She got sidetracked by Carter looking for his baseball cleats, and then by Cam searching for his library card.
Ten minutes had passed when Carson stormed into the house, right past her, went into his office and slammed the door.
That’d never happened before.
She hovered by the closed door, trying to hear who Carson was talking to. She waited until several minutes of silence passed, then she knocked once and stepped inside the room.
Carson had his back to her as he stared out the window.
She closed the door and started toward him. “Sweetheart, is everything okay?”
He shook his head.
“What happened with Casper?”
“He came to tell me, to gloat really, that our father is dead.”
Carolyn froze. “What?”
“Evidently Jed died during the night. For whatever reason they couldn’t get ahold of Cal so they called Casper.”
“And he’s just letting you know now?”
“Claims he wanted to tell me in person.”
“Does Cal know?”
“He does now. I just called him. And Charlie. Fuck.”
She went to him, nestling her cheek against the rigid line of his back, wreathing her arms around his waist. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well, so am I. I hated putting him in that f**kin’ nursing home. Even after that last stroke and Cal and Kimi couldn’t take care of him…”
His entire body was rigid even as it shook.
“The man who spent his life outside, battling the elements, putting his blood and sweat into the land so he’d leave behind some kind of legacy for us, died alone in a tiny windowless room.”
Her tears fell. Carson wasn’t looking to be absolved of guilt; he was in one of those rare moods where he needed to vent.
“My father, a man I admired my whole life even when he could piss me off like no one else…is gone. Who the f**k would ever be happy about that?”
Had Casper acted happy that Jed McKay had died? Had the idiot said that to Carson?
“I know Dad ain’t been the same for a few years, but he was always there. Goddammit, I just saw him yesterday. Now I’ll never see him again. Keely is four; she won’t remember him. He was so damn tickled to have a granddaughter. He won’t see Cord graduate or take on more ranch responsibilities. He won’t know that I…”
“That he did know. Jed McKay knew exactly how much you cared about him, about this family. How much blood, sweat and love you’ve poured into this place over the years. That’s why he put you in charge, Carson. He understood you have the drive and the love of the land, and the cattle business, and will make sure the legacy he built will be passed on to the next generation of McKays. He was proud of you. He told me that himself. We both know the man wasn’t prone to handing out any kind of praise unless it was earned. You earned it and his respect.”
He didn’t respond for the longest time. When he finally said, “Thank you,” in such a quiet and sad tone she scarcely heard him. Then he disentangled from her embrace and faced her.
His eyes were dry. Not that she’d expected him to be sobbing, but beneath the sadness Carson was seething.
“I’ve gotta meet up with Cal and Charlie and go over the funeral stuff.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Tell the kids. Then we’ll talk about it later.”
She shook her head. “You—we—need to tell them before you leave.”
“Caro—”
“He was your father; this crappy job shouldn’t fall on me. And we broke it to the kids together last year when my dad passed on.”
“Fine. They all here?”
“Except for Cord. You sent him to town.”
“Hell, he’s probably already heard the news about his grandpop at the hardware store. Round the rest of ’em up.”
The kids lined up on the couch, from Colby to Keely, and Carson matter of factly informed them their grandfather was dead.
Carolyn understood the man was in shock, but still, it was a pretty abrupt way to break the news, especially to children. Gently, she said, “How about if we say a prayer for Grandpop, since he’s at peace and in a better place.”
Keely blurted out, “Grandpop Jed is at Disneyland?”
Carson cracked a smile at that. “No, punkin. Grandpop is in heaven now.”
“Oh.”
It was clear by the look Cam and Carter exchanged that they thought Disneyland was a much better option than heaven.
They all bowed their heads, Carolyn said the prayer and before they hit the last consonant in amen and crossed themselves, Carson had booked it out the door.
He didn’t come home until late that night. But Carolyn hadn’t been worried because Cal and Charlie were both out with him, doing whatever.
She’d talked to Joan, who’d been even more subdued than normal. Evidently Casper hadn’t been with his brothers. In fact, Joan hadn’t seen Casper at all.
The next morning Carson bounded out of bed and out of the house before Carolyn. During the day the phone rang off the hook. Friends and neighbors wanting the details on the funeral service and if they should bring food to one place so the four McKay wives could divvy it up for the McKay sons’ families.
When her husband hadn’t shown up for supper, and Cal and Charlie were mum on his whereabouts, Carolyn figured Carson had gone looking for a fight.
She knocked on Cord’s bedroom door.