"It's so convenient for you to take responsibility for it now," I snapped. "When it's over and hasn't cost you a thing."
"Only those lives—and my daughter," he said before folding away.
* * *
"I know you wonder why I asked you here," I said. Thurlow and Aryn both sat inside my study. I was pacing behind my desk. I'd made a decision, now I'd see how it all turned out for the future. Aryn, especially, looked quite surprised that I'd called for him. He'd expected me to be holed up with my mates somewhere, grieving for Rolfe, Giff and Yoff. I was grieving. I'd just come to the realization how things really were.
"I have something for you," I said. "While it might not mean anything immediately, it may mean something for the long term. It is up to you how you approach things after this." I pulled two small boxes from a desk drawer. Each one bore a name. I handed them across the desk to Aryn and Thurlow. "Don't betray me again," I said and misted away.
* * *
Thurlow opened his box first, finding the claw crown signet ring nestled on satin inside. Drawing in a breath, he lifted it out and settled it on his finger. It fit—Lissa had Looked to find his size. If she hadn't, he could have used power to do it himself. She was telling him they had a future. He didn't expect to fall into her bed immediately—that would take time. But it was a promise that someday he would spend a night with her, followed by many other nights. Thurlow, once Thorsten, was satisfied with that.
Aryn was slower to open his box. He recognized the ring—she'd kept the old one he'd had before, when he'd been Gabron. Would it fit? He was taller and heavier since Kifirin had remade him.
"It will fit—do you think Lissa didn't notice?" Thurlow was smiling—a real smile that he hadn't experience in a long while.
Aryn tried the ring on—it did fit. "I'll have to court her," he sighed. "Make her trust me again."
"You've made a good start—you wouldn't have that if you hadn't," Thurlow pointed to Aryn's ring. "And we have to court the rest of her Inner Circle, too—make them trust us. We have a long road, friend," Thurlow slapped Aryn on the back.
* * *
"Lissa?" I'd gone hunting for Shadow. He was still wearing my ring; I saw that right away. He'd never taken it off. At least it meant he'd loved me the whole way through, even though he hadn't done much in the way of standing up for me or our love against his father and grandfather. That hurt more than anything, I think. Now, Shadow stood before a fireplace inside my huge library, thumbing through a book on ancient Refizani history.
"Learning anything new about Refizan?" I nodded at the book. "Karzac or Aryn can likely give you a better perspective on how things really were instead of reading that thing."
"Is that where Aryn is from?" Shadow still didn't know.
"Aryn used to be Gabron," I sighed. "Kifirin gave him a new face and a second chance. I just gave his ring back."
"Lissa, you're not letting him back in your bed, when you won't even," Shadow couldn't finish his sentence, he looked so hurt.
"That's why I'm here, you difik wizard. I came to ask for my ring back. I'm not saying we're going to be perfect right here and now. You have an uphill climb, just like Aryn and Thurlow. I'm giving you the right to step back into the Inner Circle. And if you don't piss me off too bad and if the surrogate thing works out with Erland and Gardevik, then in two years I'll consider doing the same thing with you. We'll find a surrogate and Grey House can stop getting their panties in a bunch over an heir from your loins or whatever." I sat wearily on a nearby sofa.
"Lissa, you make it sound so romantic." Shadow could do sarcasm as well as anyone.
"I'm not feeling particularly romantic at the moment—I just buried three people I love, my father decides to take responsibility after the fact and six-hundred-million people are dead because somebody aimed a Ranos Cannon, hoping to kill me instead. I'm not in the mood for flowers and violins right now."
"Lissa, I want us to be together. Like it used to be."
"Honey, that's not going to happen. Your father and grandfather saw to that, don't you think? Do I love you? I never stopped. Did you hurt me? Yes. When you didn't stand up to them. Didn't force them to look harder at what they were doing instead of jumping through the hoops that Marid of Belancour set up so he could get Cloudsong's noose from around his neck. Do I care if you take another mate? No. I just want it to be somebody you love if you do, not somebody coming in to provide broodmare services for a price. Erland has other mates—he loves them. I don't care." I flung out a hand. "Karzac has other mates. It doesn't bother me."
"But you held Karzac at arm's length, when Grace became pregnant with Kevis." Shadow pointed out.
"But Kevis needs to grow up with his father. Needs to know a father's love. That's something I never had and I feel it, Shadow. Right here." I thumped my chest with a fist. "I'm not about to take any child away from its father, or vice versa. Besides, Karzac and I worked things out. Somebody pointed out to me that one or two nights a month isn't going to take anything away from Kevis."
"Then come back with me to Grey House, and talk things over with Dad and Grampa Glendes."
"No, Shadow. I meant what I said—I'm not coming back to Grey House. Your father and grandfather could have talked to both of us about this, asking us how we felt instead of making an arbitrary decision that almost resulted in disaster for everyone. Yet they didn't. They didn't treat us as adults, Shadow, and I find that unconscionable. Maybe you can overlook it, but I won't."
"Lissa, I don't want to be caught in a feud between you and my family."
"I'm not feuding with them—I'm just not speaking to them. Sort of like I'm not speaking to my father. Maybe someday I'll get over it. I've noticed they haven't done much in the way of an apology. It's a little late now, don't you think? They almost bankrupt Le-Ath Veronis, and not a word?"
"They might not think you'd be willing to listen."
"No excuse for not doing the right thing," I snapped. "Or trying to do the right thing. We may share a child, one day, Shadow. At least I hope so. I'd like to see what a Quarter Karathian Witch and a Grey House Wizard might be able to produce. That doesn't even include what I got from the Elemaiya."
"I'll go talk to Dad and Grampa about it."
"Shadow, if you have to consult your parents, then you haven't grown up, yet. Grow up, then come see me if you want a child." I got up to walk away.
"Lissa, I didn't mean for it to turn out like this." Shadow folded in front of me, holding out my ring.
"You think your father asked Glendes of Grey House if it was okay if he got your mother pregnant? Did he?" I knocked Shadow's hand aside, sending the ring flying.
"I see I've been too heavy-handed." Glendes showed up. Fucking nexus echo, no doubt. He'd been listening for me to call his name.
"No joke." I stalked away from Shadow again. "Fucking Grey House Wizards," I muttered.
"At least one of them isn't fucking," Shadow offered.
"And not likely to unless he finds somebody else," I whirled to face him.
"Lissa, I should have stayed out of this. I know that now. It's of little consolation to you, considering what you risked to get us all out of that mess." Glendes said.
"Yeah? Who told you that?"
"Griffin."
"Dear old Dad. He just can't pass up the opportunity to fuck with my life, can he?" I was close to tears, now.
"Lissa, he said that if you'd interfered with the timeline in any way, they'd have stripped every bit of power away from you. You'd have given up everything, just to set things right."
"Yeah, I should have learned my lesson the first time, shouldn't I?" I wiped away tears.
"Lissa, I should have stayed out of this. I should have. I didn't. I hit you when you were weak; I know that now. My grandson was married to a goddess and I threw her out in favor of a two-faced bitch."
"A two-faced bitch who could have babies," I started walking again. "I'm still not coming back to Grey House."
"Will you have a baby with me? I don't give a fuck what Dad and Grampa think." Shadow begged. I turned one last time to look at him.
"Then I'll think about it," I said and disappeared.
* * *
Shadow used wizardry to Pull Lissa's ring to his hand. "What if she doesn't take it back, Grampa?" Shadow stared at the Tiralian crystal ring he'd crafted with love.
"Shadow, give it some time. I think she'll come around." Glendes almost crumbled at the look on Shadow's face.
"She once told me much the same thing she told you just now, and that was after I was almost ordered to kill her by the Vampire Council. You see where we are now." Gavin walked into the room.
"How long have you been here?" Shadow demanded.
"Long enough. If she wasn't willing to give you some time, she would have disappeared right away and you wouldn't have found her for months. She walked away and turned back several times. She loves you, Shadow. You, not so much," Gavin turned to Glendes.
"Then I'll work on that," Glendes said. "Shadow, see if you can find her. Tell her I went home with my tail between my legs." Glendes folded away.
"Where is she?" Shadow sounded hopelessly lost.
"Probably on top of something, somewhere. She has absolutely no fear of heights." Gavin sounded positive about that.
"She has no reason to be," Shadow muttered. "I'll go look."
* * *
"I had to ask Garde if he knew where you were," Shadow landed beside me atop the royal palace on Veshtul. Glinda and Jayd knew I was there the moment I'd arrived. They hadn't bothered me.