She made a sweet and hot noise in the back of her throat and the only thing that stopped me from tumbling her back in the car and crawling all over her was the fact that her phone rang from somewhere in the car, which shattered the moment and had her pulling free of my demanding lips and grasping hands with a gasp. Her eyes were wide and rushing pure liquid blue like a mountain stream. Her lips were strawberry-stained, damp and plumped up in an inviting way, as she pushed at my chest a little, encouraging me to give her some space.
“I have more meetings and another court appearance today. I have to go.” She tried to turn her face away from mine, but I put my finger under her chin and kept her gaze locked with my own. I leaned forward and lightly brushed my lips across her cheek. I was rewarded by the way she shivered all along where we were pressed together.
I couldn’t stop the rushed words from falling out of my mouth as she made every effort to leave. “If you’ve never done a one-night stand, and if you aren’t the type to fuck and run, then you owe me another night, Sayer. Let me take you on a real date.”
She blinked at me like a regal-looking owl for a minute and then reluctantly shook her head no. “I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”
“Why not?” If she threw our working relationship up between us like a wall I was going to smash through it with my bare hands. I knew the barrier was there, but I could see the longing and hesitancy in her gaze, so I knew the thing wasn’t built to last or to withstand my determination. I narrowed my eyes at her as she pushed me back even farther and moved her hands to the top of the car door like she was going to shut it and close me out. I put my hands over the top of hers and leaned in so that we were almost nose-to-nose and repeated, “Why not?”
She sighed and looked down as her phone rang again. “Because who I am around you isn’t the person I normally am. When I’m with you someone else seems to take over my body and brain, but eventually the real me is going to show up and I can’t imagine she’s someone you’re going to want to spend time with. I don’t even like to hang out with her most of the time. We had the one date you promised, the one date I dreamed about forever, and it was the best date I’ve ever had. It was perfect and I want to keep the memory of that forever and not risk messing everything up by giving you the opportunity to see what I’m really like. It’s what’s best for both of us in the long run.”
I was so stunned by her response I loosened my grip on the door, which allowed her to fold her tall frame into the driver’s seat and pull the door shut. She looked at me through the glass that separated us as I watched her dumbly. She gave a little wave and pulled out of the spot like she hadn’t just knocked me stupid with her words.
The real her? What kind of nonsense was that? I knew all about her, the girl in the frozen kingdom that was forged of silk and steel. I knew that the girl could burn white hot and smolder when she forgot that she wasn’t supposed to react to me as a man. Just her “client,” my ass. I had the memories and the hard-on to prove otherwise.
My mind was whirling from the high of my appearance in court and from the low of Sayer’s rejection. One thing was clear: getting my son in my life on a permanent basis wasn’t the only thing that was going to take a hell of a lot of work on my end. If I wanted the girl, whatever version of her I could get my hands on, then I was going to have to fight for her as well. I swore under my breath as I headed back toward the International. She was made of more than soft and hard things. Made of more than fire and ice. She had rivers and valleys of scars and damage that ran so deep and wide inside of her that I wondered if she even recognized what they were since they had taken so long to reach the surface. I could see them through the perfect veneer she liked to hold up for the world, and none of it scared me. A little wear and tear, even when it was on someone’s heart and soul, wasn’t worth walking away from what I knew could be the most important restoration project of my life.
CHAPTER 11
Sayer
After that day in court—or rather what transpired outside after the hearing—I worked like a madwoman, burying myself in cases so I wouldn’t think about Zeb. Still, even though it had nothing to do with me or my job, I found myself wanting to check in on Hyde and see how he was adjusting to spending more time with Zeb. Somewhere during the last many weeks, the little guy had fully slipped under my defenses and was rubbing up on the opposite side of my hidden heart right across from his father.
Hyde’s foster mother was a nice woman and let me swing by when I was finished at the office for the day. Her house was tidy, considering she had around seven kids under her roof, and I could see that Zeb’s son had genuine affection for her. I couldn’t help but smile when he immediately took my hand like we were forever friends and dragged me into the kitchen so that he could show me all the cool things he had learned to build with the Legos Zeb had bought him. It only took a glance to see that his father had clearly been adding to the collection. There were Legos as far as the eye could see.
It made my heart thump so heavy and loud I could no longer ignore its existence. It was there, demanding to be seen and heard no matter how badly I wanted to keep ignoring it.
“Want to build a castle?”
“Sure. Let’s build a castle.” I sat at the table for twenty minutes moving blocks around with him, forgetting my reason for being there and just enjoying his infectious, youthful enthusiasm, when I looked over at the rather impressive structure he had in front of him. It was tall and colorful and seemed surprisingly sturdy for something built by such small hands. “You did a good job with that, kiddo.”
Hyde beamed up at me and I wanted to hug him to me and never let him go.
“Zeb showed me how. He said you can build as tall as the sky as long as the foundation is solid.”
I jolted at the reminder of why I had told myself I was here. “Zeb is a smart guy and he would know all about building things to make them last. Sounds like you have fun with him.”
The little boy looked up at me with familiar green eyes and his gap-toothed grin widened. “I get to see Zeb a lot now. It’s neat. He always plays with me and I get to ride in his truck.”
I sighed a little, propped my elbow on the table, and put my chin in my hand. “He does have a very cool truck.”
Hyde laughed and the sound wrapped around me more tightly than the past ever could. That sound alone was more validation that I was where I was supposed to be and doing what I was supposed to be doing than a kind word from my father ever could have been. I didn’t ever think much about kids of my own but this kid, this kid with his shaggy dark hair and forest-colored eyes, I couldn’t imagine a future without his happiness and joy being a part of it. He was going to have a shot. He was going to have love. He was going to be accepted and forgiven throughout his lifetime, and that was everything. I would never have been able to be a part of that if I hadn’t acted out of character, hadn’t embraced my desperation for something more than I had, and come to Colorado.