"The hell she wouldn't! I live with the bitch; I know what she is capable of," Steve said. It was decided that it was Janice's problem to return the old lady in time for her viewing the next afternoon. "Let's get the coffin back," Steve Lucas said pushing out a loud belch. As Count pulled out of Fernwood our worries dissipated out the truck's open windows like Steve Lucas's gas.
For three blocks we enjoyed the cool air. Steve farted again as the red and blue lights of a police car snuck behind the casket totting pickup truck.
"Oh fuck, we're toast!" Count mumbled pulling the truck to the side of Cemetery Street. The cab was suddenly awash in the police car's spotlight Its glare reflected off the side-view mirrors. "Let me do the talking," Count said shielding his eyes.
Shannie grabbed my hand. Her pulse throbbed. The imposing officer's shadow loomed over us and onto the parked cars as he strutted to the driver side window. The crackle of the police radio echoed across the night. Steve Lucas farted again, Shannie punched his arm. "Sorry," Steve Lucas whispered. " I can't help it." As I stuck my nose towards the open window, I noticed eyes peering around the curtained window of nearby house. Shannie fidgeted on my lap.
"May I see your driver's license, registration card, and proof of insurance," the cop said. I noticed the cop immediately. He was a monster of a man, the equal of Mr. Lightman, except he didn't have the friendly demeanor of the Bear. I had the impression he would rather bludgeon someone with his nightstick than give directions to the seven-eleven.
"What's the problem," Count asked, adding after a brief pause, "Sir." He handed the giant cop his particulars. The cop didn't bother to checking them. I watched the giant shadow's arm drape over the parked cars, it's hand resting on the rear windshield of the car in front of us - dangling close to its holstered weapon.
"Cut the shit Junior!" the cop said. "Why don't you tell me."
"We're returning the casket we borrowed from his dad," Count nodded at Steve Lucas.
"Is that so?" the officer -whom Count once dubbed 'Big Dick, Bradigan'- asked.
"Yes sir," Steve Lucas said. "I have permission from my father…"
"Shut up Boy!" Big Dick Bradigan ordered. He leaned into the open window. "If I wanted to hear from an asshole I would have farted. It seems your father," the cop nodded at Steve Lucas - who cringed and farted yet again - "reported a missing corpse. Now, we wouldn't happen to know anything about this, would we?"