Nope, despite my best effort to keep a lid on them, my feelings, where Zeb Fuller was concerned, were leaking out through every crack they could find in my icy exterior. They were oozing, flowing, liquid, and as hot as lava all over me.
I was heated up and flushed thinking about it and annoyed that he had seen all of me on display and I had gotten only a fleeting glimpse of his wide, tattooed chest, his narrow hips, and the line of dark hair that dusted below his belly button and pointed right at his cock. That was something else I wanted to see. He felt huge but I wanted to touch it, put my hands and mouth on it, and see if my impression was correct or if it had just been the position he had me in. I wanted to know him inside and out the way it felt like he now knew me. All the guys before him had been careful, deliberate . . . boring. Just like I was. They didn’t fuck and neither did I . . . well, neither did I before last night. Another new part of me to be terrified of and that I needed to try and control before she got me into trouble.
I sighed and fought the urge to fan myself with my hand. I was supposed to be working on forgetting about last night, not reliving every caress, imagining every growled sound of satisfaction over and over again. Working my way out of this problem was proving to be particularly difficult and it was putting me in a bad mood. I’d spent a lifetime having no moods and here I was turning into a basket case because of a boy. My father’s scorn would have whipped across me like a thousand lashes if he could have seen me now.
I wondered if Rowdy could tell because I saw him exchange a look with his beautiful girlfriend and then he dipped his chin down in a little nod at whatever unspoken communication passed between the two of them. That kind of connection, that tie to another person, seemed so dangerous to me that it made my heart squeeze painfully tight in my chest. They could hurt one another with such ease.
“No work this weekend. We wanted everyone to get together so that we could all celebrate.” Salem’s voice was husky with emotion, so I sat up straighter in my seat and looked between her and Poppy.
“Celebrate what?” I assumed it was the fact that Poppy was out and about in the world, well on her way to reclaiming her life as her own, but the spark in Salem’s dark eyes and the tender way Rowdy reached over to put his hand on her leg spoke to something larger than that. I felt my mouth fall open and my hands clapped together as soon as the words “We’re having a baby” came out of her scarlet-painted mouth.
“I knew it!” I leaned as far forward as my seat belt would allow to try to hug her, and settled for smacking Rowdy on the shoulder so he didn’t wreck the car if I strangled him in my excitement. “I knew it was coming and I’m so excited for you guys.”
I looked over at Poppy and felt the smile on my face dull slightly at how pale and panicked she looked as she huddled in the corner. I reached out a hand and immediately pulled it away when she flinched. “It’s great news, right, Poppy? We’re going to be aunties!” I loved kids. Loved their innocence and joy. I loved that for the most part they hadn’t been tainted by the atrocities the world could level at them. It was part of the reason I went into family law against my father’s very clear wishes. Kids who didn’t have the luxury of being innocent didn’t have a shot because the adults around them were twisted and broken. Those kids needed someone to fight for them. They needed an advocate . . . just like I had when I was little and alone with a mentally unstable mother and an emotionally unavailable father. I had no one, so I was going to be that someone whenever I could for any child who came my way.
The young woman nodded woodenly and I could see the sadness start to engulf the joy in Salem’s midnight-colored eyes as she watched her sister’s reaction to the happy news.
“Poppy . . .” Poppy jerked at the sound of her name and I watched her gulp a few times and suck in a few deep breaths. She put a shaky hand on her chest and looked away from her sister so that she was staring right at me instead.
“It’s okay. I’m okay. I just need a minute.” A tumultuous smile moved across her stiff mouth. “I’m happy for you, I really am. It’s just a big change and it reminds me of . . .” She trailed off and Salem gave a stiff nod.
“I knew it was going to be a little rough for you to hear. That’s why Rowdy and I wanted to do it with just the family and someplace that wasn’t tied to any bad memories. I know you’re happy for us, Poppy, even if it hurts you to feel that way.”
Poppy could only nod stiffly and I watched her drift back inside herself and the memories that weighed her down, which was heartbreaking considering how far she had come in the last few months. I didn’t know every single detail of Poppy’s past beyond the abuse, abduction, and extremely violent and physical end to her own personal nightmare at the hands of her ex-husband. From her reaction to Rowdy and Salem’s news, there must have been other tragic chapters to her story that I wasn’t aware of. It made the fact that she was making so much progress even more impressive and the fact that she had shut back down and folded in on herself once again that much sadder.
We made the rest of the trip in relative silence. I decided it was for the best to let Poppy work through what she was thinking and feeling on her own while Salem and Rowdy carried on a low-voiced conversation in the front of the vehicle. Feeling the oppression of everyone else’s emotions made my skin too tight and the air in the car thick and heavy. I turned my phone back on and gave an audible sigh because even though I didn’t want to feel, I did, and I was relieved that there was a missed text message from Zeb on the screen. All it said was:
See you on Monday.
But it was enough to loosen the tightness in my chest and to have the air trapped in my lungs moving more freely.
I couldn’t decide what to send back to him. Everything I thought of seemed too personal, too involved, so I decided on:
Yes you will.
I left it at that and focused on spending the weekend with my family and appreciating the fact that we were growing and getting more people to love and protect. It took Poppy the rest of the ride, checking into the swanky hotel and spa, getting settled into the room we were sharing, to break free from the zombielike state she had been in.
Once we were alone in the room she sank to the edge of the bed, looked me dead in the eye, and told me about the baby she had lost when she was just a teenager. I knew she and Rowdy had been close when they were younger, but I hadn’t known my brother fancied himself in love with the wrong Cruz sister for most of his youth. He was so convinced that Poppy was the one that he followed her to college and then had lost his scholarship when he attacked the father of Poppy’s unborn baby because the guy had hurt her and caused her to miscarry. After Rowdy left her and school, she moved back home to her parents because she was alone and afraid, which then ultimately led to her ending up in the abusive hands of her ex. The poor thing had been abused by more than one man who claimed to love her, which made her hesitation around the opposite sex all the more clear to me as the words came pouring out of her.