Her brow furrowed again and she pushed up so she could see his eyes. So serious and intent. On her. Watching her every reaction.
“What is it, Ash?” she asked. “What is it you think is going to hurt me?”
He sighed. “Don’t know if it will or not, but it could. If you don’t understand it from the start. I just don’t want you blindsided. If you’re prepared and you know everything, then it doesn’t have the power to catch you off guard.”
She reached up to touch his jaw, running her fingertips over the slight stubble. He hadn’t shaved this morning, and the dark blond formed a shadow on his jaw.
“Then tell me. I’ll understand.”
He caught her hand and kissed it, pressing his mouth into her palm.
“Jace Crestwell is my best friend. He and Gabe Hamilton. But Jace . . . We share a bond. Gabe is my best friend, no doubt. But Jace and I have always had a closer friendship. He’s my brother in every sense of the word. I trust him. He has my back and I have his. Always. We used to share everything, and by that I mean women. I’ve had a lot of threesomes over the years with Jace.”
Her brow crinkled, her eyebrows bunching as she stared into his eyes. And to think she’d been worried that she’d be expected to share him with other women. This she hadn’t expected. She couldn’t imagine as possessive as Ash had been with her so far that he’d want her to have sex with another man while he watched or participated. Furthermore, it wasn’t something she wanted.
“Is that something . . . I mean, is that what you’ll want to do with me? Share me with another man?”
“Fuck no.”
The denial was explosive, the words rushing from his mouth in a puff of air she felt on her chin. Relief hit her hard and she relaxed, waiting for him to continue.
“I didn’t get it then,” he muttered. “How Jace was with Bethany. I didn’t understand it. But I do now.”
“You’re losing me,” she said patiently. “I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”
“As I said, Jace is my best friend. He’s involved with Bethany. They’re engaged. We’ll see them a lot. I’ll want to share you with them. Their friendship I mean. They’re important to me and you’re important to me. So we’ll spend time with them. And what you need to know is that in the beginning, the first night that Jace and Bethany were together, I was with them.”
Her eyes widened. “Are you . . . do you still have . . . threesomes . . . with them?”
Ash shook his head. “Hell no. Jace didn’t want it the first time. I didn’t know it at the time. It’s fucked up and complicated, but what you need to know is that I’ve had sex with Bethany. And you’ll see her. And Jace. And I don’t want it to be awkward for you. It was awkward as hell the first few times we were all together after that night. But we’re cool with it now. Bethany’s cool with it and so is Jace. It’s not something that gets brought up. But it’s there. And I don’t want it to hurt you when you look at her and know that I’ve had sex with her. Because there’s nothing there, Josie. Nothing but deep friendship. Bethany’s a great woman. I think you’ll like her. But she is no threat to you.”
“I understand,” she said quietly. “I appreciate you telling me. Being up front with me about it. I can see how it would be awkward, especially if I didn’t know and somehow put my foot in my mouth in front of them.”
His gaze focused on her, studying her intently. “Is that going to be a problem with you? Spending time with a woman I’ve fucked and that I care a great deal about?”
“Not if you tell me it shouldn’t be a problem for me.”
He shook his head. “No, it’s not a problem. Like I said, I didn’t get where Jace was coming from then. His possessiveness where Bethany was concerned. We’d never had a woman come between us like that. There’d never been one who mattered. But I get it now because I know I don’t want to share you with anyone, and especially not my best friend, even if he was single and not in a relationship. And as for other men, that is not something you ever have to worry about. I’ve had threesomes with Jace and another woman. A hell of a lot of times. I won’t lie. We’ve fucked our way through countless women over the years. It’s not something I’m proud of but it’s not something I lose sleep over either. It is what it is. But there will be no threesomes with you, Josie. It’s only going to be you and me. I’m going to be the only man making love to you from now on.”
It all sounded so final, and yet she knew they were just words. How could they be anything else? They’d known each other such a short time. They’d only had sex once. And he was talking like this was a done deal. That they were permanent and in a committed relationship long-term.
While she didn’t doubt his commitment, or even her own, there was no way she could look down the road with any authority. There were too many what-ifs.
“Now tell me what you’re thinking,” he prompted.
She smiled. “I’m not sure how you expected me to react, Ash. Did you think I’d change my mind because you’ve had kinky sex with a bunch of women? You’re what, thirty-five? Thirty-six? It’s not realistic to think you hadn’t had affairs.”
“I’m thirty-eight. Almost thirty-nine,” he corrected.
“Okay, well, so you’re thirty-eight. I’ve just told you that I had a relationship—and sex—with a man as recently as a few weeks ago. I can hardly condemn you for having similar relationships.”
“But we won’t be seeing the man you fucked,” Ash pointed out.
She sighed. “I won’t say it’ll be fun to look at her and mentally compare our performance, or even imagine you and your friend both making love to her. But I’ll deal, Ash. And if she’s as nice as you say she is, then I’ll like her and hopefully we can be friends. I’ll just have to not torture myself by visualizing you in bed with her.”
“It was only one time,” he said gruffly. “Don’t want you thinking about it at all when we get together. Because know this, Josie, no matter who was in the past, you’re my present and my future. And those women have nothing on you.”
A smile curved her lips and she leaned in, pressing her forehead to his. “I’ll do my best not to think about it at all, then.”
“Good. Now, it’s almost lunchtime and we still need to sort out your apartment. Want to go grab a bite to eat and then swing by your apartment so you can get all your art supplies? If you make a list of stuff while we’re there, I’ll have someone go over and get it all packed for you. Don’t want you worrying about anything other than settling into my place.”
“That sounds fine to me,” she said.