I might have told you of the beginning of this liaison in a few lines,
but I wanted you to see every step by which we came, I to agree to
whatever Marguerite wished, Marguerite to be unable to live apart from
me.
It was the day after the evening when she came to see me that I sent her
Manon Lescaut.
From that time, seeing that I could not change my mistress's life, I
changed my own. I wished above all not to leave myself time to think
over the position I had accepted, for, in spite of myself, it was a
great distress to me. Thus my life, generally so calm, assumed all
at once an appearance of noise and disorder. Never believe, however
disinterested the love of a kept woman may be, that it will cost one
nothing. Nothing is so expensive as their caprices, flowers, boxes at
the theatre, suppers, days in the country, which one can never refuse to
one's mistress.
As I have told you, I had little money. My father was, and still is,
receveur general at C. He has a great reputation there for loyalty,
thanks to which he was able to find the security which he needed in
order to attain this position.
It is worth forty thousand francs a year, and during the ten years that
he has had it, he has paid off the security and put aside a dowry for
my sister. My father is the most honourable man in the world. When
my mother died, she left six thousand francs a year, which he divided
between my sister and myself on the very day when he received his
appointment; then, when I was twenty-one, he added to this little income
an annual allowance of five thousand francs, assuring me that with
eight thousand francs a year I might live very happily at Paris, if, in
addition to this, I would make a position for myself either in law or
medicine. I came to Paris, studied law, was called to the bar, and, like
many other young men, put my diploma in my pocket, and let myself drift,
as one so easily does in Paris.
My expenses were very moderate; only I used up my year's income in
eight months, and spent the four summer months with my father, which
practically gave me twelve thousand francs a year, and, in addition, the
reputation of a good son. For the rest, not a penny of debt.
This, then, was my position when I made the acquaintance of Marguerite.
You can well understand that, in spite of myself, my expenses soon
increased. Marguerite's nature was very capricious, and, like so many
women, she never regarded as a serious expense those thousand and one
distractions which made up her life. So, wishing to spend as much time
with me as possible, she would write to me in the morning that she would
dine with me, not at home, but at some restaurant in Paris or in the
country. I would call for her, and we would dine and go on to the
theatre, often having supper as well; and by the end of the evening I
had spent four or five louis, which came to two or three thousand francs
a month, which reduced my year to three months and a half, and made it
necessary for me either to go into debt or to leave Marguerite. I would
have consented to anything except the latter.