asking me if I only like you because you’re the only guy I can touch?”
His gaze flicked off my face. “Yeah, I guess that’s what I’m asking.”
I scooted closer. “I like you because I can touch you.”
Hayden’s head jerked back to me. He opened his mouth, but I held up my hand. “Wait. It’s more than that. When I first came here, I didn’t trust you—trust any of you, really. But out of everyone here, you were nice to me. You talked to me and you… you believed in me. You didn’t treat me like a freak.”
“Because you’re not a freak,” he said seriously.
“I’ve felt like queen of the freaks for two years, but I never felt that way around you. Anyway, you’re funny and you’re nice. And you’re smart. I trust you—obviously. I’ve told you and showed you things that not even Adam knew about.” I shook my head. “And you’re—”