“Oh. But what about Cora?”
“Well, when is she leaving?” she asks.
“Next Friday.”
“I’ll go see her on Thursday.”
“But I won’t be back from Vegas on Thursday. Chris and I are staying a few more days.”
“I’ll go with Tristan and you can go tomorrow with Chris.”
“Chris isn’t going.”
“Why not? It’s not as if Adam’s going to be there.” I’m silent as I wait for her to catch on. “Wait… is Adam going to be there?”
“Yes.”
“Oh….” Her voice trails off and I wait for what seems like an eternity before she finally continues. “I’m sorry, Claire. I still can’t go. I already made the reservation for the restaurant and my dad rescheduled his appointments. Do you hate me?”
“Yes, but not anymore than I did yesterday when you told me about your craving for pig’s feet.”
“You don’t know what you’re missing.”
“Okay, well, good luck tomorrow. I will pray for your soul.”
“And Tristan’s, too,” Senia adds excitedly.
“I don’t need to pray for Tristan with you there to protect him.”
“Damn right. See you in Vegas, baby.”
“See you Tuesday.”
After I end the call with Senia, I see the notification on my screen of a new text from Adam. I touch the notification and his text is short, but it still puts me on edge.
Adam: See you then.
I set my phone on the coffee table again and I don’t give Chris a chance to say anything before I kiss him. I trace my tongue along his top lip and I smile as I taste the berry-flavored Capri-Sun he was drinking earlier.
“Why are you smiling?” he says as he leans his head back.
“Because you taste good.”
“You’re making me hungry.”
“You want me to make you something?” I ask as I sit up.
“I’m not hungry for food,” he replies, his hand sliding underneath my shirt as he pulls me toward him.
Once again, I remember the pregnancy test I’m dying to take to ease my mind and I grab his hand to stop it from moving further up.
“What’s wrong?” he murmurs as he kisses my neck.
“Nothing. I just thought we were going to watch a movie.”
He looks up at me and smiles. “Okay, I can take a hint.”
“No, it’s not like that.”
If I say no to sex right now, he may think it’s because I just spoke to Adam. Not that I don’t want to have sex with Chris, I would just rather not do it while worrying whether I’m knocked up.
“Then what is it?”
“Nothing. I’m just worried about something right now and it has nothing to do with Adam or Cora. I can’t really talk about it, but I promise I’ll talk to you about it tomorrow. Is that okay?”
“Of course, it’s okay.”
I run my fingers through his dark hair and he closes his eyes as he begins to relax. “Tell me again what the plan is for Sunday.”
“We’re flying out to San Francisco and we’re going to rent a car to go see your dad. Then we’re staying the night in the hotel and we’re flying out to Vegas Monday morning.”
“Rachel wants me to be there by noon on Monday. She said she arranged a lunch for me, her, and Jackie.”
“A bachelorette party?”
“That’s what I said, but Rachel didn’t think it was funny.”
“Good, because you’re not a bachelorette. You’re mine.”
“Well, we’re not married yet, so technically I am still a bachelorette.”
He opens his eyes and his expression is serious. “You just said that ring on your finger means everything. Or does it only mean something when it comes with a marriage license?”
I swallow hard. “It does mean everything. I was only kidding about being a bachelorette.”
“I’m not trying to scare you. I just want to be clear about this before you leave tomorrow.”
“Shit.”
“What?”
“Are you having doubts about me going to Cora’s tomorrow?”
“I don’t know. I trust you. I just don’t know if I trust him.”
“I think you should come with me.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I grab his ears and he smiles. “Don’t do that.”
His ears are the only place on his body where he’s ticklish. “Come with me and I’ll let go.”
“Claire, let go of my ears.”
I lean forward and blow in his left ear and he squirms under me. “Come with me.”
“I’m not coming with you. This is something you have to do without me. I swear I trust you.” He slides his hands up my shirt and chuckles as he grabs both my breasts. “But if he tries to touch you, you have to promise you’ll tell me. And then you’ll have to promise to visit me in jail after I murder him.”
He smiles as he squeezes my breasts as if they’re car horns. “Ow! That hurts,” I protest as I push his hands down.
“Why does it hurt? Are you okay?”
Oh, no.
My mind draws back to the memory of the first time I felt the tenderness in my breasts when I was pregnant with Abigail. I was putting on my bra while getting ready to go to a party with Senia. I didn’t know what it meant at the time. I thought it was just a symptom of PMS.
“It always happens before my period.”
“I don’t remember that happening when we were together before. Is that because… because of Abigail?”
Two days. Two days late is not a big deal. Don’t worry him.
“I don’t know, but it’s nothing to worry about,” I say as I stand from the sofa and hold my hand out to him. “Let’s go to bed.”
“It’s only 6:30.”
“Then don’t forget your Capri-Sun so you can rehydrate. We’ve got lots of studying to do.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Claire
Listen
Chris sends me off on my road trip with a long, deep kiss that he knows will not be soon forgotten. As I pull onto the highway, I’m reminded of the few times Adam drove from Wrightsville Beach to Chapel Hill to see me in the dorm. I wonder if he’s driving on this same road right now. If we were friends, we could have carpooled.
The thought of Adam and me not being friends makes me sad.
Turning on the stereo, I smile when I hear the end of “I Will Follow You Into the Dark” by Death Cab for Cutie. Chris taught me to play this song on the guitar when I was seventeen. It took him almost eight weeks to teach me a song he learned to play by ear in a couple of days. Sometimes, I forget how talented and driven he is and how lucky I am that his heart belongs to me.
I make a stop at a grocery store in Wilmington to get Cora some flowers and a card, and to get myself a pregnancy test. I consider going into the grocery store bathroom to get the test over with, but the thought of pissing on a stick in a public restroom just seems wrong. Besides, now that I have the test, I can wait until I get home where I can break the news to Chris in person should the test come up positive.
The light patches of snow along the edge of the highway clear up the further I get from Chapel Hill and the closer I get to the coastline. Shrugging off my coat, I turn up the heater so I can feel more comfortable. I turn on my phone and plug it into the car stereo to listen to some music. My phone screen displays a new text from Chris.
Chris: I made you a playlist to listen to while you’re driving. No texting and driving. I love you.
I smile as I keep my eyes half-focused on the road and open up my music app to see the playlist. None of the songs on the list are his, but they’re all songs that mean something to us.
The first song on the list is “I Want You” by The Beatles, which was the song he was playing on the guitar when I walked into his living room nearly six years ago. The second song is “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel; the first song he played for me that same day. The third song on the list makes me laugh: “Crank That (Souljah Boy).” Chris and Tristan had a contest to see who could do the Souljah Boy dance better. Jake and I both agreed that Chris won and Tristan ended up destroying all the video evidence because he thought he was robbed.
The next song on the list makes my heart leap into my throat. It’s a cover of “Falling Slowly” by Kris Allen. He used to make fun of me for watching American Idol, and he pretended to be jealous whenever I rooted for Kris Allen. Then he asked the DJ at my senior prom to play this song for us to dance to.
The rest of the playlist has me laughing and weeping. Ultimately, I think the playlist does what I’m sure Chris intended for it to do: to help me remember how much he loves me and how far we’ve come. And how I’ll never do anything to risk breaking us again.
My stomach begins to ache the moment I pull into the parking lot of Cora’s apartment complex and I see Adam’s truck. It’s funny how inanimate objects can prompt such emotional reactions. After I broke up with Chris, I never knew when I was going to get punched in the gut by a memory. One minute I’d be sailing smoothly through life and the next, I’d see a restaurant we once frequented or I’d get a whiff of something that smelled like him, and the whole world is turned upside down.
Pulling into the parking space next to Adam’s truck, I pause to take a few deep breaths. This is nothing like the last time I visited Cora, when Adam surprised me by coming back from Hawaii early. Everything has changed in the two months since that day. I got to hold Abigail in my arms. Chris finished recording his album. I got engaged three days ago.
I hold up my left hand to look at the ring. I told Chris that this ring means everything, but the truth is that it’s just a ring. Without this ring, I still belong to Chris. I always have.
I slide out of the driver’s seat and the asphalt is wet from the rain. Luckily, the carport above me provides some protection, but I have to get my umbrella out of the backseat so I can make it across the parking lot without getting drenched. I step out of the car and see Adam coming out of Cora’s front door with an umbrella. He sees the umbrella in my hand and stops.
Reaching back into the front seat, I grab the bouquet of flowers and the greeting card. I slam the door shut and pop open my umbrella. Staring at the ground, I cross the parking lot toward the apartment. As soon as I reach the shelter of the eves, I let down my umbrella and shake off the rainwater.
“I didn’t know if you brought an umbrella,” Adam says, and his voice sounds different, deeper.
“Thanks,” I say as I close my umbrella and walk toward Cora’s open front door.
I stop at the threshold, shocked to see Lindsay sitting on the side of the sofa closest to Cora’s armchair. Her baby is asleep in a car seat at her feet. She looks at me and smiles; a faint, uncomfortable smile.
“Are you okay?” Adam asks from behind me.
I nod as I step inside and try not to think about why Adam would bring Lindsay here today. The room is really warm, but I don’t remove my coat. I have a feeling I won’t be here very long.
I lean down and kiss Cora’s fuzzy cheek and she giggles. “Claire, did they tell you I’m flying the coop?”
“Yes, they did,” I reply, setting the flowers and the card on her TV tray table as I squat down next to Cora’s armchair. “Are you happy to be leaving?”
“Oh, well, a girl my age can’t ask for too much. You’ll see when you get older. You learn to accept the simple pleasures people offer, like a warm bed and a different flavor of Cream o’ Wheat every day. I’m going to get to see my great-grandkids for the first time ever.”
Grabbing her hand, I try to not think of the possibility of Cora living in a place where she’s not treated like the angel she is. It eases my mind a little to know that Chris will take me to visit her in Idaho whenever I want.