Michael and I sat in silence for a few moments, and I heard voices outside, suddenly remembering that we’d been caught before. Someone might’ve gone to get security.
Sitting up, I swung my legs over the bench and stood, my legs shaking and my body aching from what we’d just done. I could feel Michael’s eyes on me as I walked to my clothes on the floor.
“You know,” I started, slipping on my pants. “I don’t remember a time when I didn’t love you.”
I didn’t look at him but kept going, slipping on my jacket and grabbing my shoes and socks, sitting down on the bench to put them on.
“When you look at me,” I continued, “when you touch me, when you’re inside me, I’m completely in love with my life, Michael. I never want to be anywhere else.”
I finished pulling on my socks and shoes, bending down to tie them.
When I was done, I sat up straight and looked at him. “Will you ever feel that for me?” I asked. “Will you ever need me or fear losing me?”
Kai had made me feel good. He’d needed me. Been grateful for me.
Michael held my eyes, nothing but a dead calm in his depths, and I couldn’t tell what was happening inside of him.
“Will you ever let yourself be vulnerable?” I pressed.
And when he just sat there, not answering, I finally got up and walked toward the door.
“I’ll meet you outside.”
Present
“WE SHOULD STUDY TONIGHT,” Alex said as we walked down the sidewalk, having just left class. “I’ve got this great technique where I let myself eat a Skittle every time I get the right answer.”
I let out a weak laugh, shaking my head at her. “But they’re essay questions.”
“Shit,” she grumbled. “That’s worth at least a snack size bag per question, then.”
She turned left, and I followed her inside a small outdoor café area, watching her plop her bag down on the ground next to a table full of women.
“Hey, Alex,” a redhead chirped, looking up as the other girls finished laughing about whatever it was they’d been talking about.
“Hey, everyone,” Alex greeted, pulling out a chair. “This is Rika.” And then she turned to me. “Rika, this is Angel, Becks, and Danielle. We lived in the dorms together last year.” She leaned in further, mumbling under her breath as we both sat down. “They think I have a rich, married lover who supports me, so hush and just feel special that I trust you with shit, okay?”
She shot me a warning glare, and I snorted, sitting down in the seat.
“Hey, everyone,” I said, looking around at them.
They smiled, and the conversation picked up again, moving from boyfriends to midterms and I sat quietly, trying to relax and take in the late afternoon energy around me.
The taxi whistles, the car horns, the conversation going on at the tables around me…
But slowly, all the noises began to fade. The girls’ conversation became a distant echo, and heat spread up my neck just like it did every time I sat still today, and I could feel them all over again.
Their bodies. The steam room. The sweat.
And I closed my eyes, feeling the little aches I had from what we’d done. My limbs were sore, and I could still taste them in my mouth.
I couldn’t believe that had happened.
Michael.
Last night I swallowed shame and pushed boundaries, and I didn’t know if it was to test the trust, his love, or just to see the emotions that the experience would unfold between us, but I came out of it knowing one thing: that nothing could stop us.
If he loved me, we would be invincible.
Nothing had happened between Kai and me, not really. It was between Michael and me, and Kai had helped.
He’d helped me see that Michael wasn’t ready. Not yet. He needed the back and forth—the games—too much to give into me.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I fished it out, seeing Michael’s name on the screen.
I ignored the call, sliding my phone into my bag. That was six times today already, as well as six voicemails and a few texts.
I knew what he wanted, but if he wasn’t giving me his heart then I wouldn’t listen to him give me orders.
“Is that Michael?” Alex piped up, sliding me one of the waters the server had set down.
I nodded slightly and leaned back, resting my forearms on the wrought iron chair.
“Is everything okay?”
I shook my head, hooding my eyes. I had no idea how to talk about him.
“No, everything’s not okay,” a deep male voice said behind me, and I stilled.
The other girls at the table stopped talking and looked up, and Alex twisted her head around to see who it was.
I closed my eyes in frustration and then looked over my shoulder, seeing Kai and Will standing behind me, a black Jag parked at the curb.
“Michael’s been trying to get a hold of you,” Kai informed me, coming to stand between my chair and Alex’s. “When he couldn’t reach you, he sent us to look for you.”
“And I would’ve answered the phone if I wanted to talk,” I retorted.
“He thinks it would be best if you went home to wait for him,” Kai suggested, but I knew it was an order. “He’s concerned it’s not safe.”
“Noted,” I replied. “Thank you.”
And I picked up my glass of water, dismissing him.
He grabbed it out of my hand, and I hissed as the icy cold liquid spilled on my fingers. He flung the contents on the little potted tree behind him and tossed the glass back onto the table with a clatter.