So much freaking guilt. “You didn’t fail them, Salem. That’s how you feel, and I can even understand why. Grief isn’t logical. It makes us feel things we don’t need to feel. We punish ourselves because the idea of letting it go and moving on makes us feel guilty. I get it. But you didn’t let them down. What happened to them was not your fault. And if something ever happened to me –”
“It fucking won’t.”
“– it wouldn’t be your fault either. It’s just the way of the world.”
“So you want another partner?” It was a total dismissal of everything I’d just said. He simply wasn’t listening.
“Unless you can see us as a team, I don’t see any other option.”
He said nothing, just looked at me blankly. Then he turned and walked away. I got my answer.
(Salem)
“You do realise you have fucked up big time, don’t you?”
I didn’t look at Sam. Just kept my gaze on the ocean as I sprawled on the same lounger that I’d once rested on with Ava.
Ava. I hated that we’d fought. Physical fights were nothing to me – something I’d engaged in on a regular basis for a very long time. But emotional fights…they were alien to me. I was in unfamiliar territory; I didn’t really know what to do now. I felt out of my element, unsure.
Did I find her and try to talk things through?
Did I give her time to herself?
Did I give her the space to think?
I didn’t like the latter idea. She had a habit of overthinking stuff. We’d be okay…right?
Pulling me out of my thoughts, Sam sat on the lounger beside mine. “You know, I’d kind of understand you being such a knob if you hadn’t been helping me train Ava; if you thought she might be one of those people who runs off to be the heroine rather than sticking with the plan and being a team player. But you know how strong she is, you know she’s getting even stronger, and you know that she can be trusted to follow orders. So why the fuck would you behave like such a daft prick?”
I could have explained the truth of why I was so overprotective, but I didn’t trust anyone with as much of my past as I’d told Ava. “It’s between me and Ava.”
Sam snorted. “If you’re lucky.”
That made me look at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Ava has always had people undervalue her. It’s what made her undervalue herself.”
Yeah, I knew that. And it pissed me off.
“You’ve just gone and done the same thing. Do you really think she’ll stick around for you to keep making her feel like shit?”
That wasn’t what I’d done, and Ava would know that because she knew me better than anyone. Again, though, I wasn’t about to spill the truth to Sam or anyone else. “Like I said, it’s between me and Ava.”
“Well…Clearly you know her better than me.” Every word rung with sarcasm. “Clearly I’m wrong and she’s not going to be absolutely heartbroken right now that someone she cares about doesn’t see her as his equal. And clearly I’m wrong and she’s not going to be exceptionally pissed that you made it clear to everyone that you don’t believe she’s capable of taking care of herself.”
No wonder Sam was so pissed if that was how the situation looked to outsiders. Although her suppositions weren’t entirely accurate, three things could probably be true: Ava might be heartbroken, and she might be pissed, and she might genuinely believe I failed to see her strength. Which meant finding and talking to her soon was definitely important.
“If you two are to be partners, you have to trust in her ability to –”
“It’s easy for you. You have the Binding link.” She had the reassurance that she’d know instantly if Jared needed her.
“I didn’t have it until after we shut down the baby snatching operation and took care of the Trent brothers. Before then, I was in the same position as you: going into danger with someone I care about – and don’t deny that you care about Ava or I will hurt you – knowing they could be killed and I wouldn’t even be aware of it until it was too late.”
That right there was my biggest fear: failing to protect her.
“Even now, Binding link or not, I have to trust Jared to take care of himself. It’s hard, but it’s the only way to make our working and personal relationship work. You have to do the same with Ava. If you don’t, you’ll keep on hurting her – which I truly believe you hate doing.” Sam got to her feet. “She’s in the Tiki Bar with the girls. Fix it, Salem.”
(Ava)
Stirring my cocktail with the straw, I wondered if I could sneak away without the others noticing. As much as I appreciated that they had brought me here in the hope of cheering me up, there was really no chance of that happening. The fact that Salem and I were at odds left a lead weight in the pit of my stomach. I felt sick and anxious, unsure what to do next, and wondering what was currently going on in Salem’s confusing head.
Maya hopped onto a nearby stool. “You shouldn’t take what he did personally. He’s a guy. Guys are stupid.” She said it so simply that I had to smile.
“I don’t think he meant to hurt you,” soothed Alora. “He cares about you, Ava. He really does. He’s just terrified of anything happening to you. That’s no excuse, I know that. Just like I know the overprotectiveness isn’t easy to deal with. Evan drives me insane sometimes.”
“Chico can be just as bad,” said Jude.
“So can Butch.” Imani’s eyes widened when all our attention fixed on her. “Don’t ask me why, because I don’t have a clue.”
Paige looked pensive. “Yeah, it’s hard to read sociopaths.”
Imani seemed offended on Butch’s behalf. “He’s not a sociopath.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Do you prefer ‘deranged killer’?”
I had to laugh at that.
Smiling, Imani snorted at me. “Like Salem’s much better.”
Just hearing his name was enough to make my amusement evaporate. Bleh.
“Don’t let him get you down,” begged Cassie, patting my knee.
Curling an arm around my shoulders, Alora sighed. “I hate him. He broke you.”
“Can I stab him?” Jude looked totally serious.