Okay, now she was tearing up for a completely different reason.
Craeg motioned around the room. “Even if you’d forgive me for being a total asshole … I can’t give you anything like this. My parents’ cottage has, like, two bedrooms and a galley kitchen. There’s Formica on the counters and linoleum on the floors, and really ugly carpeting in it. The wood is fake, it’s not antique. The oldest piece of furniture I own is from the seventies—and it’s horrible-looking. I can’t … I can’t buy you jewelry, or cars—”
“Stop.”
At the sound of her voice, he fell silent.
“I don’t think like that,” she whispered. “And neither should you.”
“What if that changes.”
And that was when she realized he’d never really shown her the vulnerability in him before. And wait, was he talking about them still being together?
“It won’t,” she vowed. “I don’t care about any of that stuff and that is not going to change.”
“How do you know?” he said softly. “Because … I’m in love with you. And if you decide tomorrow, a week from now … a year from now … that this is just a fling, or that you need to be with someone who’s classier than I am, I’m not going to survive that. That is one thing that will bring me to my knees and keep me there. So just let me go, okay? Put me out of my misery … let me go.”
Paradise wiped her eyes and had to smile.
“Did you just tell me you loved me?” When he didn’t answer, she prompted, “I think you did.”
“I’m serious, Paradise.”
Suddenly, nothing in her head or her body hurt, and the fear that had been like a toxic poison in her veins was gone.
“So am I,” she whispered.
“Then yes, yes I did just tell you I love you. And I’m sorry I lost it about you and your family. And I’m also an asshole for lumping you in with the people who killed my father. I don’t know … all I have to do is think back to that first night, when you didn’t want to leave me on the trail? You were like that with everyone, not just me. You … you would have locked yourself out of a safe room if it meant one more person could have fit in.”
He released a shuddering breath, and wiped his face with his broad palm, like he was struggling with his own emotions.
“Craeg, all I can say is this.” She waited until he looked up at her again. “I beat everyone that first night, didn’t I. I was the last one standing, right?”
He nodded. “Yeah. You were amazing.”
“Well, I would do that all over again right now if it meant I could prove the unprovable to you—and that is that my heart knows what it wants. It’s as simple and uncomplicated as that. You can try, if you like, to layer on all kinds of reasons why I’ll think differently sometime in the future, but my feelings are never going to change. I knew you were the one the first night I met you, when you walked into the audience house. I spent weeks wondering if you’d be back with your application. The night of initiation? I waited and prayed to see you come in. And when you did, all I could think of was, ‘Thank God he’s here.’”
She put out her hand to him. “I still think that every time I see you after I’ve spent some time away from you. ‘Thank God … he’s here.’”
Craeg came to her slowly, as if giving her a chance to change her mind. But then his palm was against hers. And then he was sitting on the bed next to her. And then he was leaning in and pressing a kiss to her mouth.
Except he sat back and got grave. “I’m going to ahvenge my father. I know you don’t agree with it, but I can’t change that. I’m sorry.”
She closed her eyes as pain struck her in the chest. “Please … no. And I’m not saying that to protect some distant cousin of mine. There’s been too much death already. I’m trying to protect another living thing.”
“A coward who killed my father.”
“Maybe there’s another way of getting justice.” She squeezed his hand. “Just … let’s work on that. Maybe there’s another way. Promise? For me. Do this for me.”
It was a long, long while before he answered. But when he finally did, it seemed like a vow. “All right. I hate it … but all right.”
Sitting up, she wrapped her arms around him and felt him hold her in return. “I love you.”
“Oh, God, Paradise … I love you, too.”
They stayed that way for the longest time, embracing each other, saying small things, touching, feeling, kissing.
And then there was a knock on the door.
Yeah, boy, Craeg moved so fast off her bed, he practically slammed into the wall that was farthest away.
She laughed a little. “Yes?”
“It’s Butch,” came the deep voice. “I’m leaving now. Craeg, you gotta come with me.”
“Okay,” Craeg said, heading for the door.
“When will I see you?” Paradise asked. “Tomorrow night’s class is canceled also?”
He put his hand on the knob and looked over at her with hooded eyes. “Answer your phone at seven a.m. and we’ll discuss it.”
With that and a very hot wink, he slipped out and shut the panels quietly.
As Paradise let herself fall back against her pillows, she was grinning so hard her cheeks hurt.
Chapter Forty-seven