He had encountered no particular trouble since his wife's death, but
his life had been unhappy. He had no friends, much as he longed for
friendship, and he could not give any reasons for his failure. He
saw other persons more successful, but he remained solitary. Their
needs were not so great as his, for it is not those who have the
least but those who have the most to give who most want sympathy. He
had often made advances; people had called on him and had appeared
interested in him, but they had dropped away. The cause was chiefly
to be found in his nationality. The ordinary Englishman disliked him
simply as a Jew, and the better sort were repelled by a lack of
geniality and by his inability to manifest a healthy interest in
personal details. Partly also the cause was that those who care to
speak about what is nearest to them are very rare, and most persons
find conversation easy in proportion to the remoteness of its topics
from them. Whatever the reasons may have been, Baruch now, no matter
what the pressure from within might be, generally kept himself to
himself. It was a mistake and he ought not to have retreated so far
upon repulse. A word will sometimes, when least expected, unlock a
heart, a soul is gained for ever, and at once there is much more than
a recompense for the indifference of years.
After the death of his wife, Baruch's affection spent itself upon his
son Benjamin, whom he had apprenticed to a firm of optical instrument
makers in York. The boy was not very much like his father. He was
indifferent to that religion by which his father lived, but he
inherited an aptitude for mathematics, which was very necessary in
his trade. Benjamin also possessed his father's rectitude, trusted
him, and looked to him for advice to such a degree that even Baruch,
at last, thought it would be better to send him away from home in
order that he might become a little more self-reliant and
independent. It was the sorest of trials to part with him, and, for
some time after he left, Baruch's loneliness was intolerable. It
was, however, relieved by a visit to York perhaps once in four or
five months, for whenever business could be alleged as an excuse for
going north, he managed, as he said, 'to take York on his way.'
The day after he met Clara he started for Birmingham, and although
York was certainly not 'on his way,' he pushed forward to the city
and reached it on a Saturday evening. He was to spend Sunday there,
and on Sunday morning he proposed that they should hear the cathedral
service, and go for a walk in the afternoon. To this suggestion
Benjamin partially assented. He wished to go to the cathedral in the
morning, but thought his father had better rest after dinner. Baruch
somewhat resented the insinuation of possible fatigue consequent on
advancing years.