Okay, that was fair. It was a long moment before she spoke. “I was a twin. An identical twin. My sister, Mika…she died in the womb.”
His eyes fell closed, and he cursed. He took one of her hands in his. “Baby, I’m sorry.”
“Even then, before we were born, we’d bonded. That probably sounds dramatic and impossible. But it’s no different from saying that babies can hear their parents’ voices from the womb and can find them soothing. Mika and I had each other all those months. As I was growing up, that ‘empty’ feeling was always there. That feeling of being alone.” She smiled as a memory came to her. “When I was little, I used to pretend that Taryn was my twin.”
The image of a small version of Shaya feeling so lost and empty that she used her friend as a substitute sister almost broke his heart. “I’ll bet Taryn was happy to be part of that game.”
Shaya’s smile widened. “Yeah, she was. She never had any siblings, so we both got a lot of fun out of that little fantasy.” Her smile faded as she continued. “But maybe I would have coped a lot better if it hadn’t been for what happened when I was four.”
It was a struggle for Nick to keep his voice even when anger was riding him at the idea of anything hurting her. “What happened, Shay?”
“For the first four years of my life, my parents and I didn’t live on pack territory. The Alpha—Taryn’s dad, Lance—didn’t approve of my mom mating a human, even though my dad was her true mate. So they lived in a house close by. But my parents…See, my dad was a Navy SEAL, so he went away a lot. My mom wasn’t very good at handling it—not that I can blame her. It must have been hard. Every weekend, she’d go out with her friends to bars and clubs. She used to leave me alone in the house while she went, even when I was little.”
Leave a child alone? “But surely there were members of your pack who would happily have taken care of you while she was gone.”
“Of course there were. But she liked leaving me there alone because she knew I didn’t like to be alone. She liked to hurt me. Maybe it was that when she looked at me, she always remembered that there should have been two of me. Or maybe it was because she felt my dad paid more attention to me than to her when he was home. Or maybe it’s just because she is, naturally, a very self-centered person.” And a hypochondriac, to boot. “Your guess is as good as mine.”
Keeping his touch gentle was a struggle, but he managed it for her, massaging her hand with both of his. “Go on.”
“I remember I used to sit on the stairs, crying, waiting for her to come home. Sometimes I’d fall asleep like that. Other times I’d stay awake until she was back. But one Friday night she went out…and she didn’t come home that night. Or the next night. Or the next night. The longer she stayed away, the more I panicked—not just because I was alone, but because I was really worried that something bad had happened to her, that she’d been hurt or worse.”
Her pain was so deep it felled him. His wolf growled, hating it. “Shay, what happened to her?” Her answer surprised him.
“Nothing. She was fine. She’d stayed away because she wanted to—she was laughing at how shook up I was. I swear, Nick, by the time she got back I felt like the walls were going to close in on me.” When he pulled her onto his lap and held her tight to him, she didn’t fight him. She melted against him and greedily took that comfort. “My dad hit the roof when I told him. I wasn’t supposed to tell him, but I was so angry with her that I did. He insisted we all move to pack territory, because he wanted to be sure that I was safe whenever he was away. Lance didn’t want us to move there, but Taryn’s mom raged at him until he allowed it. Then I met Taryn, and I was never alone again after that.”
Nick exhaled a long breath. “Shit.” And now he understood just how badly he had hurt her by not claiming her, by abandoning her—even if he believed he’d done it for the right reasons. “I really did f**k up big-time, didn’t I?”
“That’s not the only thing I’ve kept from you.” Pulling back to meet his gaze, she nibbled on her lip. “I’m a salient submissive.”
Nick’s brows almost hit his hairline. Salient shifters could be dominant or submissive and were very rare and unique in that they existed near the periphery of dominant and submissive. The fact that they were almost a perfect blend of both gave them an advantage over all shifters—their submission couldn’t be forced. Even Nick, despite how powerful an Alpha he was, could be forced to submit if the dominant vibes being directed at him were powerful enough to do it. But neither salient submissives nor salient dominants could have their submission forced…which explained why Taryn had looked shifty when Nick mentioned that dominant females could defeat Shaya simply by throwing their dominant vibes at her. As it was, such an attack would have no effect on her.
It didn’t change any of his worries about her safety as an Alpha female, but it at least meant that she couldn’t be intimidated into submitting. “You must be proud to be a salient submissive.”
“I often wonder if it means Mika would have been a salient dominant.” Watching as his brow creased, she asked, “Another headache?”
He shook his head. “No. I hate hearing pain and tears in your voice. It cuts through me. You’re not ever allowed to cry. Ever. I really can’t take it when you cry.”
“There’s something I don’t get. If you’re so worried about whether you’re truly healed, what made you come here? What changed?”
“I found out you’d gone. The idea that I’d never see you again, never get to touch you…It made me realize just how important you are to me. All of a sudden, all that other shit fell away, faded into the background. My pack, my issues…they didn’t seem significant anymore. And that’s because, compared to you, they’re not.” He cocked his head as he studied her intently. “Have you really been happy these six past months, Shay? Really?”
“If I said I was…?” She wasn’t, of course.
“I’d still want the chance to see if you can be happier with me.” When wariness entered her expression, he kept one arm tightly locked around her while sliding his free hand through her hair and around to her nape. He squeezed lightly, as if it would help him get through to her. “You can trust me.” He dabbed a light kiss on her neck. His wolf growled in approval as her scent washed over him. “You can trust me.” He dabbed another kiss on her neck and then licked his way to the hollow beneath her ear. He scraped his teeth over the spot and then sucked at it. Releasing a soft moan, she dug her fingers into his shoulder, and he thought she’d shove him away. She didn’t. “I’ll never leave you again, Shay.”