“I just don’t…” Harper is clearly not on board. But I’m not sure if she’s really worried about the files I keep mentioning, or if it’s about something else. “I don’t think you should do this job, James. I think we can get away. I think we can sneak out somehow.” When I look over, her eyes are darting around like crazy. Like she’s desperate to convince me to do anything but this job.
“Baby, relax. Why are you so worried? This is no big deal.”
“But if we’re being set up, and we all know we’re being set up, then why the hell are we playing along?”
I turn off Superior Avenue and onto Pacific Coast Highway, using my merge into traffic to stall her question. “Look!” Sasha squeals. “It’s the ocean!” She opens her window and the sea air blasts into the Hummer. I flip the AC off and roll down all our windows. It feels so good to let the outside back in after being in the desert these past few days.
“I feel sick,” Harper says. “My stomach, James. I feel sick.”
I rub her leg again. “Relax, Harper. I told you, I’m taking care of things. OK?”
She shakes her head. “Pull over, I’m gonna throw up. Pull over!”
I pull into a restaurant parking lot and park in the shade. Harper opens her door and leans out. She waits, spits a little, but she holds it together.
“What’s wrong, Harper?” Sasha asks, worried.
I look back at Sasha and shush her with a finger to my lips. “Harper,” I say, rubbing her back. “You’re fine. OK? Just relax.”
She leans back in her seat and wipes the perspiration from her forehead. “I don’t want you to do this job, James, I don’t want to go back to HB. I don’t want you to leave me alone. I’m not ready for this.”
God, I feel so f**king guilty.
“You won’t be alone, Harper. I’ll be there too. I have a gun if anyone tries to mess with us. James gave me one of his Five-SeveN’s. It’s kickass!”
“Sasha,” I say sternly. “Do not shoot that thing here, do you understand me? This is Orange County, not the desert.”
“I’m not stupid, James,” she says with an eye roll, like I’m her father and we’re talking about curfew instead of killing people. Fucking girls. They are so emotional. I’m just not used to it. I’ve never worked with so many damn girls. “Harper,” I say to get her attention back and take her mind off her worries. I get out and walk around to her side of the Hummer, slide my sunglasses up onto my forehead, and take her face in my hands. “Just f**king trust me.” I look her in the eyes. “If you give in, let go of whatever’s got you all worked up, and just let me handle things, I promise you. We’ll be fine.”
“And what if I don’t give in to you, James? What if I can’t give in to you? What then?”
“Harper, I’m here no matter what. You don’t have to trust me, but everything I do is for us. You got it? Remember what I said. If I ask you to walk through fire?”
“I’m fireproof,” she says back in a sad voice.
“If I ask you to take a bullet?”
“I’m bulletproof.”
“And if I walk away?” Her eyes are gathering tears but both my thumbs swipe the corners of her eyes before they fall down her cheeks. “What happens if I walk away, Harper?”
She swallows hard and shakes her head no.
“I’ll come back for you, Harp. If I walk away, it’s because I’ll come back for you.”
The tears stream out now and there’s nothing I can do to catch them. “I don’t want you to walk away.”
I lean into her ear and whisper, “I never said I was going to, you crazy woman. It’s a just-in-case scenario.”
She sniffs. “You won’t walk away.”
I shake my head. “I’d have to be torn away, Harp.” I smile at her. “They’d have to tear me away.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.” This eases her fears and I feel her relax in my embrace. “We’re like ten minutes from my house, wanna go check it out?”
“I do!” Sasha says. But I shush her with another finger to my lips.
I close Harper’s door and walk back around to my side, catching a suspicious look from Sasha as I pass her window. Great, I get one on board and the other is immediately suspicious. It’s like these girls are opposite forces, able to see through me, but only one at a time.
“You’re not walking away from me, are you, James?” Sasha asks with a desperate edge to her voice.
I slide my sunglasses down and glance in the rear view. “Never, Smurf. I need you more than you can ever imagine.” And then I shoot her with my finger in the mirror and she smiles.
Chapter Thirty-Two - Harper
I don’t believe him. I do not believe one word he says.
I’m not fireproof.
I’m not bulletproof.
And if he walks away, I will die.
Die.
That will be the end for me, because nothing feels right. My stomach is in knots. My mind is racing with all kinds of scenarios. My body is shaking with fear. If they have those files, then what? What happens to me? And if they don’t, what am I supposed to do? Nothing about this makes any sense. Where is Nick? He said he’d come back for me, just like James. But our year is just about up. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live like this. And the farther we go up PCH, the sicker I feel. My stomach is all over the place. One minute I just want to hurl everything, the next I’m desperate to keep it all inside.