I tried to move and again Nathaniel’s arm tightened around me, holding me in place, but this time it panicked me. I had one of those claustrophobic moments where I had to get out of the bed. I had to find out what had happened and how long we had really been in this room. I was able to sit up, but Nathaniel’s arm squeezed around my waist, so that moving off the bed wasn’t happening. Nothing was wrong, no one was hurting me, but I was suddenly choking on panic. I pushed at Nathaniel’s shoulder hard enough that he raised his head and blinked at me groggily.
“Up!” I said, my voice strident.
“Up what?” he mumbled.
“I need up, out of bed.”
He rose up on one elbow, letting me go and asking, “What’s wrong?”
I looked down into his lavender eyes and I remembered his eyes glowing in the shower. I backed out of the bed so fast I half-fell to the floor. He came to the edge of the bed and looked down at me.
“Anita, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t know.” But that was a lie. I did know, or thought I did. I just didn’t want to say it out loud.
“Did you have a nightmare?” he asked.
I got to my feet and shook my head. “No. Did you?”
“No, I slept great. How about you?”
“I’m not sure.”
“What do you mean, you’re not sure?”
“What do you remember from after we got in the shower?” I asked.
He gave a very self-satisfied grin, like the proverbial cat that ate the canary. “Everything.”
“Define everything.”
“The sex was amazing, even for us.”
“We had sex with Damian,” I said.
Nathaniel’s smile began to dim. “Are you saying you don’t remember having sex with Damian?”
I shook my head.
He sat up in the bed, and without him to hold Damian in place the vampire slid down the pillows to lie awkward as a broken doll. The angle of his head alone let me know for certain that he was dead to the world, because asleep he’d have changed position. The angle of his neck was so awkward that it looked almost broken. If I could have changed it without getting back on the bed I’d have done it, but at that second nothing would have gotten me back on the bed. I was so scared my skin was cold.
My voice was only a little breathy as I said, “I don’t remember the actual sex.”
He frowned and sat up in bed, the sheets pooling behind him so that he was nude as he sat there looking concerned. “I don’t understand.”
“Neither do I,” I said.
“You look scared.”
I nodded.
“Are you scared of . . . me?”
“I’m scared of whatever made me not remember the last few hours.”
“Are you seriously saying you don’t remember any of the sex?”
“The last thing I remember was your eyes glowing and you said, I want this.”
“Then we had amazing sex,” he said.
“I don’t remember that part, Nathaniel.”
“You don’t remember Damian fucking you?”
“No, I don’t.”
“Or me going down on him for the first time?”
“No.”
“Or him taking blood from me so we could all keep having sex?” Nathaniel moved his tangled hair to one side so I could see the fang marks in his neck.
“I don’t remember that.”
“What’s the last thing you do remember?”
“I told you, your eyes glowing, and Damian’s eyes glowing.”
“Your eyes glowed, too, Anita, like brown diamonds in the sun.”
“I’ll take your word for it, but I don’t remember it.”
“You should remember, Anita.”
“I don’t.”
“Why don’t you?”
“I don’t know.”
He glanced behind him at the other man lifeless in the bed. “I hope Damian remembers more of it than you do. We hit some serious firsts. It would be sad if I was the only one that remembered them.”
“We need to talk to Jean-Claude,” I said.
“Why?”
“Because I don’t remember anything, Nathaniel. I mean, nothing after your eyes started to glow.”
“Everyone’s eyes glowed, Anita, not just mine.”
“I’ll take your word for it, but I honestly don’t remember.”
He slipped off the bed and I took a step back. He went very still, his face very serious. “You’re not just afraid. You’re afraid of me.”
“I think so.”
“Why? I would never hurt you, Anita.”
“Logically I know that, but this isn’t about logic.”
“No, it’s all about emotion for you. I can smell it.”
“Smell what, my emotions?”
“Your fear,” he said, his voice calm as if he didn’t want to add any more emotion to the situation. It was usually the way that Micah talked to me when I was upset, but I guess we’d been dating enough so that we all knew how to handle each other now.
“Anita, I don’t know what happened, or why you can’t remember everything, but if we did get rolled by some bigger vampire, don’t do to me what you’ve done to Sin, or Jean-Claude and Richard in the past.”
“And what is that? What did I do to them?” I could hear the fear and edge of anger in my voice.