She replied with gayety, with playfulness, but there was an effort
in it.
"Oh, you make the matter worse than it is. I suppose all that
troubles you is the blues. But you will never have them again. When
I see them coming on I will sit by you and sing to you. We will
come out here and watch the evening; or you shall read to me, or we
will ramble in the garden--or--a thousand things which shall make
you forget that there was ever such a thing in the world as sorrow."
"Dear Julia--will you do this?"
"More--everything to make you happy." And she drew me closer in her
embrace, and her lips with a tremulous, almost convulsive sweetness,
were pressed upon my forehead; and clinging there, oh! how sweetly
did she weep!
"You will tire of my waywardness--of my exactions. Ah! I shall
force you from my side by my caprice."
"You can not, Edward, if you would," she replied, in mournful
accents like my own, "I have no remedy against you! I have nobody
now to whom to turn. Have I not driven all from my side--all but
you?"
It was my task to soothe her now.
"Nay, Julia, be not you sorrowful. You must continue glad and blest,
that you may conquer my sullen moods, my dark presentiments. When
I tell you of the evils of my temper, I tell you of occasional
clouds only. Heaven forbid that they should give an enduring aspect
to our heavens!"
She responded fervently to my ejaculation. I continued:-"I have only sought to prepare you for the management of my arbitrary
nature, to keep you from suffering too much, and sinking beneath
its exactions. You will bear with me patiently. Forgive me for
my evil hours. Wait till the storm has overblown; and find me your
own, then, as much as before; and let me feel that you are still
mine--that the tempest has not separated our little vessels."
"Will I not? Ah! do not fear for me, Edward. It is a happiness for
me to weep here--here, in your arms. When you are sad and moody,
I will come as now."
"What if I repulse you?"
"You will not--no, no!--you will not."
"But if I do I Suppose---"
"Ah! it is hard to suppose that. But I will not heed it. I will
come again."
"And again?"
"And again!"
"Then you will conquer, Julia. I feel that you will conquer! You
will drive out the devils. Surely, then, I shall be incorrigible
no longer."
Such was my conviction then. I little knew myself.