‘He said something else, something I’ve been thinking about. He said that from what he’s remembered from the stones, some of the Elderlings had the same sort of problem. And they solved it by not being jealous. By not limiting each woman to one man. Or each man to one woman.’ He turned to look up at the sky again. She wondered what he didn’t want her to read in his eyes. Did he fear (or hope) that she would agree to that? It was not the first time she had heard such an idea. Jerd had made it plain of late that she would share her favours where she willed, and that none of the male keepers should think she was his simply because she’d shared one night with him. Or a month of nights. Three or four of the keepers had seemed to accept this relationship with her. Thymara had heard a few disparaging remarks from them about her, but she seemed to be gaining a genuine partnership with several of them, one in which her partners seemed as bonded to each other as they were to her. Thymara was sceptical that it would work long term but had resolved to ignore the situation.
But if that was what Tats was broaching as a solution … She spoke stiffly: ‘If that’s what you’re hoping for, I’m sorry, Tats. I can’t be with both you and Rapskal, and be glad of it. Nor can I share you with another, even if she weren’t Jerd. My heart doesn’t work that way.’
He heaved a sudden sigh of relief. ‘Neither does mine.’ He rolled to face her and she let him take her hands. ‘I was willing to compromise if it was the only future you saw. But I didn’t want to. I want you all to myself, Thymara. Even if it means waiting.’
The depth of feeling in his words took her by surprise. He read it on her face. ‘Thymara, it’s no accident I’m here in Kelsingra. I came here because of you. I told you and your father that I just wanted the adventure, but I was lying. I was following you, even then. Not just because there was no real future for me in Trehaug, but because I knew that there was no future for me anywhere if you weren’t there. It’s not because you just happen to be here, and I just happen to be here. It’s not because you’re a good hunter, nor even because of how beautiful you’ve become. It’s you. I came here for you.’
She had no words to reply to him.
He spoke as if he had to fill the silence. ‘Some of the others have made me feel like an idiot because I can’t compromise. The other night, after dinner, when you went out walking with Rapskal, Jerd called me aside. She said there was something on a high shelf in her room, something she couldn’t reach. It was a ploy. There was nothing there, but once we were alone, she said that she didn’t have the problems you did with men. That if I wanted her, I could be with her, and then still court you if I thought I wanted you as well. She said she could keep it secret, that you’d never know.’ He looked into Thymara’s eyes and quickly reminded her, ‘Jerd said it, not me. I didn’t agree to it, and I walked away from what she was offering.’ In a lower voice, he added, ‘Trusting her is not a mistake I’d make twice. But she did manage to make me feel childish. Foolish that I couldn’t just dispense with the “old rules” and “live our lives as we pleased”. She laughed at me.’ He paused for a moment and then cleared his throat. ‘Rapskal made me feel that way, too. And while he didn’t laugh at me, he told me that in a few decades I’d change my mind. He’s so comfortable with these ideas. But I’m not.’
‘Then I suppose I’m as childish and rule-bound as you are. Because I feel the same way.’ She moved her head onto his shoulder and spoke hesitantly. ‘But if I say that I still don’t feel ready, will you change your mind?’
‘No. I’ve thought it through, Thymara. If I have to wait, then, well, I have the time. We don’t have to rush. We don’t have to rush to have children before we’re twenty because we may not live past forty. The dragons changed that for us. We have time.’
Then maybe I am ready. She almost said the words aloud. Hearing that he would no longer pressure her to decide, hearing that he understood that, with her, it had to be exclusive, had affirmed something about him. Instead, she said, ‘You are the man I thought you would be.’
‘I hope so,’ he said. And then they were still for a while, so still that she started to doze off, until Sintara’s excited jab awoke her.
‘Silver!’ she exclaimed, and Tats’s voice almost echoed hers. His dragon’s excitement came through in his inflection. But he gave Thymara a puzzled look. ‘A silver well? The Silver well?’ He was incredulous. ‘Did we dream it?’