Bernie gives me a worried look in the rearview mirror, "You read those books when you were ten?"
I nod, "And eleven and twelve and thirteen. She left bags of books at the cabin. She read when she was there. Nothing else to do. They never hooked it up to electricity. Dad insisted it stay off the grid, like you."
He smiles, "You were born for this weren’t you?"
I shrug and look out the window. I have a feeling they're laughing at me, even if they aren’t laughing out loud.
"She was born to fight. Look at the scowl on that face," Will points back at me.
I laugh and shake my head, "You're a jerk."
"Emma, seriously though, you need to behave. One slip up will ruin the whole thing."
I glare at Bernie, "I know that. I'm not an idiot. I know Anna is at risk. I saw the gash this morning." I think about the sweaty feel to her skin and fight the ache in my heart. Her situation is making our trip to the city a two-part excursion.
My stomach stays a ball of nerves as we approach. I don’t see anything different, until we round a corner and I see the white tips of something rising above the trees. It glistens in the sun.
"There it is."
A shiver creeps up my back as I lean forward and point, "Stop here."
He looks confused but pulls over. I open the door and look at Leo, "You know the drill, okay?"
He stretches and jumps from the back of the big truck. Leo stands on his back legs and puts his front paws around my neck. I hug him and whisper into his fur, "Stay away from the people, okay? I'll whistle if I need you." I run my fingers through his fur extra. I need to get the extra touches to stock pile them in my memory.
"I love you, Leo."
He makes his purring sound and hops down. He looks at Will, then me, and runs off into the woods. I see him darting towards the city. My guts burn. I don’t want him to be here.
I ignore the feeling and get back inside.
"He'll be fine," Will puts a hand on my leg. I move away from his grip, "He shoulda stayed behind. He's stubborn as shit."
My hands start to sweat as we near the city. The clean pants and t-shirt itch. They were fresh from a package. Never washed or worn. I don’t like them. They don’t even fit right, but Bernie says everyone wears free-flowing clothes, too tight stores toxins in the body.
The linen pants and shirt feel nice in the summer heat though. Only my hands are sweaty and that’s not from the heat. I drag them up and down my pants. I wish I had my bow. Clutching that would make me feel a whole lot better.
I feel the cold, mean look crossing my face. It's like a piece of my self-defense. I can't be around other people without a bitchy look crossing my face.
The city comes into full view. It looks like something from The Wizard of Oz. It's amazing. It glistens in the sun and makes me feel inspired. I don’t want to wreck it suddenly.
"You should have stayed back at the house. They're going to know you're older than twenty-eight." Will adds his own version of a confidence booster, as we arrive close to the gates, of what appears to be, a guard blockade. It's like what Meg told me about. Bernie slows and puts the window down. I can't tear my eyes from the magnificence in front of me.
"Less star-struck," Will whispers. I close my mouth and look at the man approaching us. He has a dark-blue uniform and a huge gun in his hands. He looks a bit older than me and very serious.
Bernie hands him a card like the ones that open the doors to the breeder farms.
"Doctor Sinclair, how are you?" the man asks.
Bernie shrugs, "Getting warm with the windows open."
The man looks past him and nods in my direction, "Who are your friends?"
I watch his dark-blue eyes and wonder if everyone has blue eyes now. His dark hair makes them seem brighter than they are.
Bernie points at Will, "This is Doctor Henderson and that is his nurse. They are guests of mine from a farm a ways out."
He raises an eyebrow, "They have ID cards too?"
Will hands the man his card, "Here's mine."
I pass mine and notice how sweaty my hands are. I wonder if the fake ID card is wet from it.
He looks them over and passes them back, "Okay. Move ahead." He looks directly at me, "Have a great trip. I hope you enjoy the city."
I nod once. I don’t know if I should smile or not.
We drive to the next stop where we are checked quickly for infection and diseases. When we pass through I'm almost hyperventilating.
Bernie smiles back as we drive into the small city, "You don’t have to fret, all those explosions you caused destroyed any evidence they had on you."
I shake my head in jerks, "They had me in the Spokane."
He raises an eyebrow and grimaces, "Oh. I'm sorry."
"Why?"
He brushes it off, "No reason. You made it out—that’s the big stuff."
Will looks back at me with a confused look, but I don’t take my eyes from Bernie. "What happens in Spokane?"
His eyes dart from mine to Will's and back to the road. "Death experiments. It's where they keep the infected and experiment on them. The old hospital is used to try to find cures, and what the connection is, with the ones who don’t die. Most die. It's only like seven percent who live on with the disease."
I shudder, "Seems like a heck of a lot more than seven percent." I look out at the glass and marble city. It's bright and clean like the farms.
"It's like all the color and personality that makes us human is gone," Will mutters and looks out at the people walking in boring colors and not talking.
"They look like robots don’t they? It's like a science fiction movie from the early two thousands," Bernie agrees.
I never really watched them, but I can see what they're saying. The people are wooden. Just as I am certain I am seeing the same people walk by as if the scenery is repeating itself, I see the thing that everyone has spoken of. A small group of four kids about Meg's age walk together down the sidewalk. They have a gleam in the their eyes and a swagger to their walk that is menacing. I get a bad feeling in my belly when I see them. One glances at me as we drive past. He smirks at me. I don’t like that look. I don’t like them.
"They're creepy," I whisper.
We drive past a building that looks familiar. Then I realize it's identical to the breeder farms. My nose wrinkles involuntarily.
The whole city becomes creepy. The kids and the breeder buildings taint it. I nod to myself, I can blow this place up.
"Do they have a back-up explosion button here?"
Bernie looks at me and shakes his head, "No. We'll have to bring in the explosives."
I shrug, "We need to figure out where we'll put it all anyway." I know nothing about blowing things up. I did it when I had to, but the explosives were there.
Bernie pulls into a wide doorway and drives down. My skin prickles as we drive into the darkness. I see other cars but no people. The lights on the front of truck show little dark corners everywhere. I shake my head.
Warmth covers my hands. I turn them over and let Will grip me.
"I don’t want to be here. I don’t like it down here."
Will squeezes, "It's okay, baby. Stay calm. Remember people will be watching."
I shake, "I don’t see people. Just dark corners." The truck turns another corner. I can feel panic starting to become anger. I don’t like dark corners in buildings. I don’t like new places where I don’t know the way out. I close my eyes and stop looking. I take a deep breath, seeing Leo's face. His sloppy wolf face. I know if I whistle, he will come. If I panic, he will come. He always comes.
I grip Will and know he always comes too. We will get out of the city. Everything is going to be okay. I chant it and pray I'll start believing it.
I open my eyes as the truck stops in a dimly lit spot. I look at Bernie, "Where are we?"
He points to a door to the left, "My house in the city."
The doctor in Spokane fills my mind. I look around at the vehicles parked and whisper, "Parkade."
Bernie looks at me and laughs, "You remember them?"
I shake my head and touch my fingers to the cold glass, "No."
Will jumps out and opens the door for me. He wraps his hand around mine again. I'm shaking.
"Why can't we ever just fight shit in the woods? I'm good in the woods," I mutter and let him drag me from the truck. We walk around it to the door. It's big and metal. Bernie slides his card and it opens. The doors lock here too? No one trusts anyone. Everything is clean and white and shiny but it's dead here too. They just make the death nicer looking than the dusty shit we deal with out in the borderlands.
I let go of Will's hand as we walk through the door. I see a girl a little older than me. She doesn’t look at me. I watch her—the way she avoids our eye contact, only looking at things, and somehow watches me, in her peripheral.
She is in the same sort of pants as me, the tan linen but her shirt is baby blue and mine is pale purple. I think Granny would have called it violet.
Her hair is shiny and clean. I know I don’t look like that. My skin is tanned and freckled where her’s is creamy. She looks like a breeder.
Her green eyes dart at mine momentarily.
Guess not everyone has blue eyes.
Bernie walks down the hall past her. We follow.
She smiles at Will. I see a blush rise in her cheeks and roll my eyes. When we round the corner, I glare up at him, "We can't bring you anywhere can we?"
He looks confused, "Who?"
Bernie looks back confused and opens a door for us. When we walk inside I am awestruck. "People live like this? Freely?" I can feel the dirt coating my skin compared to the white of the room and the wide-open bright space. The room is bigger than any tent I've seen and brighter than any houses I've hidden in.
Will whistles, "haven’t seen a house like this in a while."