No, he was tired of waiting for others to take care of things for him.
Josiah pushed off the bed and slipped his feet into shoes. He hadn't left this room for days, drifting away like he had when he was a kid, alone in San Francisco for the first time. He wasn’t eighteen years old anymore. He’d grown since then, and it was time he acted like it.
Josiah climbed onto a bus, silently riding it across town. His first stop was the bank. He picked up the paperwork he needed to apply for a start-up business loan and made an appointment with their loan specialist.
Next he went to talk to a realtor about spaces he could rent. Even if the loan did work out, he knew he wouldn’t get a lot. He wasn’t stupid, and knew he wouldn’t be able to afford much, but none of that mattered. He just wanted something that was his. And he wanted to do it for himself.
When he was done, he stopped by Fisherman’s Roast to make out the schedule for the next two weeks. There was stuff to be done, and he’d do it. No more falling apart. That didn’t mean he felt any less broken. It didn’t mean Tristan or Mateo ever left his mind. They were always with him.
Chapter Seven
Mateo
When Mateo walked away from the busy street and toward the sidewalk close to the water, he saw Tristan already standing there. He was next to a faded bench, his back to Mateo. He almost turned around and left. It was probably the smart thing to do. What in the hell was he doing spending time with the man, anyway? It didn’t make any sense. He’d always known him and Jay were nothing alike. It was like that times a hundred when it came to Josiah’s pretty boy.
But then, he didn’t want to walk away, either. He was curious about Josiah’s guy. He got what Jay saw in him. He was sexy and put together. Yeah, he definitely got the attraction part of it, but his interest in Tristan didn’t go any farther than that, except where Josiah was concerned. Or maybe he really meant his interest shouldn’t have gone further.
He didn’t know what it was, but he’d almost felt comfortable walking with him yesterday. Mateo had never felt comfortable with anyone in his life other than Josiah. But then, Tristan and Josiah were together. He was Mateo’s connection to Jay, so in a fucked up way, it made sense.
Mateo drummed his hand on his legs as he continued going.
“What’s up?” He nodded at Tristan as he stepped up to the man.
“Hello. I wasn’t sure you would come.”
He realized how close they stood, near enough that he smelled a light scent of cologne. Mateo took a step backward. “Do you wish I didn’t?”
Tristan stared off as if in thought before replying. “No, which I don’t understand.”
Tristan’s thoughts mirrored his. “Maybe it’s ‘cause we both know something about him that the other doesn’t. I know his past, and you got his present.” Fuck, those words killed him. Strangled him and stabbed through him and every other fucking thing he’d lived with all combined into one. He ran a hand through his hair. “What the hell am I doin’? I’m getting outta here.”
He turned and took a couple steps when Tristan spoke, his voice steady and strong. “Running away like you did when you left him?”
Mateo whipped around, his body going hot. “Fuck you. You don’t know shit about me or what I did.” His jaw hurt he pressed his teeth together so tightly, his hands balled into fists.
“Why did you send him away?” Tristan cocked his head a little as though he was really curious, then seemed to snap out of it. “You’re right. This isn’t...” He shook his head and somehow Mateo got what he meant. The way Tristan stood, and the far-off look on his face, in his eyes, was...distant. It was almost like looking in a mirror. He didn’t talk to people any better than Mateo did. At least not about shit that mattered.
“Come on.” Mateo nodded his head and started walking. It was a few seconds before Tristan stepped up beside him. Mateo let out a deep breath, unsure why. “Where’d you meet him?” he asked.
“Here. Walking. He came every day. There isn’t a day that goes by that Josiah doesn’t come here to feed the birds.”
Until now, at least. Still, hearing that did something to him. Filled him up in a way only Jay ever had. This was supposed to be their thing. He imagined how it would have felt to have been out here with Josiah, and wondered if Josiah thought about being out here with him. But then, he’d been with Tristan. As much as that made him want to set the whole fucking world on fire, he was glad Jay hadn’t been alone.
Mateo glanced at him. “We were in the same foster home for a while.” As soon as he said it, he realized Tristan probably already knew that. Josiah probably told him everything.