“No.” Josiah shook his head. He didn’t know how to move on from Mateo.
“Elliot!” Larson yelled. “I need your help out here!”
“I better go.” Elliot stood, nudged Josiah and grinned. “Maybe we should come out of the bathroom one at a time so people don’t realize we were in here together.” He smiled again showing Josiah he wanted to lighten the mood. “And I’m here. If you ever want to talk or anything, okay?” Then he walked out. Josiah didn’t move, Elliot’s words playing over and over in his head.
Mateo wasn’t coming back.
Not.
Coming.
Back.
It had been over five years. With the lifestyle Teo lived, he might not even be alive. Josiah slammed the door on those thoughts. He wouldn’t believe that.
Anger like he felt that first time he’d shaved his head rumbled through him again, but it wasn’t at Mateo... It was at himself. All he wanted was a life—a real life—yet he wasn’t letting himself have it. All he did was run. And he was alone. He always would be if he kept doing what he did now.
Mateo was strong. Josiah had always wanted to be like him. Didn’t want to need someone taking care of him, yet that’s exactly how he lived his life. That guy offered for him to not feel alone, even if it was only for one night. And he wanted that. Wanted it so bad he could taste it.
He didn’t want to be the kind of guy who always apologized for things that weren’t his fault.
Josiah grabbed his bag and rushed out of the bathroom, the same way he’d rushed in. He heard Larson ask him where he was going when he headed for the door. Josiah ignored him. Sure the guy probably wasn’t out there still, but he intended to try. To show himself he could move on. It was time. He didn’t need Mateo.
As soon as the door closed, he looked up. In front of him was the guy in the black suit, carrying a folded-down Fisherman’s Roast bag.
Josiah’s heart went crazy. “Hey. Umm... Hey.”
The guy turned around, but didn’t smile. Please smile. I need you to smile.
“My name... It’s Josiah... What’s yours?”
The guy looked at his watch, sighed, and walked closer to Josiah. “Tristan. Listen, I have to go. I need to get this scone to someone, and then I’m heading to work. Did you need something?”
Josiah’s stomach twisted, turned. Ached. “What you said... Or what you asked. I want to. Meet you. Tonight.”
Tristan closed his eyes briefly and shook his head. “That was a mistake. I shouldn’t have asked you.”
All the courage he’d built up evaporated into nothing. “Oh. I’m sorry.”
He turned to walk away but Tristan grabbed his arm. “You’re sorry I spoke too soon? That I asked you an inappropriate question? That you’re just replying to my question? Which of my actions are you sorry for?”
Two minutes ago he’d acknowledged he didn’t want to do this, and he already had again. “None. I take it back. I’m not sorry.” He crossed his arms and stood up straight.
Tristan cocked his head a little, studying him. “Why do you feed the birds?” His forehead wrinkled as though the question surprised him as much as it did Josiah.
Because it was part of our dream... Because I told Teo we would... But then, that wasn’t all of it, was it? It had been his idea to feed them in the first place. There had to be a reason he said it to begin with.
“They might be hungry. Or even if they’re not, maybe it’s a gift, a treat. I kind of think we all deserve that. Someone to do something special for us.” Josiah took a deep breath. “And I don’t think it was a mistake. To ask me, I mean. I want to meet you tonight.”
Tristan’s hand came up and cupped Josiah’s cheek. He brushed his thumb over the bone there, and Josiah let himself lean into it. Lean into the touch and feel close to someone.
“Jesus, that blush is sexy. As much as I would enjoy taking you home with me, it’s not going to happen. It was a mistake, because I’m the wrong kind of man for someone like you. I was looking for a fuck. That’s all.”
Josiah squared his shoulders, even though he felt like melting into the concrete. “That’s all I want, too.”
“I’m an asshole, but not that big an asshole. You don’t belong in my bed, Josiah.” Tristan dropped his hand and walked away. He stopped again, about ten feet away. Josiah realized then he held his breath. “Do you do that every day? Feed the birds?”
Josiah nodded.
Without another word, he disappeared into the crowd.