* * * * * Her mind was somewhat easier when this letter was written, because she thought it a duty, yet felt reluctance in performing it. She wished to have represented to him strongly the danger of Delvile's hearing her distress, but she knew so well his inordinate self-sufficiency, she feared a hint of that sort might be construed into an insult, and concluded her only chance that he would do any thing, was by leaving wholly to his own suggestions the weighing and settling what.
But though nothing was more uncertain than whether she should be received at Delvile Castle, nothing was more fixed than that she must quit her own house, since the pride of Mr Delvile left not even a chance that his interest would conquer it. She deferred not, therefore, any longer making preparations for her removal, though wholly unsettled whither.
Her first, which was also her most painful task, was to acquaint Henrietta with her situation: she sent, therefore, to desire to speak with her, but the countenance of Henrietta shewed her communication would not surprise her.
"What is the matter with my dear Henrietta?" cried Cecilia; "who is it has already afflicted that kind heart which I am now compelled to afflict for myself?"
Henrietta, in whom anger appeared to be struggling with sorrow, answered, "No, madam, not afflicted for you! it would be strange if I were, thinking as I think!"
"I am glad," said Cecilia, calmly, "if you are not, for I would give to you, were it possible, nothing but pleasure and joy."
"Ah madam!" cried Henrietta, bursting into tears, "why will you say so when you don't care what becomes of me! when you are going to cast me off!--and when you will soon be too happy ever to think of me more!"
"If I am never happy till then," said Cecilia, "sad, indeed, will be my life! no, my gentlest friend, you will always have your share in my heart; and always, to me, would have been the welcomest guest in my house, but for those unhappy circumstances which make our separating inevitable."
"Yet you suffered me, madam, to hear from any body that you was married and going away; and all the common servants in the house knew it before me."
"I am amazed!" said Cecilia; "how and which way can they have heard it?"
"The man that went to Mr Eggleston brought the first news of it, for he said all the servants there talked of nothing else, and that their master was to come and take possession here next Thursday."
Cecilia started at this most unwelcome intelligence; "Yet you envy me," she cried, "Henrietta, though I am forced from my house! though in quitting it, I am unprovided with any other, and though him for whom I relinquish it, is far off, without means of protecting, or power of returning to me!"