“Suit yourself.” Amanda tipped back her head, downing the drink, as soon as the server left. She practically tossed the shot glass back on the table and turned, her frown becoming a scowl as she went right back to watching Theresa and Noah.
I had covered for her earlier, pretending I’d been missing Carter as I watched the two¸ but now, my eyes narrowed. Maybe it was her. She was missing her boyfriend. Then I thought, fuck it for the second time that night and prepared to go in.
“You’re still seeing him?” I began.
She leveled her eyes on me. “What?”
“You know what I’m talking about.” I raised my chin and squared my shoulders. This was going to be talked about, whether she wanted to or not. “You’re still seeing him?”
“Was I supposed to break up with him?”
I ignored that. “You haven’t told Theresa?” I knew she hadn’t.
Her eyes narrowed. “Where is this going?”
“You’re not a nasty bitch.”
Her head reared back slightly.
“But you’re acting like one right now,” I added, holding steady.
Her mouth fell open, just a little bit. “Excuse me?”
“What’s your problem? And don’t lie to me. You might be living with Theresa, but I know you better, and I know you’re not like this. What’s going on?”
“Who do you think you are—”
I cut her off, shooting forward so I was halfway across the table and almost in her face. “Your friend. Your family. That’s who I am.”
“And you? What about you?” she countered.
I sat back, frowning. “What about me?”
“We’re all in this mess because of your guy. He’s in the mafia—”
“No, he’s not.” He was.
She rolled her eyes. “Stop, Emma. He still is. You’re the only one trying to fool yourself into believing he’s out. Theresa’s so scared that something will happen to you because of him.”
“I went to him. I did. Because of Mallory. Because of what I had done. Me. He didn’t pull me into this life. Remember that.”
“But you’re still in, because of him, and where is he? You two hardly go a night without seeing each other, and Theresa told me he hasn’t been around since they got here five days ago. Where is he, Emma?”
I couldn’t answer that. All I could do was shake my head. “This wasn’t a problem before.”
“No,” she sighed, losing some of her fight. “That’s the thing. You’re not leaving him. No matter what, we all know that’s the bottom line. You’re tied to that life, and that means we’re tied to it, too.”
“Noah is friends with Carter, too—”
“But he would pull away. For Theresa, he would pull away. It’s one of the reasons she’s scared to move in with him, because of his connection to Carter.”
I stopped. Amanda’s response was so quick. She was so certain, and there was truth in that statement. I saw it on her face. She wasn’t looking away. They’ve talked about it. I sat back, blinking a few times. It made sense. Theresa had confided in me about Noah. Amanda confided about her new boyfriend. I shouldn’t have been surprised that they’d confided in each other about me.
“Theresa didn’t tell me that,” I murmured.
Amanda shrugged. “There are other reasons, I’m sure, but I know that’s one of them.”
“Noah said that?”
She nodded. “He said that to her one time, and she told me. He’s already pulled away from Carter. Haven’t you noticed?”
I hadn’t. Carter had been so busy with Cole and the Mauricio family. “Their friendship is none of our business. They still train together.”
“Not for a month. Noah stopped going in the mornings. He said Carter’s been gone, and since we’re all in New York, I thought he’d be here. Where is he, Emma?”
I laughed, and the sound was bitter. “What is this? A Carter intervention?”
“Maybe it should be,” she shot back, but then let out an exasperated sound and looked away. As she did, she wiped away a tear. Her fight was completely gone now, and instead, she just looked sad.
“Is that what you want? You want me to leave him?” I asked.
She didn’t look at me. She glanced down at her lap and shook her head. “No. I know that’s not fair. I know everything you said is right. Carter wasn’t in your life until you needed him, and it’s not fair. Now that you love him, you can’t leave him. I’m sorry. I just—I blame him sometimes.”
“Why?”
“Because…” Another tear fell. “Because if there was no Carter, I could be with Brian.”
New understanding dawned. This was about her and her boyfriend. None of this was about Theresa and Noah, but about Carter and me. And her and Brian. My hand fell from the table to my lap. It hit with a thud, and that’s how I was feeling—a bus had hit me.
“Are you thinking of leaving him?” I had considered pulling away from her, but never that she would leave him.
“I have to, don’t I?” Her eyes raised to mine. The pain in there was like a second swift punch. I hadn’t seen her like this since she’d found out Mallory was dead.
“Amanda,” I sighed.
She shook her head. “Stop. I’ve gone over this, over and over in my head, and that’s the only thing I can see as an out. I knew about your relationship with Carter before I fell in love with Brian. I knew it was wrong. I tried to stop it, but I let it happen anyway. This is on me. I should’ve banned him from the store, but, Emma…” Her voice dropped, and I could barely hear her. “I was so lonely and he was so…” She sucked in a breath of air and used both hands to wipe her face. “It’s the only way out. I have to leave him. I have to do it now before…” Another statement she couldn’t finish, but I didn’t blame her. She asked me, “You haven’t said anything to Carter?”