"I'm looking forward to going out with them," Steve told me at the parlor the previous day. "God knows I can use some feminine insight. Who knows better about getting into some bitches pants than a couple of dykes."
"It's getting so bad," Steve said over diner, "that I don't tell a prospective date I'm an undertaker. It freaks 'em out. Especially when I tell them my last name. One bitch asked me if I'm a necrophiliac. Can you believe that? That was the closet I've ever come to hitting a woman. I'm still living under the curse of my old man. I mean the bastard was a, well, he was a bastard; but he was no necrophiliac."
"Did James tell you that he wanted to piss on your old man's grave?" Shannie cried. She was drunk. Genise burst into laughter, spraying a mouthful of salad onto the table.
"I wish he would of. The whole thing pisses me off."
"It pisses him off," Shannie howled. Laughing at Steve's pun as only a drunk could.
"Want a woman's insight? Genise asked. "You need to think like a porcupine. When you sniff around a piece, and she's hot and bothered, start the fun by pissing on her."
"Ewwwwww," Shannie cried. "Golden showers aren't for me. Maybe that's why I don't like being pricked." The three of them laughed.
"What about you James?" Genise asked. "Piss and tell."
Genise had guts going there. I stared into Genise's deep brown eyes. She fidgeted before smiling at Shannie.
"I don't piss and tell." I noticed Steve glance from me to Genise and back again.
"Come on James," Genise said. "You got to have a good story in there.
"Nope."
"What about that brunette?" Shannie asked. "The one you met on the Internet. You were getting hot and heavy. Come on, inquiring minds want to know!"
"Yeah, come on James," Genise aped.
"Yeah Morrison," Steve piled on.
"What's there to know?" I stonewalled.
"If you're still an item," Shannie retorted.
"Nope, we were never an item."
"You weren't saying that when you were banging Nancy," Steve accused.
"Clancy," I corrected.
"She's the one who said you're in your thirteenth life," Shannie giggled.
"Thirtieth," I couldn't hold back my smile. Just before Thanksgiving, Clancy said I was her cosmic white knight. That I showed up throughout her lifetimes in times of need. That it was my destiny to help her through her current lifetime's crisis. "So let me get this straight, my sole purpose is to travel across the ages to help you through tough times." "Something like that," Clancy answered in her raspy voice. "You need meds," I'd told Clancy matter-of-factly.