Josiah shook his head, but then realized Tristan probably thought that meant he didn’t want to explain it. “I’m not mad at you. More mad at myself.” He paused a minute and took a deep breath. “Things haven’t really changed for me. Not since I’ve been here. I’m going to school, I decided I wanted to move forward, which in a way I am, but, not completely.”
Elliot had told him to be happy, and even though Elliot had meant with Tristan, it hadn’t even crossed his mind to try to be happy with himself first. “I want to try and be happy, I think.”
Another pause. Tristan’s almond-shaped eyes never left Josiah. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he replied, “Good for you.”
The door closed quietly behind him as he walked out. Josiah turned off the computer, then the light. Took off his pants, and then climbed into bed.
He was moving on.
He would try to be happy, for himself, with himself.
And there was something else he could do, too. If he wanted pleasure, he could give himself that, too. It wasn’t that he’d never jacked off before, but it had been a long time. He hadn’t wanted it. Well, that was a lie. His body had, but the rest of him had never been into it. Now, he was.
Josiah pushed a hand under his boxer-briefs and then decided they were too confining. He kicked out of them. Wrapped a hand around his cock, which was already hard. Twice he stroked up and down his shaft, but it just wasn’t right. He pumped some lotion into his hand and rubbed it down his length before he pumped his hand again. Slow strokes, fast strokes. He squeezed tighter as he jerked himself. With his other hand, he reached down and cupped his balls, remembered the way Mateo played with them, thought of the way he wished Tristan would, but then shoved both men out of his head.
He rolled them the way he liked. Tugged a little, shocked that the slight pain made a pleasurable sensation shoot through. He did it again as he kept those quick, tight strokes on his cock.
Josiah shivered. Why had he waited so long for this? Why didn’t he pleasure himself more often?
It wasn’t long before his balls started to ache. His body went taut with the first burst of come that shot out of him. He kept going, kept working himself, as another ribbon of semen flew up and landed on his stomach.
A laugh tumbled out of his mouth. It was crazy, and if Tristan could hear him, he probably sounded ridiculous. Josiah didn’t care because he felt good, and he’d just given himself pleasure. He’d just done something he wanted for himself, and it had felt incredible.
He couldn’t wait to do it again.
Chapter Eleven
July—the following year
Tristan
Tristan walked downstairs to see Josiah standing in the doorway, with it partially closed. Outside stood another guy who looked to be a little younger than Josiah. Neither man saw him as they talked. He wasn’t sure what made him do it but he stopped, leaned against the wall at the bottom of the stairs, and watched.
Josiah pushed the dark blond hair that he started to grow a few months after moving in out of his face. It had been long for a little over a year now, the perfect length to grab on to. And he wanted that. Wanted it since before Josiah moved in, and the year and a half that he’d been here had only made the desire, the craving, grow more and more, until it threatened to eat him alive.
Josiah shifted, muscles constricted that wouldn’t have been noticeable a year and a half ago. It wasn’t as though he was big, still shorter and leaner than Tristan, but more defined since he started using Tristan’s workout equipment almost daily. At first he’d thought Tristan didn’t know—he always exercised when Tristan was at work—but he’d known from the first day. He’s smelled Josiah on his things, and the obsessive-compulsiveness in him knew they had been touched.
“We’re all getting together down by the water. I thought you might want to come with me.” The other man stepped closer to Josiah.
A fuse sparked, overheated, and blew inside him. Tristan fought to contain it. Josiah was free to go out with whomever he wanted, especially since Tristan knew he would never let himself fuck him.
“No, I can’t. I want to get started on a presentation I have to do.”
The guy shook his head. “I forgot you take summer classes.”
Tristan automatically smiled at that. He’d done the same thing all through school.
“I want to graduate early. If I keep up the way I’m going, I can get my degree in three years instead of four.”
“It’s just one night.” The guy reached out and ran his hand up Josiah’s arm. “I like you. I want to get to know you better.”