He groaned when his cell rang. Tristan almost ignored it, but knowing Ben, the asshole would jump on another plane and come back to California. “I don’t have time to talk.”
“Oh yeah. Your guy gets his degree today, right?”
“Don’t say it like that. And yes, he does. What do you want?”
Ben was quiet. He was almost never quiet. “It’s more than just fucking with this kid, isn’t it? I guess I knew, but I thought you’d deny it.”
“He’s not a kid. He’s twenty-seven years old. He’s been through more life than both of us in some ways.”
“Not the point. You didn’t deny it, Tristan. You said not to say it like that, not that he wasn’t yours.”
Unlike with Ben, Tristan’s silence was typical.
“Even before I came, I knew it. Hell, that’s why I was there. Three fucking years, Tris. I waited three fucking years, wondering when you’d push him away, but you never did.”
Tristan imagined his hand on his pulse. Imagined the beats he could count. “No, I haven’t.”
Another pause from Ben. “Why him?” he finally asked. “I’ve waited for you since our freshman year at college. You have to know that. I figured eventually you’d come around, but I’ve lost you, haven’t I?”
Tristan tried to make words come out, but none would. He didn’t know why he’d never seen it coming but he hadn’t. Or maybe he hadn’t wanted to. “I didn’t know.”
“You’re a shitty liar.”
“I’m sorry.”
Ben chuckled. “You’ve never apologized to me in your life. Don’t start now. It’s not who you are.”
“Can I tell you, you’re my only friend?”
Another laugh. “I’ve always known that. You just never would admit it. And a year or two ago, you wouldn’t have. You’ve changed, Tristan. Because of Josiah, I’m guessing.”
Tristan shook his head as though Ben could see him. He hadn’t changed. Not enough. “I can’t talk to you about this.”
“Do you talk to him?”
“I try,” was all he could get out. He gave Josiah everything he could.
“Try harder.” Ben hung up the phone.
Tristan let his eyes drift closed as he thought about his friend and how he’d treated him over the years. He’d fucked Ben, but never slept in the same bed with him all night. Hell, he didn’t even let the man come see him very often, yet he’d always been there for him. Even now.
Jesus, he was fucked up. Broken in so many ways.
Pushing to his feet, Tristan left his office, heading toward Josiah’s room. Josiah had his back to him as Tristan stood in the doorway. As Tristan watched him pick up Mateo’s queen and put it in one pocket. Then the bird Tristan gave him, putting it in the other.
“Do you carry them both with you all the time?”
Josiah whipped around at the sound of his voice. “Shit. I didn’t hear you walk up.” And then he touched his pockets. “Only on important days. I know it’s crazy...”
After all these years, Josiah still carried the queen. Still carried a part of Mateo with him. Still loved him, the way Ben had apparently loved Tristan for years, too.
“I know I should get rid of the queen...”
“Not if it’s important to you.” If Josiah could get rid of that, then he could eventually do the same to Tristan. It was the fear he kept buried so deep he could forget it was there.
“You’re important to me.”
He nodded at that because he knew the words to be true. There wasn’t a part of him that doubted Josiah loved him. Or that he would always love Mateo. And that Mateo had given Josiah things he didn’t.
“We should go.”
Tristan drove Josiah to the graduation ceremony. It put him there early but he worked in his car until it was time to go in. He met Elliot by the gates, and they sat together as they watched Josiah get his degree.
“You’ve been good for Josiah. I was nervous at first, but you’ve helped him a lot. He wouldn’t be here without you,” Elliot told him.
“He would have. Even if it took him a little longer, he would have done it.” There was no doubt in his mind about that.
“Still, you’ve changed him in other ways. He’s more sure of himself.”
“Is that the psychologist in you speaking?” Tristan teased.
“No.” He shook his head. “The friend.”
Tristan continued to record the ceremony for his mom. The place was packed, but somehow Josiah managed to find them easily afterward.